Breastfeeding at table

[JillianHoltzmann]

Hi guys, genuinely not sure if I'm being unreasonable here.
I have a two and a half week old baby, ebf, for background.

My mum has invited my sister and I out for a meal, and my sister will be bringing her boyfriend. My mum made a "cutesy" voice and said "and you can come too, and have a Sunday dinner in the toilet!" to the baby, which I didn't understand at first, so I said why would she be in the toilet? Mum replied "well you're not going to do it at the table, are you?" And I mentioned that she'd done that.

Then my sister piped up and said my mum had covered up and i don't do that (i dont like to cover up) and that it was a bit awkward- everyone would have to move to another table.

For background my sister is pregnant but doesn't plan to breastfeed because she feels weird about it, and she has said before to me that she doesn't want her boyfriend to see my boobs.

Aibu to want to be able to feed her at the table without offending my own family- without going to the toilet (!) and without having to cover her? Which is in itself bloody awkward because I can't move at all without the cover slipping down onto her face me upsetting her.

@Bibijayne

I personally don't have a hang up about it as you put it, I actually found it quite amusing in a nice way, so calm down.

@JillianHoltzmann how did lunch go, did you and baby enjoy it?

TigerTooth there is a whole load of difference between an 18 year old making adjustments to not upset her grandmother, and a 2 and a half week old baby not being allowed to feed because of some stupid hang up about breasts!

With such a young baby you could easily feed before you go and get through a meal without baby needing a feed, and enjoy your meal in peace, or are you going to take baby there hungry, just to prove a point?

I tried to come up with a reasonable response to this but it’s such nonsense I kept giggling instead.

Long time since you’ve had a breastfed newborn, I presume?

Oh my goodness, my kids when newborns cluster-fed like crazy. On the boob/off the boob/on the boob/off the boob. Newborns feed the most frequently.

Must have been a very long time indeed.

Utterly bemused that a grandmother would be offended by an 18 year old woman drinking a pint

@Flatasapancakenow tell me, I think you missed out on a couple of back on the boob! 😂 can you imagine the stress of trying to monitor and negotiate with a 2 week old about feeding!

reallyreallynow

It would be lovely if you could try to communicate without swearing and personal insults.
The issue is not to negotiate when a baby feeds but, as stated, to compromise and be accepting of the feelings of an older generation.
The comparison with the 18yr old was a demonstration of how, even when we feel that we are in the right, it can sometimes be beneficial to peace and harmony to seek a compromise - in this case feeding at the table as Op wishes, whilst covering the breast as the other 3 adults have requested.
As for not understanding breastfeeding, or "an fucking thick" as you so eloquently put it, I have successfully breastfed 4 children. the youngest is 8. I didn't come across the term cluster-feeding with my 4 breastfed children, and guess what? They fed just fine without the labelling of feeding rituals, its just instinct and common sense, and yes, if you give a newborn a good feed you can get through a meal undisturbed.

Fucking not ducking!

I love the stuffy "showing the breast" oh clutch pearls comment!

Do the older generation or the poor men usually stare at women's chests when they eat? Why start when a mother is feeding?

Some of the responses on this thread are absolutely tragic. I’ve had to laugh otherwise I might cry. It’s 2018 and people are still clutching at pearls over a baby being fed.

I thought my wanker BIL was the only one with such strong anti breastfeeding in public views (whilst claiming to be a boob man )

They fed just fine without the labelling of feeding rituals, its just instinct and common sense, and yes, if you give a newborn a good feed you can get through a meal undisturbed.

Sorry, I’ve dissolved in giggles again.

Is that what I was doing wrong? Never figured out how to force feed my newborns?

You're essentially asking a newborn baby to regulate their needs so that grown adults, with the ability to look away, don't have to see a bit of boob. That's absolutely ludicrous

This.

in this case feeding at the table as Op wishes, whilst covering the breast as the other 3 adults have requested

This is what the OP wanted to do. Nowhere has she said she wanted to sit at the table with her breasts exposed. It’s her family who wanted her to sit in the toilet. Please read the thread.

It’s been refreshing to read so many mature and rational comments from people in support of the OP and other women breastfeeding in public. You clearly win the debate!
In any case, I didn’t feel at all uncomfortable bfing my son at an exhibition today sat on the floor

Breastfeeding women not allowed to show breasts.

18 year old women not allowed to drink pints.

Sometimes I think some MN posters are living in a different world/century from the world/century I occupy.

If however those MN poster are representative of general opinion in this country in 2018 I can only conclude that we are indeed moving backwards in terms of the way women are expected to conduct themselves.

Having said that it does seem that as long as women's breast are being used for the purposes of sexual titillation then they can be anywhere and everywhere: in films, on television, in newspapers and magazine. But as soon as they're being put into use for the purpose they are intended you get all these people being offended and thinking it's disgusting.

I wish someone could actually explain to me in a way that makes any sense why they find it unacceptable for a women to use her breasts to nourish her baby.

Jassy must have been. You should have followed the clearly outdated advice of trying to get a bfing newborn in to a 4 hourly feeding schedule and fucked up your supply.

How did you get on @JillianHoltzmann

@pigsDOfly that's a brilliant post! I applaud you.

Thank you reallyreallynow (modesty)

*@pigsDOfly
*

Thank you reallyreallynow (modesty)

Unlike breastfeeding!!!

yes. Perhaps I should have covered my blush to be in keeping with the modesty requirements in parts of this thread.

Some of these comments are hilarious, others,not so much...

First off,I'd find a new Mom and sister, because they sound awful.😉
I bf 3 kids so I breastfed for years.Wear a tank top w your boob parts cut out.So we you go to nurse,all you have to do is pull up your tank and then just pull your top up.There is zero reason for a womans entire boob should be out.
Those ladies are just trying to get attention!

Sorry guys, bit of a hectic day!
The meal was lovely. I tried to feed the baby before we left but she clamped her jaws shut and because I'm not insane I didn't try to prise them open, as it seems some posters would have liked me to! This was not intentional or to prove a point. Between courses the boys all went for cigarettes which was ideal timing as baby woke up for a feed. Actually it wasn't that bad! I had completely forgotten the dilemma as I woke up late and so I wasn't wearing multiple shirts (luckily- it was actually quite hot out and the restaurant was a half hour walk) but I had worn a button up shirt, so I left the top two buttons done up and opened the two below which meant I just had enough out to feed the baby, and I could conveniently duck below table-height to latch her as we were in a booth.
It was not bad at all and i feel a bit silly for starting this thread
Although if the boys had not gone outside I would have found it considerably more uncomfortable so I suppose that was a stroke of luck, and my mum was actually very helpful.

Thank you for all your lovely replies!

Oh and @tiger - The baby refuses to feed under a Muslin cloth

Oh my paragraphs messed up- Sorry for the Text wall!