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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Year 11 with the in laws and I have exploded, AIBU??

159 replies

Flyddo · 10/10/2018 21:22

Now into my 11th year with the in laws, now it hasn't been easy and my own home is on the horizon after buying a renovation project and my husband doing the work (getting on the ladder is hard).
OK, so yes I am grateful for my MIL for having me and my family live with her for so long, yes it has enabled us to save enough for our own house, yes we do pay her.money every month and split all bills, however I do draw a line when she interferes in my parenting and is constantly undermining me.
My DS has started playing up since he started school, bedtimes have become an absolute nightmare, he screams, shouts, hits and bites and demands that his.beloved nanny (MIL) puts him to bed. Not.only this, but on other instances she is basically blaming my parenting for his behaviour. My DS will now ask for chocolate cake for breakfast, I of course will say no yet MIL will give it to him when I leave the room. When I come back I have to take it from him and he goes hysterical and MIL is then comforting him saying 'how awful darling, mummy being mean!'.
What am I supposed to do?!?!?
So bed time this evening was a 45 minute battle of me, my husband and DS, then MIL forcibly pushed me aside and said she would take him to bed. I was so angry that I blew my top.
Any advice on where.to go from here! I am fed up of her constantly interfering and undermining me and my decisions, I know I live in her house but surely my rules.on parenting my child should stand.

OP posts:
Fieau · 10/10/2018 21:23

What does your husband think about the situation? As it's his mother does he not step in or try and tell her to back off?

Mulberry72 · 10/10/2018 21:24

You’ve lived with your IL’s 11 years?!?!

I’d have been locked up for murder by now!!

Hidillyho · 10/10/2018 21:26

I can imagine it’s hard not to parent a child when they have lived with you your whole life.
How long till you move out?
Be ready that it may not be an easy transition if your DS relys on your MIL being there

DuchessThingy · 10/10/2018 21:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Northernparent68 · 10/10/2018 21:28

You have to move out, this was never going to work

Bluebolt · 10/10/2018 21:29

The problem is if you blow up now when your new home is on the horizon it will feel like you have used her for the last eleven years. You just need to get out and MIL can be a granny.

Sallygoroundthemoon · 10/10/2018 21:30

You've been with them 11 years? Your in-laws must be amazing people. Really lovely of them to put you up for so long.

PrincessScarlett · 10/10/2018 21:31

11 years living with your in-laws?! Good god, how are you still sane? They sound awful undermining your parenting. How the hell have you lasted so long?

YANBU.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 10/10/2018 21:32

I swear I've read this word for word before.

SillySallySingsSongs · 10/10/2018 21:33

Time to move out.

You she could be getting fed up of having you all there now after 11 years! I'd be wanting my own space.

eelbecomingforyou · 10/10/2018 21:33

Your in-laws are saints to put up with you all living with them for so long.

Sounds like it’s time to leave.

Notacluewhatthisis · 10/10/2018 21:33

She sounds annoying. However I find it quite odd you have managed to not lose your temper, in 11 years.

But now you own home is ready, you have lost it.

It does cone across as though you were happy to let her behaviour slide when you had nowhere else to go.

11 years and I assume you have had kid/s in this time?

Earlywalker · 10/10/2018 21:34

You move out. Buying a house is not a good enough reason to have other people basically help raise your children. I’d have been gone long ago.

SillySallySingsSongs · 10/10/2018 21:34

You've been with them 11 years? Your in-laws must be amazing people. Really lovely of them to put you up for so long.

I agree to an extent. 11 years is a ridiculously long time.

Kool4katz · 10/10/2018 21:35

Your poor MIL. I hope she gets rid of you all soon.

beeefcake · 10/10/2018 21:36

11 years?! Fuck me

She probably sees herself as part of your family unit as you have been living together for so long.

How far away is your new house from theirs?

PiggyPoos · 10/10/2018 21:37

That's such a long time, no wonder boundaries are blurred.

Eleven years man.

beeefcake · 10/10/2018 21:41

Also you must understand that the lines are somewhat blurred from your DS perspective, he has been raised by two women essentially.

Angrybird345 · 10/10/2018 21:42

When are you moving out???

blackcat86 · 10/10/2018 21:46

Your MIL is interfering but your child's behaviour also sounds problematic in her home and will be impacting on her. Surely all the adults need to come together to agree a strategy and stick to it or move out so that she can take a grandparent role. I would say that it would not be unreasonable to ask her not to talk badly about you or undermine you in front of DC.

Nanna50 · 10/10/2018 21:51

11 years wtf? There is no way I would want my children or their families living with me that long, never mind the other way around. What does your DH make of the situation?

lazymum99 · 10/10/2018 21:52

Don't know how to link to another thread but here is the title:

A decade with the in-laws and I think I am ready to explode...... (118 Posts)

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 10/10/2018 21:55

Any advice on where.to go from here!

Yes, your own house. 11 years? She's probably as sick of you as you are of her.

Armchairanarchist · 10/10/2018 21:57

11 years? fucking hell! She can't have just started behaving this way, yet it becomes a problem when you no longer need her.

TomHardysNextWife · 10/10/2018 21:57

Their house - their rules OP.

When you're in your own home, it will be your rules. Can you focus on getting one room ready to live in so you can move as quickly as possible? My mum and dad built a house and we lived/slept in the kitchen for several months while Dad finished it off.