Year 11 with the in laws and I have exploded, AIBU??

[Flyddo]

Now into my 11th year with the in laws, now it hasn't been easy and my own home is on the horizon after buying a renovation project and my husband doing the work (getting on the ladder is hard).
OK, so yes I am grateful for my MIL for having me and my family live with her for so long, yes it has enabled us to save enough for our own house, yes we do pay her.money every month and split all bills, however I do draw a line when she interferes in my parenting and is constantly undermining me.
My DS has started playing up since he started school, bedtimes have become an absolute nightmare, he screams, shouts, hits and bites and demands that his.beloved nanny (MIL) puts him to bed. Not.only this, but on other instances she is basically blaming my parenting for his behaviour. My DS will now ask for chocolate cake for breakfast, I of course will say no yet MIL will give it to him when I leave the room. When I come back I have to take it from him and he goes hysterical and MIL is then comforting him saying 'how awful darling, mummy being mean!'.
What am I supposed to do?!?!?
So bed time this evening was a 45 minute battle of me, my husband and DS, then MIL forcibly pushed me aside and said she would take him to bed. I was so angry that I blew my top.
Any advice on where.to go from here! I am fed up of her constantly interfering and undermining me and my decisions, I know I live in her house but surely my rules.on parenting my child should stand.

MIL will often use emotional blackmail to DH saying 'kids are settled there's no.need for you all to.go.' 'look how.happy the kids are here' 'theres always room.for.you here, never feel.like you have to go!' always a few comments every week on how her house is big enough for all.of.us and how she doesn't want us to.go. DH is.one to avoid arguments, I don't want to come between their relationship and make him choose sides, I am.putting our.children first and yes granted he should do the same but he is very busy trying to get our own house finished to put all the hassle to bed.
We have both frequently tried to speak with her rationally about her meddling, even FIL has.to.tell her to.stop interfering on occasions. For instance giving.the.children.an ipad or her.phone.when at the table. She will give it to them when I get up to make more drinks etc. It is sly and underhand and my children are using it to their advantage because they know she will.give.it straight to.them and more often than not it.is.to annoy me and make her look.amazing to the children.
My DS has now started to ask.for her to be his mum because she does everything he wants and I am mean because.sometimes I say no. I also believe she is playing mind games with the children and giving them sly comments as both my children have said that 'we don't need to move to our new house because MIL said we can stay and live with her'.
I think reality has hit that we are actually moving and she doesn't like it. So now her behaviour and underhand tactics have escalated.

This whole situation is ridiculous. And OP, you are part of the problem.

I truly believe that if your house was going to be ready in 6 months you would have kept your temper.

Taking your kids out of their home (and it is their home) to live somewhere else for a few weeks and then another new home is not right. Its not what's best for them.

She may not want you to leave. That doesn't mean it's easy. My step MIL has her daughter, daughters husband and 2 kids living with her. She loves it and it pissed her off in equal measure.

You have needed her in the past. You just don't need her now.

Dreadful choices have resulted in this.

Can I ask why you waited 11 years and then bought a house that needed work when you could have been on the property ladder with a studio or 1 bed flat years ago and avoided this situation

Eleven years, you need a medal. Hope you've got the kids away before she ramps up some more.

Dreadful choices have resulted in this.

Exactly.

Time for you and DH to start acting as adults and re-assure your children that the move does not mean the end of their relationship with MIL whilst also acknowledging that it will be a big change and their feelings of fear are valid.

And stop blaming MIL for everything, take responsibility for the choices you have made that have added to this situation.

Did MIL know about NZ?

What you all need is a family meeting with some ground rules agreed. And a clear understanding that you will be moving our soon, and a clear timescale for that.

You should state your grievances but you must also acknowledge the great gift you have been given. Also, you chose to have 3 children, one after the other, whilst living in her home.

This is a joke right?