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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU about nursery calling DD a clever clogs

171 replies

2b1c51 · 10/10/2018 08:46

DD is 4. Just missed out on school this time so still at nursery. She is very bright, and yesterday was doing an activity at nursery that was pretty advanced for her age (not going into details about it as don't want to be accused of this being a stealth boast).

Keyworker obviously told us about it at the end of the day, and on the way home we were praising her for it. However, she got quite upset and said that the staff, and then other kids, had called her a clever clogs. She obviously didn't see this as a good thing (I think because of Peppa Pig- when Edmund is called a clever clogs it doesn't really seem a positive thing).

AIBU to talk to nursery about this? As someone who was bullied through school for being clever I might be oversensitive about this, and it did upset DD. It was probably meant well and I could explain to DD that being clever is a positive thing, but at the same time I just feel that 'clever clogs' isn't a nice term and is a bit unprofessional. Please talk sense to me!

OP posts:
FruitofAutumn · 10/10/2018 08:49

REALLY???

MacosieAsunter · 10/10/2018 08:49

You're over thinking.

ileclerc · 10/10/2018 08:49

Really?!?!

AuntBeastie · 10/10/2018 08:51

I’ve always viewed it as a positive / affectionate term - but obviously not if it’s being used to tease and your DD is upset. Maybe just have a quiet word with we nursery worker and ask them if everything was ok, as your DD felt a bit negatively singled out. The nursery maybe didn’t realise it felt like that to her and can just be more aware of it.

SerenDippyEggs · 10/10/2018 08:51

Noooo🤦🏻‍♀️ just explain to your daughter they didn't mean it in a bad way and it's a funny way of saying she is a smart little girl

Iooselipssinkships · 10/10/2018 08:51

YABU!

Singlenotsingle · 10/10/2018 08:52

Depends how it's said. Fine if said with a big congratulatory smile.

SharonBottsPoundOfGrapes · 10/10/2018 08:52

YABU. (times a kajillion)

ShatnersBassoon · 10/10/2018 08:52

Tell her they meant it kindly, which they did.
Clever clogs is a nice thing to be called if you've been clever; I could understand the hand wringing if they'd called her know-it-all. It really doesn't sound unprofessional to me.

WasabiSpring · 10/10/2018 08:55

'Clever Clogs' was always a negative term where I went to school. Alongside 'know it all'. So I can see why it gave you pause.

HeadsDownThumbsUpEveryone · 10/10/2018 08:55

I just feel that 'clever clogs' isn't a nice term and is a bit unprofessional

In the interest of every teacher she will ever meet either chill out or please do not send your daughter to school! They said a kind thing to her and she got upset, at that point you explain they were being kind and thought what she did was very clever and you are proud of her, you don't automatically jump to these words being used to bully her!

I am also baffled that you think it is unprofessional to praise someone for the task they have completed with an endearing phrase, clever clogs, smartie pants and others will be common place in any school she attends. Would you rather they didn't acknowledge her achievements at all or did so in a very formal manner for a small child?

Original poster
2b1c51 · 10/10/2018 08:56

Ok- looks like IABU and overthinking (as I said I needed sense talking to me!) Thanks!

OP posts:
Spiderdemon · 10/10/2018 08:56

I get it. It's affectionate but can be 'othering'. If you've never experienced this at school etc you really don't know what it's like. There's a hint of someone just teasing affectionately but not meeting DC's needs.

Compare with 'ooh, you're so tall and slim, I bet you never have any problems with what to wear'. Nice occasionally but can be said with an edge and I imagine boring to hear all the time.

Trouble is OP the type of people who say this aren't gonna understand why you don't want them to. They are not in any way clever clogs... I would try to stretch her outside the nursery setting or think of something else for her?

Edward E has a lot to answer for!

CherryPavlova · 10/10/2018 08:56

Just no.
That is the way to encourage a needy, emotionally fragile child. Just tell her they were being nice and thought she’d done well.

user1483387154 · 10/10/2018 08:57

Yes you are being ridiculous

SleepingStandingUp · 10/10/2018 08:57

However, she got quite upset and said that the staff, and then other kids, had called her a clever clogs. She obviously didn't see this as a good thing... I could explain to DD that being clever is a positive thing, but...

So you're daughter got upset, said Mommy they called me a clever clogs, waaaah, really upset 4 yo and you DIDN'T reassure her it was a nice thing and they weren't being mean?? I donny understand. Even if you asked nursery not to give your child praise again, why would not reassure her at the time. She's 4.

Original poster
2b1c51 · 10/10/2018 08:59

Woah ok I didn't expect such a strong reaction!

As I said, I don't necessarily see clever clogs as an endearing phrase, but obviously that is just me. I did explain that they were being kind and were proud of her, and will keep doing so. Thanks for the advice.

OP posts:
Unicornandbows · 10/10/2018 09:01

Have you tried to explain to your daughter that it isn't an insult...

Hwory · 10/10/2018 09:02

Well where I’m from ‘clever clogs’ isn’t a positive term. Means know it all or show off.

Very othering and I wouldn’t be happy either. I’ve had teachers in the past make remarks about me which has brought it to the attention of bullies. It’s not very nice.

SleepingStandingUp · 10/10/2018 09:03

Compare with 'ooh, you're so tall and slim, I bet you never have any problems with what to wear'. Nice occasionally but can be said with an edge and I imagine boring to hear all the time
Only comparable if they said you're a clever clogs, I bet you don't need help / never find any of this hard etc.

the type of people who say this... are not in any way clever clogs
Yeah, they praised the kid with a phrase Mum doesn't like so clearly they're thick and doing a crap job Hmm or just think it's nice for kids to receive praise for doing well. Sounds like she DID do something clever, what would you prefer they said?? Golly DC, you're so academically bright but don't worry, I recognise not everything will be this easy so we'll continue to support you whilst recognising that you might also find this not challenging enough so we'll continue to challenge you academically too!?

toomuchtoomuch · 10/10/2018 09:06

op i l understand where you're coming from because I called my daughter a clever clogs and she said no I'm a girl not a clever clogs because she thought a clever clogs was a type of animal thanks to Peppa pig!
I explained what it meant and although she still says to me no I'm a giraffe or I'm a Peppa pig, she isn't quite so offended as she was the first time.
However it is a positive thing so maybe just explain what it means.

ShartGoblin · 10/10/2018 09:06

If there's any complaining to do here it should be at Peppa Pig not the nursery for complimenting her.

diddl · 10/10/2018 09:08

I've never known "clever clogs" to be used in a nice way either.

That said, I would hope that if it came form the staff first then it wasbeing said in a positive way!

It was perhaps the kids then parrotting it that made it seem not so good?

echt · 10/10/2018 09:09

Every every bit of research on feedback to children about attainment says you don't give the child a name/value, you evaluate the attainment, e.g. you beat your last best in the 100 metres; this essay showed particular strength in the way you said, etc.etc.

The nursery is wrong. Clever clogs is the short road to smart arse. It is unprofessional.

The same applies to naming a bully. Name the behaviour, not the person. People can change behaviour, not what they are.

ShineOnHarvestMoon · 10/10/2018 09:11

I was bullied from primary school onwards for being "clever" - apparently too clever ... Apparently I was too big for my own boots, and thought I was better than everyone else.

I've never seen "clever clogs" as a term of praise - it's always been used in my hearing (including to me) as a slightly sarcastic, not very nice phrase.

Take it up with the nursery.

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