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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU about nursery calling DD a clever clogs

171 replies

2b1c51 · 10/10/2018 08:46

DD is 4. Just missed out on school this time so still at nursery. She is very bright, and yesterday was doing an activity at nursery that was pretty advanced for her age (not going into details about it as don't want to be accused of this being a stealth boast).

Keyworker obviously told us about it at the end of the day, and on the way home we were praising her for it. However, she got quite upset and said that the staff, and then other kids, had called her a clever clogs. She obviously didn't see this as a good thing (I think because of Peppa Pig- when Edmund is called a clever clogs it doesn't really seem a positive thing).

AIBU to talk to nursery about this? As someone who was bullied through school for being clever I might be oversensitive about this, and it did upset DD. It was probably meant well and I could explain to DD that being clever is a positive thing, but at the same time I just feel that 'clever clogs' isn't a nice term and is a bit unprofessional. Please talk sense to me!

OP posts:
Tomatoesrock · 10/10/2018 10:49

Try ti teach her most people mean to be kind. A term of endearment and she should be proud. My DD10 HF ASD takes everything the wrong way. I usually explain how it was meant.

In my DCs school, they have a clever clogs table, and buster brains, genius gems not based on cleverness but to encourage confidence.

bellinisurge · 10/10/2018 10:54

However it was meant, the op's dd took it as being berated it criticised. We weren't there, we can't say if she has misunderstood or they were being sarky.
Explain to dd that sometimes people mean it as a friendly compliment and praise something she has done recently that shows how bright she is. Also praise her for effort when she's done something that took a bit of effort.

teaandtoast · 10/10/2018 10:56

It's a negative phrase here too.

wijjy · 10/10/2018 11:18

Clever clogs is a slightly more polite way of saying smart arse to me. Definitely a pejorative term.

But in the same way that overweight people see skinny as a positive comment, maybe unintelligent people see clever clogs as a compliment.

YreneTowers · 10/10/2018 11:18

It was always a negative phrase when I was a child, along with 'smart arse'.

"No-one likes a smart arse" was said to me by my parents on several occasions - they were quoting 'Hitch-hikers Guide to the Galaxy' and thought they were being funny, but that didn't make it sting any less.

I was often called clever as a child, and it made me feel as if my achievements were not recognised.

"Oh, well, it's easy for you as you're so clever" is something I heard often on getting full marks in a test, whereas my less academic sibling would get special dinners cooked for them and presents bought when they got a passing mark.

Still slightly bitter...

weaving5688 · 10/10/2018 11:21

@tomatoesrock - how do you get the message across? is it just repetition? My DD was insisting that another girl thought she was fat yesterday - she told me she said it, when I said that I would talk to the teacher if so, she admitted that 'she just looked like she thought it', but when I tried to explain about not reading people's minds she starts to meltdown as being believed is really important to her.

I do believe her, but it's shrugging off the casual meanness that's so hard to get her to understand. She's not fat - this was over wearing a thicker than usual cardigan as it was cold, she couldn't really be slimmer but it's in her head.

Complete tangent to the thread, except that, as I've said, I don't think it's best to validate dc when they're telling themselves someone meant something unkind when they don't know that, it's unlikely and it's not in any case helpful to believe that.

pandarific · 10/10/2018 11:22

I love how the multiple people who were actually on the receiving end of sneering/put downs/bullying for being clever at school and who have said 'clever clogs' has that negative 'take you down a peg or two' / 'othering' effect are being completely ignored by other posters. Hmm

Another one here - I think it's a sneery term that implies the child is being somehow deliberately a know it all. I wouldn't use it to a small child.

OP, YANBU - you're a good mum to actually give a shit about your child being upset. Have a word with the nursery in terms of not wanting her to be singled out and make it obvious you'll come down like a tonne of bricks on any sneering or picking on.

TrudeauGirl · 10/10/2018 11:26

maybe unintelligent people see clever clogs as a compliment.

Yes that must be the only reason they see it as a compliment. Hmm

weaving5688 · 10/10/2018 11:28

is there honestly a single person on the thread that hasn't been teased for something? The people commenting that clever cloggs was definitely meant in a nasty way by the nursery staff are mind reading into a phrase in common usage where (as this thread shows) whether it is pejorative or not is debated.

BlaaBlaaBlaa · 10/10/2018 11:32

maybe unintelligent people see clever clogs as a compliment

This comment is almost as ridiculous as the original post. PhD educated person here who sees it as a compliment ( in this context....as with everything, context is key!)

whyayepetal · 10/10/2018 11:34

pandarific I quite agree. YANBU, OP.

wijjy · 10/10/2018 11:38

Yes that must be the only reason they see it as a compliment.

It might also be a regional variation.

But Collins thesaurus says smart-arse.

know-all

(informal) a person who pretends or appears to know a lot more than other people◾She read an article by some cosmopolitan know-all.

synonyms

smart aleck

wise guy (informal)

smarty (informal)

clever-clogs (informal)

clever Dick (informal)

smarty-pants (informal)

smartarse (slang)

wiseacre

smarty-boots (informal)

ShadyLady53 · 10/10/2018 11:41

University Tutor here who was bullied and sees “clever clogs” as a compliment.

That’s two theories presented here blown out the window.

TrudeauGirl · 10/10/2018 11:44

It might also be a regional variation

Might be, I'm from the Midlands and it's sort of used fondly here.

lottiegarbanzo · 10/10/2018 11:45

'Blown out the window' (by overwhelming data and evidence), or 'my anecdote differs from your anecdote'?

spanishwife · 10/10/2018 11:45

You should try and help give your child the thick skin you obviously lack...

cakecakecheese · 10/10/2018 11:52

I thought clever clogs was a bit derogatory too, in a bit of a 'know-it-all' or smart-arse kind of way but I very much doubt it was meant like that, just reassure her that the terms clever clogs, boffin (do people still get call that?) etc are good things.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 10/10/2018 11:54

Thank god OP posted here first!

pandarific · 10/10/2018 11:59

You should try and help give your child the thick skin you obviously lack...

Nice! Orrrr... how about op does both? 1) Raises it with nursery as something she wants them to be aware of - it's not only the staff who said it, apparently some of the other kids did too, which knowing kids is where I'd be more inclined to throw the hairy eyeball - AND 2) builds a resilient attitude in her DD to shitty comments about her abilities? Both are, amazingly, possible.

Obviously those of us who remember it being used in a shitty way at us are remembering our own experience and it wouldn't necessarily be intended that way. Except in this case - the staff AND students were both saying it according to the kid, and the kid felt it that way. That's the rub of it imo, and that's why op should look into it.

The poor thing is only 4 ffs, I'd think it a poor parent who didn't pay attention to this kind of thing.

BrightonGallery7 · 10/10/2018 12:01

REALLY? (As others have already exclaimed)

Teach your clever child that the expression is complimentary. Easy.

Nicklebox · 10/10/2018 12:03

YABU

BrightonGallery7 · 10/10/2018 12:05

No it is not “regional”.🤣
Why is that the default for some posters?

BrightonGallery7 · 10/10/2018 12:07

The unintelligent are usually not up to speed on idiomatic English and it’s derivations. 🙄

Runningishard · 10/10/2018 12:07

Teach your clever child that the expression is complimentary. Easy

If it was always complimentary then I’d agree but evidence on this thread shows it’s not. OP will do her child no favours by not making her aware some comments will have mal intent

BrightonGallery7 · 10/10/2018 12:07

its

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