Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 7

Original poster

AIBU about nursery calling DD a clever clogs

171 replies

2b1c51 · 10/10/2018 08:46

DD is 4. Just missed out on school this time so still at nursery. She is very bright, and yesterday was doing an activity at nursery that was pretty advanced for her age (not going into details about it as don't want to be accused of this being a stealth boast).

Keyworker obviously told us about it at the end of the day, and on the way home we were praising her for it. However, she got quite upset and said that the staff, and then other kids, had called her a clever clogs. She obviously didn't see this as a good thing (I think because of Peppa Pig- when Edmund is called a clever clogs it doesn't really seem a positive thing).

AIBU to talk to nursery about this? As someone who was bullied through school for being clever I might be oversensitive about this, and it did upset DD. It was probably meant well and I could explain to DD that being clever is a positive thing, but at the same time I just feel that 'clever clogs' isn't a nice term and is a bit unprofessional. Please talk sense to me!

OP posts:

NewYoiker · 10/10/2018 13:26

theDudesmummy · 10/10/2018 13:26

As others have said (have not read the whole thread) in some places/cultures clever clogs is not a compliment, it is definitely an insult. I have in fact never heard it used in a positive manner. Without knowing which way the person thought about the phrase, it impossible to say what the rights and wrongs are.

KurriKurri · 10/10/2018 13:34

Maybe a regional difference going on here as some people are saying it is negative and some positive. It sounds as if you think of it as a negative OP. Where I come from this would be seen as a compliment and in no way meaning 'show off or know it all' smartie pants would also be seen as a positive.

So I would take it in the spirit it was meant - just reassure your DD thata it is because they think she is a clever little girl and that's somethingpeople say when you are clever. presumably they won;t be saying it to her continuously every day, so it will soon be forgotten.

When I was working with children I used to call them all sort of things - like 'you clever old sausage' always with great affection. None of them minded.
If anyone had complained i would have stopped of course, but it would be a shame if we had to monitor every little phrase of endearment - children need to learn to recognise tone as well as actual words, and to know when something is said with affection, otherwise things can get very difficult.
Obviously some children struggle with recognizing tones of voice, reading facial expression etc, so will need reassurance and a bit of help.

You say your DD is very bright - my totally lovely neice was a gifted child, and she definitely struggled with social stuff, and often got upset over things many children would just laugh at or take in the intended spirit, although she was way ahead in an academic and learning sense. It's the obvious thing about every child being different, and they all have their different struggles and different areas of excellence. My DSIS used to do a lot of role play with my neice to help her cope with dealing with this sort of thing.

user789653241 · 10/10/2018 13:40

I think if your dd is clever girl, she will be called all sorts of those names in both good way and sometimes in negative/sarcastic way during school life. It's better for her to learn to take it as a compliment and ignore it, unless it's a serious teasing/bullying nature.

theDudesmummy · 10/10/2018 13:47

I think I would be inclined to mention it, because I wonder whether the teacher maybe came from a different culture/language etc, has heard the phrase "clever clogs" and thought it was a compliment, because of the use of the word "clever" in it, which has different implications in different cultures. It might be helpful for them to know it is actually not seen as a compliment.

I think, for example, of how, in South Africa, if someone sees a cute baby or child, they will say "oh, shame!", which is a major term of endearment, but if you said that in th UK it would come across as very odd...

MyBrexitGoesOnHoliday · 10/10/2018 13:47

Well i would understand ‘clever clogs’ as a negative term.
But it’s also because I do have one child who is doing very well indeed and this was the sort of thing he would be called (from clever clog to nerd etc...)
Depending in where you are, been intelligent/advance/very able isn’t seen as something positive as I have unfortunatly learnt. They might as well said he is ‘weird’ (whichch actually has been said too). The result of that is that, as a teen, in a good private school he is still relunctant to ‘show off’,which in his case, just means been himself (as in been able to answer complex questions wo any problem when no one else can).
Also see your reaction writing this thread, where you won’t tell us what she did for fear of boasting etc....

I wouod have a chat with nursery about it. Not in a ‘how Dare you calling my dc like this’ but more to make them aware of her reaction so they can takat into account/explain to her/explain other children/decide not to use that term to describe her.
And I wouod work in her self esteem at home too whilst celebrating her successes, not because she can do better than others but because she has done better/learnt something she didn’t know before iyswim.

Gabilan · 10/10/2018 13:50

I was bullied and beaten up for various things, including being perceived as "too clever by half". Clever clogs would, by other standards, be one of the nicer things. It would flag up more gentle teasing rather than the outright bullying likely to end in getting a kicking. It is of the same ilk though. It is flagging her up as different and therefore potentially something to be picked on. it can create jealousies. It's not a phrase I like or would ever use.

I wouldn't however talk to the nursery about it. Unfortunately your DD is going to encounter a lot more of this, and a lot more similar "oh it was meant nicely ffs" even when it comes across as being unpleasantly singled out. Instead, I'd concentrate on bolstering her self esteem. She's allowed to be different, she's allowed to be bright. And if others resort to behaviour from gentle joking through teasing to outright bullying, that is their issue and their problem.

Mightymousie · 10/10/2018 13:51

Weird that you term her as ‘just missed out on school’ she’s clearly just turned 4. She will be one of the oldest in her year. As a mum of a September baby I in no way see him as having just missed out on the year above.
I would say preschool could equally discuss how much peppa pig your kid watches. Mine have watched a bit and would not be upset with being called a clever clogs.

MyBrexitGoesOnHoliday · 10/10/2018 13:53

Mandarine fwiw my dc was very bright at 4yo. He is still very bright at 16yo.
Not ALL children who appear very bright at nursery will turn out to be just about bright.

I have to say, i am very uncomfortable with the idea of basically putting down a child success ‘bevause they are just 4yo and it doesn’t mean anhthinng’.
It also makes me wonder how many children just stop learning and doing ‘unusual’ things just to be able to fit in (at school and at home).

Two pence worth from my own experience with my two dcs....

Batteriesallgone · 10/10/2018 14:06

I do wonder what most people’s experience is of ‘talking to nursery’. At the preschool and school my kids are at everyone goes out of their way to be approachable and to chat about how kids are feeling and settling. Everyone knows September is a hard time for all the children for different reasons.

If your child is in a setting where it is hard to talk to the workers and all discussions feel ‘formal’ or like you are making a complaint, I think that’s a poor reflection on the setting tbh.

Mandarine · 10/10/2018 14:32

MyBrexit - well yes, I do see what you mean and apologies if I came across as trying to stifle individual talents! To be honest, in the case if DS1, he is probably is on track to get top GCSEs, but because he’s in a school where practically all grades are A-A*, he’s no longer “stand out” and pretty average in his cohort. That’s more what I was trying to say. Plus they develop individual talents and strengths, so it’s harder to quantify what is “bright” anyway - a debater, an artist a mathematician? Also, I do believe that emotional resilience and confidence are just as important as “brightness” when it comes to navigating the pitfalls of school and life. I think my DD2 (now 10) has really benefitted from not being a ‘PFB’ Less pressure / expectation all round has made her more self-motivated and to develop a live if learning for herself. Even though she’s probably ‘brighter’ than DS was, she’s definitely less high-maintenance with it! I have seen children in pushy pre-prep schools literally turned off from the natural love of learning by the age of 6 because they are pressured to keep up the “gifted” persona by reading Ulysses or whatever.

Anyway, I’m by no means saying the OP falls into this category and credit to her for acknowledging she might have been having a bit of a PFB moment. She is far from the only one - it goes with being a mum! If she is worried about friendships etc however, then yes, by all means talk to the staff.

Starlings27 · 10/10/2018 15:28

Weird that you term her as ‘just missed out on school’ she’s clearly just turned 4. She will be one of the oldest in her year. As a mum of a September baby I in no way see him as having just missed out on the year above.
I would say preschool could equally discuss how much peppa pig your kid watches. Mine have watched a bit and would not be upset with being called a clever clogs.

What an oddly judgemental post!

TinklyLittleLaugh · 10/10/2018 17:44

Nah, she's four, she's just a baby. She doesn't need to "work on her emotional resilience", she needs nursery workers who are caring and nurturing and don't make snide remarks about her intellectual ability ffs.

RavenWings · 10/10/2018 17:50

Clever clogs is not a snide remark ffs. Might be so to some people or in some areas but that doesn't make it universal. Bit snide though to be implying that about the intent of the staff (which you can't possibly know).

StarShapedWindow · 10/10/2018 18:08

Well OP it seems the term clever clogs is either nasty or nice depending on how it’s said to the recipient. My DGM and my DM both used to call me a clever clogs and it was said with love and pride and affection.

user789653241 · 10/10/2018 19:40

If a 4 year old thinks the nursery staff made a snide/sarcastic remarks, she is really advanced. I doubt they did. So as other children. I think they are just amazed how clever she is.
So, I do think, if she is emotionally advanced compared to the other children, parents and teachers need to help her in positive way.
We are not talking about school children, we are talking about nursery!

MrsGrindah · 10/10/2018 19:46

Err .. wasn’t there a thread the exact opposite of this a few days ago where the mother was considering complaining cos the teacher had called her child a numpty?

PhilomenaButterfly · 10/10/2018 19:47

Yes.

LalaLeona · 10/10/2018 20:10

Depends on the tone in which it was said. You need to clarify that. I was called "miss clever clogs" by a teacher when I was 8 in a really nasty sarcastic way once, so iswym.

echt · 10/10/2018 20:48

If it's OK to call someone clever clogs, it's OK to call someone dunce.

lottiegarbanzo · 10/10/2018 21:05

Nobody knows the intent of the staff. We do know that the 4yo came home upset and talking about this - so something happened, which it would be sensible to discuss with staff, to avoid it happening again.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 7