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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think most women have an eating disorder of some kind

184 replies

wonderandwander · 09/10/2018 21:05

I have been referred to an ED clinic.
I’m in early forties and I can’t quite believe it. I won’t bore with detail but involved intervention of a dear GP friend, otherwise I would never have gone. It has dawned on me that I have been restricting to various degrees for best part of 20 years. Never bulemia or over eating. Always restriction and underweight. The upshot being I look a haggard mess and it’s affecting my hormones and bones.

It got me thinking though. Amongst my wide group of girlfriends, I think most think A LOT about food and restricting. We live in a very affluent part of the UK, and health / looks / gym etc is high on the agenda. There’s always diets on the go and talk of food.

Are there any women out there who really eat without thinking what they’re consuming? Really that relaxed about food? Don’t go on diets / restrict etc or the alternative- over eat / binge?

Genuinely curious. My mind is messed up, and wondering whether my thoughts on this issue are also messed up.

OP posts:
Lichtie · 09/10/2018 21:08

Yes, the fact that means you have been referred means you have an issue most don't.

Hope you get the help you need

stopgap · 09/10/2018 21:10

I think within that demographic, you’ll find a greater level of obsessiveness. I also live in a wealthy area, and it’s not enough to be thin—women want Madonna yoga arms and a body fat percentage better suited to men.

Personally I eat for good health—I’m part-Italian, so was raised on fish, fresh vegetables, good cheese—but yes, even this comes with restriction. But I think that’s just common sense more than anything. I wouldn’t feel good if I ate an entire mound of mozzarella, say, but a few slices with tomatoes and balsamic—sure, sounds delicious.

MrsCar · 09/10/2018 21:10

I wouldn't say most, but a lot.

I'm slim (8/10) although a healthy bmi, and yes there are days when I don't eat enough as I should, just to stay at this size.
I'm not sure that I'd consider it to be an ed, when I'm not underweight though, and don't binge/purge, become underweight etc...

Flowers for you

serbska · 09/10/2018 21:11

No.

If you’ve a lot of friends who you think have EDs it’s more likely misery likes company and you’ve clustered together as you have the same issues.

A580Hojas · 09/10/2018 21:15

I agree - I think the majority of women in the UK (at least) have an unhealthy relationship with food and disordered eating. It doesn't always manifest itself as being underweight and scrawny though!

Littlemouseroar · 09/10/2018 21:19

I think I have a healthy relationship with food. It is there, I eat it. Or I don’t. I’m sorry that you are not well OP, but you really mustn’t feel that you are doomed to always be like this because you are now. Flowers

DailyMailDontStealMyThread · 09/10/2018 21:20

In what way is it affecting your hormones and bones?

Genuinely interested.

I’ve always restricted my food but I’ve recently started AD meds for my moods/hormones and my knees, hips and shoulders ache.

Would never have thought to relate these to my food issues.

Amanduh · 09/10/2018 21:20

No.

AutumnMadness · 09/10/2018 21:22

I am somewhat rounded and probably pushing the upward limit of normal BMI. I exercise regularly and cook from scratch nearly every night. I am not immune to a bout of self-loathing, but really it's never strong enough to motivate me to restrict my food intake or obsess about what I am eating. I naturally like healthy food - lots and lots of veg, I really to adore lettuce - and I like eating it, get loads of pleasure out of it. I like sweets and definitely eat too much sugar, but again, my tastes do not allow for binges on crap. I am a poncy dark chocolate kind of girl and would not be caught dead with a Cadbury's or equivalent.

For me, food is just too nice and there are too many other interesting things to do in life to obsess about dieting and the size of my arse.

Plus I can't really diet. When not eating enough I feel real hunger and hunger gives me intense headaches. I have no idea how other people do it.

Labradoodliedoodoo · 09/10/2018 21:22

Some. Most people I know gave a balanced attitude to food, giving it little thought

Redshoeblueshoe · 09/10/2018 21:23

No.

Ghanagirl · 09/10/2018 21:23

Unfortunately I think a lot of women do, this thread below is utterly depressing
Sorry not sure how to link...
“To ask how long it took you to 'get back in your jeans' after a baby?”
Op asks above and posters go to great lengths to state they got back to size 6-8 as soon as they delivered placenta or 6/8 weeks post delivery without dieting it’s such ridiculous self destructive shite...

Squeegle · 09/10/2018 21:25

I don’t think so. I don’t think an enormous amount about food. If I get too plump I cut back a bit.

NorthernLurker · 09/10/2018 21:25

I think the vast majority of women have issues with food. I think we are kidding ourselves if we think that isn't true.

ImNotonLinkedInNo · 09/10/2018 21:25

I honestly don't.

I'm not fat I'm not thin. I exercise ocassionally but mostly it's just walking forty minutes a day to work. Feel so uncomfortably full if I eat too much that I don't. Never ''purged''. I am not saying this to be smug. I just don't think it's true that ''all women have an eating disorder''. I could probably be slimmer, but I'm choosing to not do anything and not worry about it right now. I'm within the normal band for my height though.

ShirleyPhallus · 09/10/2018 21:26

I think a lot of women do have some sort of distorted eating / body dismorphia to a degree

MN seems to either have women who are incredibly slim and they eat 10kgs of potato and 2kgs of butter every day, getting up for midnight snacks of family sized chocolate bars

Or the other, which is overweight woman asking if they can discard BMI because “if Arnie was obese on it it must be crap” or being offended by the terms overweight and obese

UnderHerEye · 09/10/2018 21:26

Honestly OP yes I do think that many women, in the UK, have disordered eating habits. Just look at the what have you eaten today threads, they are very very revealing!

wishing you well with your recovery OP

lljkk · 09/10/2018 21:28

I used to think you're right OP, but not so sure, now. I grew up around women that were obsessed with food. I myself had an ED, but I don't now. Late-teens DD doesn't have one. I know many women who do a great job of seeming like they have a health not-restrictive not over-eating relationship with food.

It's normal to like food & be interested in it, which is different from being obsessive in how you relate to the food in your life (last one is an ED).

Mum2jenny · 09/10/2018 21:28

I was very borderline anorexic for many years, weighed about 6 stone, never ate in public, was a total pain in the arse for my dh, however I was referred to a 'professional' for support.

He was fucking useless but it did sort me out as his professional qualifications were shite. And that did make me turn the corner.

Now I am wishing I were still a skinny minny, but I'm now a bit plumper than I'd like. Unbelievable 20 years ago though!

pastabest · 09/10/2018 21:29

No sorry.

I agree it's probably 'normal' in some sections of society but certainly in my part of the country (rural) women generally just eat normally unless they are trying to e.g slim into a wedding dress temporarily. Obviously slimming world etc still exist round here but that's usually about cutting down from over eating to healthy eating.

If anything it's looked down on to be restrictive or 'picky' in eating. I suspect one of my friends may have an ED but she's in an industry not typical of the area (works away a lot) and renowned for being an industry where restrictive eating is almost mandatory.

echt · 09/10/2018 21:30

I don't think most women have an eating disorder, but one thing I have noticed is far more women eat on public transport than men, it was so in the UK when I left 10 years ago and is the same in Australia now.

I think it's because it's a form of privacy, no-one who knows them can see them/comment; no family, no co-workers.

QuentinWinters · 09/10/2018 21:32

I hope most women don't have ED
I don't restrict what I eat at all, i don't know why but I seem to be able to control my intake without really worrying. I prefer to manage weight through exercise but I'm quite relaxed about it all. Don't know why. I did a shit load of exercise as a teenager which countered the absolute crap I ate so maybe i skipped a period where other women start focussing on food?

tor8181 · 09/10/2018 21:32

not me im a big girl(5ft9, 17 stone)

im 38 soon and never been on a diet ever, in fact i eat just as much as a man probably more

i eat when i want what ever i want

Polkapjs · 09/10/2018 21:32

Yes I do. I have a dreadful relationship with food. I’ve forgotten to eat for pleasure and concentrate on what I should eat then restrict and binge. I’ve just eaten a child’s gingerbread man due to sugar needs. Ridiculous
But now I’m really overweight and can’t lose it with a few days of restrictions whereas I could. I’m already thinking of fasting tomorrow

Graphista · 09/10/2018 21:33

I don't think it's just women and I don't think it's just slim people either.

I think it's woefully under-recognised that over-eating is also disordered.

I'm overweight and I've been to several slimming clubs over the years. I've never met anyone who over-eats just for the hell of it!

There are older over-eaters who eat out of anxiety due to past history of poverty/rationing so food simply not being available so they eat kind of out of fear.

Plus numerous other emotional reasons, anxious eaters, depressed eaters, insecure eaters, angry eaters...

I honestly believe the obesity issues we have wont be dealt with until this is accepted. Too many western govts still see over eaters as "lazy" and "greedy". It's FAR more complex than that.

I've also come across several people (mainly women in this I agree) who over/under eat in response to sexual abuse and a desire to be "invisible" or "ugly" - again the non-acknowledgement of how wide an issue this is means it's not being addressed.