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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think most women have an eating disorder of some kind

184 replies

wonderandwander · 09/10/2018 21:05

I have been referred to an ED clinic.
I’m in early forties and I can’t quite believe it. I won’t bore with detail but involved intervention of a dear GP friend, otherwise I would never have gone. It has dawned on me that I have been restricting to various degrees for best part of 20 years. Never bulemia or over eating. Always restriction and underweight. The upshot being I look a haggard mess and it’s affecting my hormones and bones.

It got me thinking though. Amongst my wide group of girlfriends, I think most think A LOT about food and restricting. We live in a very affluent part of the UK, and health / looks / gym etc is high on the agenda. There’s always diets on the go and talk of food.

Are there any women out there who really eat without thinking what they’re consuming? Really that relaxed about food? Don’t go on diets / restrict etc or the alternative- over eat / binge?

Genuinely curious. My mind is messed up, and wondering whether my thoughts on this issue are also messed up.

OP posts:
policeandthieves · 09/10/2018 21:56

I think quite a lot do but not everyone. I was very skinny in my teens (as is DD) and tended to just eat whatever I wanted when I was hungry but didn't eat if I wasn't or didn't fancy what there was.
As I've got older I have put on a bit of weight but just do more exercise - I have never restricted my diet and can't be arsed to start now.
I was more like a 6 then and now a 10 and happy with that.
It is depressing though when people comment about how they can't believe what you eat if you order pudding in a restaurant - I just don't have it for breakfast!

headinhands · 09/10/2018 21:59

Never had a relationship to speak of with food. I see it like washing or breathing. Just there.

PatchworkElmer · 09/10/2018 22:00

I think there’s a difference between an ‘eating disorder’ and ‘disordered eating’, if that makes sense? I’m a recovered anorexic.

Anorexia nearly killed me, it took over my whole life. I was obsessed with food- terrified of it, in fact. It wasn’t a case of “I want that sandwich but I will avoid it because I want to be slim”- though it started like that. In reality, the thought of eating a sandwich would reduce me to tears- I physically couldn’t do it, even if you’d offered me a million pounds.

PatchworkElmer · 09/10/2018 22:00

Hope you get the help you need OP Flowers

Kr1stina · 09/10/2018 22:03

I also dont think that most have an ED.

OP I hope you are able to engage with the help that you are offered. Please dont let anything that has been posted on this thread make you think that your doctors, friends or family are over reacting/ exaggerating and everything is normal.

TheBigFatMermaid · 09/10/2018 22:03

I think that it is an indication of how unwell you are that you are trying to normalise your behaviour.

I wish you well in your recovery.

Bloobs · 09/10/2018 22:03

I think I'm reasonably OK about food, which has always surprised me as I had a traumatic upbringing and could easily have used food as a control thing, but somehow didn't.

I'm OK with my weight and body, not perfect, slightly overweight but OK for pushing 50, and although I sometimes comfort eat (mainly caused by PMT) I have a mainly healthy diet, get exercise and don't beat myself up.

But, reading magazine articles and talking to friends, I'm often surprised and dismayed by how many women seem to really despair about their body and have food issues, if not a full-blown disorder. I've known a LOT of women who go on an endless cycle of faddy diets/health regimes but also overeat in a kind of compulsive way and then feel miserable.

It is crap. Social media really doesn't help, not just the endless perfect body pics, but the obsession with "doing" food perfectly as well.

stubbornstains · 09/10/2018 22:04

Most of the women I know have a very healthy relationship with food; they're all rural hippies and seem to be naturally quite slim without depriving themselves of anything. Off the top of my head I can think of one woman who habitually deprives herself of food and is extremely thin, and one who is struggling with compulsive eating and is obese, but they're an exception.

I have always had a tendency to over eat (and drink), and it's taken years to learn to manage- still not there yet, I'll always have seconds if food is there, even if I'm not hungry. I've just managed to get myself down to a healthy BMI, but it hasn't been easy.

trancepants · 09/10/2018 22:07

I can't imagine that's even remotely true. And tbh, I think it's a pretty poor impression to have of women. I've rarely given what I eat any thought. It's only as my metabolism slows as I head toward my 40s, finish up with breastfeeding and have become more sedentary because I have (for the first time in my life) a commute I need to drive and a post-birth injury that limits the kinds of exercise I can do, that I've had to give any thought to what I eat. And then it's as simple as acknowledging that with less physical activity, I need to eat less carbs.

thegrinningfox · 09/10/2018 22:07

No. Although I am sure it’s more prevalent in certain setting yes as I witness it myself. So sad to hear it. But what an eye opener. To look that good but feel that bad. Not worth it. I am sorry op.

PhilomenaButterfly · 09/10/2018 22:07

Yes. I eat what I feel like. At the moment that's not much. I've realised I can't snack at the moment, and can only eat 2 meals a day.

Hideandgo · 09/10/2018 22:08

I have a healthy BMI my whole life and a very healthy relationship with food. I love food, literally all types, can’t think of anything I don’t like. I never deny myself anything and eat what I want. I know lots of people who are similar with food. Of course I know plenty with food and weight issues too but I don’t want everyone to think that effort necessarily has to go into a persons relationship with food. It can be not a thing at all.

Ta1kinpeace · 09/10/2018 22:09

Yup
Most women in the UK eat too much and are overweight

A tiny minority are dangerously underweight

Some decide to eat the right amount to stay at a healthy lean body weight

WhatToDoAboutWailmerGoneRogue · 09/10/2018 22:10

I’ve never thought about what I’m eating and I’ve never been on a diet. Calories and the like never cross my mind; I just eat what I want.

I’m a size 6, but I’m petite and have a fast paced job and do a fair bit of walking outside of work.

noeffingidea · 09/10/2018 22:13

No. Many people do have to make a conscious effort to limit their food to keep their weight stable (I do), but that isn't the same as having an eating disorder. It's because food is in abundant supply now, most people can eat food that they like, as much as they like, whereas food used to be less easily available, and people were more physically active, again through circumstances.

GarlicGrace · 09/10/2018 22:14

I think it's an epidemic. I had anorexia in my teens, and wasn't really rid of it until around 30. A few years later, I became an over-exerciser which is yet another form of ED ("I eat loads!" - with no mention of the 4 hours daily exercise.) Over-eating might be more prevalent than under-eating on a national basis, I'm not sure. Over-eating is an ED as well. Roots are always emotional, but we live in a world so full of judgements on women's bodies that it is hard to separate the cultural from the individual causes.

I'm borderline overweight now, but OK with that because my weight's been stable for 15 years - which is the goal. I still know the calorie value of everything (everything that was available in my teens, at least) but rarely think about it. I NEVER diet. I sometimes binge-eat, but don't worry about that either because it's the old triggers trying to get a hold. It's always there.

I do still gaze in wonder at women with bodies that are close to my ideal, and am tempted to try and get "back in shape". But I won't. It's actually horrible to be obsessed with the size, shape & details of one's own body - I never want to to go there again!

I'm very sympathetic towards girls & women who worry about their size, control their diets and/or exercise too much, but have to do a lot of lip-zipping when they go on about how well & healthily they eat.

LemonysSnicket · 09/10/2018 22:16

I think an awful lot do, I'm in my 20s and know at leat 4 people who say they were once bulimic and know lots who restrict. I also have lots of issues and so do all of the women in my family.

I think it's endemic.

lakeswimmer · 09/10/2018 22:18

YABU - it might be normal in your group of friends but I'm not aware of any of the women I know who think about what they eat at all. However, I live in a rural area and most people don't think about their appearance much; jeans and fleeces, no make up and unstyled hair are the usual thing round here. Most people exercise outdoors; running, walking, cycling rather than going to a gym and they do it because they enjoy it, not to lose weight.

I dieted a bit when I was younger but the older I get (in my forties) the less I care what I look like.

OP, I hope you recover and reach a point where you don't feel you have to control what you eat Flowers

AmateurSwami · 09/10/2018 22:19

I actually agree op. I can think of perhaps one friend who doesn’t have an awful relationship with food. My eating is definitely disordered and has certainly never been normal.

GarlicGrace · 09/10/2018 22:20

Hideandgo, what you do naturally is what I had to put in decades of work to achieve! It's really sad that so many people have lost their "natural appetite" - to the extent that most will argue it doesn't happen or is some sort of freakery denied to the many. It's actually baseline normal, but we learn very young to ignore what our own bodies tell us.

Excited101 · 09/10/2018 22:21

I agree op, I think the majority of women do. I have to be very controlled to lose/maintain weight. Left eating what I’d love to eat would be incredibly unhealthy and make me balloon. I love greasy food and sweet foods, some people just naturally have more unhealthy tastes.

Barbayagar · 09/10/2018 22:24

But eating is a balancing act isn't it and should be so? I eat when I'm hungry, not otherwise, and if I feel full I stop eating as I always feel sick when I overeat. I eat consciously; I always tease DH when he is munching crisps mindlessly while watching tv, I can't do that.

I am a serious runner so I want to keep my weight constant. If I know I am running a race or a long distance I will increase my food intake. If I have a rest day I never feel particularly hungry so just have light meals.

If I have eaten out and indulged I will adjust my food intake the next day because o don't feel like much.

Similar to a lot of people who exercise regularly, i like and prefer healthier foods, love home cooking and baking as well.

I think this is being conscious of what you eat but not obsessive.

Bluesmartiesarebest · 09/10/2018 22:24

Op, I hope you get help and start to have a better relationship with food in the future. The majority of women don’t have eating disorders and can be a healthy weight without worrying about it if they eat a normal balanced diet.

LemonysSnicket · 09/10/2018 22:25

Although I'm also counting being over weight and therefore over eating as an eating disorder...

Chickenkatsu · 09/10/2018 22:25

It's almost as if eating disorders are a spectrum with regular dieting at one end and anorexia and bulimia at the other.