To think most women have an eating disorder of some kind

[wonderandwander]

I have been referred to an ED clinic.
I’m in early forties and I can’t quite believe it. I won’t bore with detail but involved intervention of a dear GP friend, otherwise I would never have gone. It has dawned on me that I have been restricting to various degrees for best part of 20 years. Never bulemia or over eating. Always restriction and underweight. The upshot being I look a haggard mess and it’s affecting my hormones and bones.

It got me thinking though. Amongst my wide group of girlfriends, I think most think A LOT about food and restricting. We live in a very affluent part of the UK, and health / looks / gym etc is high on the agenda. There’s always diets on the go and talk of food.

Are there any women out there who really eat without thinking what they’re consuming? Really that relaxed about food? Don’t go on diets / restrict etc or the alternative- over eat / binge?

Genuinely curious. My mind is messed up, and wondering whether my thoughts on this issue are also messed up.

I think A LOT of people have unhealthy relationships with food and their bodies, but most would not actually qualify as having an eating disorder.

Personally I just can not and do not want to restrict. I enjoy food and I enjoy exercise. I try to make nourishing choices but I do love the odd chocolate or licorice and i love pasta and bread etc. I'm currently a size 14 after having 2 babies in 3 years. Would love to be back to a 10-12 but i have come to the realisation that amount of fun I have in my life has very little to do with my size.

I eat for health and also because I don't like my jeans being tight. But for that I mainly exercise.

My eating is not disordered in any way. Some days or weeks I eat lots of veg fruit etc, others I come home from work knackered and have a cheese sandwich and packet of crisps and that is supper. That is perfectly normal.

In my experience women with EDs like to think that everyone has one and they are perfectly normal. I don't think that's the case at all.

And ps OP not sure how old you are but think that's relevant. I live in a very affluent part of London and can't think of any of my 40-something friends having an ED is any kind.

My younger friends - late 20s/early 30s are more into calories etc. But still I wouldn't think many of them have a problem, apart from one who is extreme and went into an ED unit for a month two years ago.

I don't think most women have an eating disorder but i do think a lot of women have an unhealthy relationship with food, especially when they equate certain foods with being either "good" Or "bad," in the sense of "I've been so good today I can have a glass of wine tonight" or "I was so bad today, I had a bagel for lunch."

@DailyMailDontStealMyThread I didn't see if anyone answered your question but in relation bones, yo-yo dieting can cause osteoporosis to happen much younger and in some cases EDs can stop the body producing oestrogen

I think about what I’m eating, and I eat with my weight in mind amongst other things (health, enjoyment, the days activities etc.), but I’m not obsessive about it.

There’s a lot of difference between being mindful of what you’re eating, and disordered eating. There’s also a big difference between being in the throes of an ED, and occasionally having a disordered thought. I think the majority of people have the ocassional unhealthy thought or idea about food, but that’s not the same as obsessing over those thoughts day in and day out.

I think the vast majority have eds. Ednos is under diagnosed.

It's not suprising given the world we live in.

I also don’t have issues around food and I see don’t see any eveidence that my children do either, thank goodness. I just don’t spend a lot thinking about food at all.

I did decide to get fit and lose weight when I was 47-48 so I had to educate myself a bit and make sure that I was still eating healthily on restricted calories but it mostly was a good experience and I leant to up my protein and veg and not have so many empty carbs. I wasn’t excessively overweight, I lost a stone and a half and went down a dress size or two and I was back in a healthy range. I wanted to be fit and healthy going into menopause.

My mum was also a healthy role model around food too and I think we are the most important influence on our children. I have had friends who have struggled over the years with EDs and they always had a mum who also had food isssues.

There's so much pressure from society and other women to be slim. If a woman loses weight its always commented on, wow you look amazing, you've done so well etc. But if you gain weight its like the unspoken elephant (literally!) in the room. Its no wonder a lot of women are on a constant diet. I've struggled with over eating my whole adult life, I am gradually coming to the conclusion that its better to be slightly overweight and accept myself, than feeling constantly disgusted with my body. Such a waste of life when I could be out there enjoying myself.
A bit if a digression but I do feel its relevant.

I have a horrible relationship with food and have cycled through a few "types" of eating disorder, replacing one with another at various times (not deliberately!) in an attempt I suppose to gain control. I was referred to a psychologist specialising in EDs when I was 39.

I grew up knowing nothing but abnormal behaviours around food thanks to my mother and grandmother. Interestingly my sister doesn't have any issues at all, however was never eager to please as I was so didn't alter behaviour to conform - just ate as she pleased. My husband and parents have a good relationship, but the one issue that does make him feel anger towards my mother is my relationship with food and my awful self esteem linked to it (not that he has ever brought the subject up with her!).

I wouldn't say that most women in the UK have an ED but there is far too much value placed upon weight and looks and many women are caught in the trap of only feeling "worthy" when at (what is to them) an acceptable size / shape (myself included even though it is something I am trying so hard to ditch).

So is counting calories or 'cutting back' on food and not wanting to be obese considered an eating disorder nowadays? It would seem so from some of the posts on this thread.
How about the modern tendency to turn every trend or event, no matter how minor, into a 'thing'?

@Ghanagirl completely agree about that thread, it made uncomfortable reading.

There's so much pressure on women to get back 'into shape' post baby and to 'lose the mum tum'. I was constantly anxious about it. It's a horrible horrible feeling.

What does 'eating disorder' mean, though? Restricting calories? Does saying 'oh, I ate a big lunch so I'll ease off on dinner' mean that you have an ED? I really don't know.

All the best, OP

I don't know if I'm unusual but, I live in a nice part of London, none of my close friends have problematic relationships with food. One of them gets quite into fitness related eating, but that's it. We all eat normally, drink alcohol less than we used to, and used to party s lot when younger.

We all like to eat normally and fairly healthy, but nothing to extremes. Personally I can't stand the general OTT food obsession these days. One friend did get into a paleo diet for a while, and did bang on about it quite a lot.

"I grew up knowing nothing but abnormal behaviours around food thanks to my mother and grandmother. Interestingly my sister doesn't have any issues at all"

I suspect the development of eating disorders is much less influenced by parental behaviour than people generally assume. We have no history of eating disorders in my family yet my DD came close to anorexia when she was 14. Perhaps not having food issues myself made it easier for me to recognise disordered eating and to help her address it? I genuinely don't know. She is now 17 and has a much more normal relationship with food and her body although I still keep an eye out for warning signs.

I have never been on a diet and I'm in my 30's. I've always had a balanced diet and eat what I want. I'm a healthy weight and fairly active.
I don't understand the mentality of starving yourself all the time - it is disordered eating.

Mistigri it's fascinating really and something I have discussed a lot with the psychologist I see. I am naturally a person who would be susceptible I think due to my personality type. I do also think my mother's behaviour influenced me heavily (and still does if I let it) as she used to pay me to lose weight / make me write down everything I ate / bought me my own scales and calorie counting book at a very early age etc etc. "Bad food", "good food", bingeing and starving. I wasn't an overweight child - I was very sporty and active and not in need of any dietary intervention! So a combination of nature and nurture I assume. My own sister has a very different nature to me and actually was never ever told to lose weight or write food down; odd.

Your DD sounds lucky to have a perceptive and supportive mother.

Never been on a diet. Never restricted what I eat. Think I eat fairly healthily anyway, prob too much chocolate though

I am slim, genetically all my family are quite slim. I am a 10-12 so not super slim.

We don't have scales in our house.

Can't bear people going on and on about what they eat, diets etc. I also don't think looking thin is that nice, don't understand the obsession.

I do feel for people who have issues with food though as we all have to eat.

I agree from my experience. I feel stressed at work sometimes at lunch because the moment you start eating lots of the thin women start asking what you are having. You can’t ever eat anything without someone commenting. There is a lot of fakeness around it too with people pretending they eat loads when they clearly don’t. I need to lose weight but one particularly skinny girl always tries to tell me that I don’t need to and encourage me to eat more. Am 12 and a half stone and she probably weighs about 8 stone so her attitude makes no sense. There is lots of competitiveness around exercise and weight loss too. I have been on a diet my whole life but don’t really like discussing it as I would prefer to quietly get on with it in a way that suits me. I don’t think I can think of any woman at work who is normal about food at all.

I don't know about most or even a lot of women but ime being a fussy or picky eater is a much more common thing amongst women than amongst men

That said there's much more pressure on women to conform to a body ideal and it is natural amongst both sexes to play that weird psychological game where to make it easier not to eat (or smoke as another example) you convince yourself that you really really hate the taste of full fat coke or fatty meat (or cigs) rather than just thinking you shouldn't eat them or should simply limit your intake of said food

Gosh. I can see what you're saying OP but I think you're wrong.

Yes, many but not necessarily most women have an unhealthy relationship with food and spend too much time thinking about it, in a negative way.

(Just think what they could be doing with their time, if they didn't fritter it all away on this. I sometimes think the food and diet industries are, intentionally or not, a massive political movement, working to keep women out of public life, by distracting them and turning their mental energy inward, against themselves).

Only a few actually have eating disorders though. The fact you've been offered treatment (at a time of stretched NHS resources) says a lot. EDs are a mental illness and I can see it muct be a shock for you being told that what you thought was 'normal' represents disordered thinking to the extent of being an illness but, there you go. Far better to have found out now than later, when more serious physical effects had set in. Best wishes for your treatment

I've sometimes thought quite a bit about what I eat, sometimes in a very healthy way, sometimes not. I have also 'let it go' and eaten what I feel like eating, for a very long time. Because I have healthy habits, this works out pretty well.

I think in today's society it is difficult to just eat what you want and be considered totally healthy. Instincts are difficult to trust. Dress sizes change, people argue about BMI, fat measuring scales measure a dress size 12 as having an 'obese' amount of fat, people talk about skinny fat.

I am dieting. I monitor my food. I have lost over a stone and now am just inside a healthy BMI. My fat percentage measures far too highly. Last time it was good I was size 8-10 and I am a 12-14 now. I'm 5 ft 7. I run 6k just about every day.

I have had cancer and I know body fat could be a factor.

You bet I'm watching what I eat!

I think you're right, OP.

I definitely do. I used to be really restrictive but managed to work through it. Women (mainly from work) kept commenting I'd put on weight and one even said I was "naughty" for eating a Milky Bar. I'm back where I was before because I couldn't deal with that.

It's not until you get closer to different women that you realise that most do have issues.

I don't agree that most women have an issue. I did when younger. Now late 40s with 12 year old daughter. She never hears me talking about dieting or losing weight as I deny myself nothing. I don't want to create an issue for her in the future

And OP glad you are getting support. Hope you start to feel better soon x

Me too, I look too thin. 5 ft 6 and now 7 stone 10 pounds. My periods stopped for a couple years so I made the effort to eat more over the last few months. I haven't gained weight but have had two periods so assume that's good.