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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think most women have an eating disorder of some kind

184 replies

wonderandwander · 09/10/2018 21:05

I have been referred to an ED clinic.
I’m in early forties and I can’t quite believe it. I won’t bore with detail but involved intervention of a dear GP friend, otherwise I would never have gone. It has dawned on me that I have been restricting to various degrees for best part of 20 years. Never bulemia or over eating. Always restriction and underweight. The upshot being I look a haggard mess and it’s affecting my hormones and bones.

It got me thinking though. Amongst my wide group of girlfriends, I think most think A LOT about food and restricting. We live in a very affluent part of the UK, and health / looks / gym etc is high on the agenda. There’s always diets on the go and talk of food.

Are there any women out there who really eat without thinking what they’re consuming? Really that relaxed about food? Don’t go on diets / restrict etc or the alternative- over eat / binge?

Genuinely curious. My mind is messed up, and wondering whether my thoughts on this issue are also messed up.

OP posts:
OftenHangry · 09/10/2018 21:33

I hope you will do ok now and you get all the help you need x

Thinking about what you are eating is not a disorder unless it's into some extreme. Healthy diet cannot be without thinking about food into some extent.

Extreme (thinking or not thinking) -eating disorder-bad health impact includin mental health.

Normal-thinking about food to ensure you eat balanced or somewhat balanced diet - good impact on health including mental health.

I know your brain is now trying to rationalise why it's saying you must do that and that, but this idea can be very unhealthy for a relatively ok person reading it. Or for a person with ED who will think it's fine since most have it.

tenbob · 09/10/2018 21:34

I think it's a lot more prevalent in certain demographics than others

I went on a ski trip with a big group of (rich) people and was it was rather depressing to see how little most of the women ate, despite the fairly active days
And everyone had something they were avoiding - carbs, gluten, yeast
It seemed to be a badge of honour to be able to order huge plates of food in restaurants but then leave most of it

I'm certainly not innocent of it but I can't keep up that level of restriction for an entire week, while also being active

kilburnfrenchie · 09/10/2018 21:34

I think a lot do.
I don’t. Genuinely don’t but do eat healthily as habit- ie pretty much cook everything from scratch, don’t drink much, don’t tend to to snack. Am often shocked at how much other women think about / talk about weight. But also at how many people eat badly- processed stuff, sugary drinks (or just wine) lots of snacking etc.
And I am lucky- am naturally quite a slim/ athletic build with a fast metabolisma d naturally quite active. Size 10. Don’t put weight on easily. Don’t think about it or talk about it and weight basically hasn’t changed in 15 yrs aside from pregnancies.
Am quite strict about food with DD- as in she eats what we eat, and has to ask before helping herself to food (the answer is always yes) but she can’t just graze without me seeing what’s going on. She has no idea what a diet is/ doesn’t care about clothes/ being pretty etc- she is 5. Does care about food and likes cooking and things that are delicious.
For me it’s what’s normal/ habit- I feel good if I have 3 meals a day + maybe a piece of fruit if hungry. If over 2/3 days I eat too much I can feel it and just back off a bit. But I don’t diet.

batshite1 · 09/10/2018 21:35

I dont know anyone including of my myself that doesn’t hhave a problem with food. Some on constant diets, the vast majority though restrict what they eat, cut carbs etc & do a lot of exercise. I was always skinny & could eat what I what, but i’ve always enjoyed sport. Now after 2 kids & in my 30s I need to lose 2 stone, I never really thought about what i put in my mouth & it’s hard & boring to think about it now.

heatherscot · 09/10/2018 21:35

Genuinely don't think about it, makes me feel a bit frustrated to not be able to help others that do. Such a personal issue to deal with. Good luck, it is possible to live without food being an issue or worry.

batshite1 · 09/10/2018 21:36

I used to do a bit of modelling & very few girls are naturally thin particularly once they get into their 20s

MsWinters · 09/10/2018 21:36

Yabu

Girliefriendlikesflowers · 09/10/2018 21:37

I think a lot of women have an unhealthy relationship with food, either over or under eating.

bridgetreilly · 09/10/2018 21:37

I don't know about most. I know that I have worked VERY hard to maintain a happy relationship with food after watching my mother be on a permanent diet, constantly feeling guilty or proud of herself depending on what she's eaten. I eat what I want, when I want.

Aria2015 · 09/10/2018 21:40

I think there are eating disorders which is a very serious mental health issue and then to a lesser degree and far more common, disordered eating. I class disordered eating as a preoccupation with food coupled with periods of under and or over eating. Disordered eating isn't healthy but it doesn't pose the same danger as an eating disorder. Although I think disordered eating can have the potential to slip into a full eating disorder I'd say a stressful event occurred.

Mijkl · 09/10/2018 21:41

I really don't think about what I eat. But I do recognise the type of woman you describe, and yes there are a lot of people like that, maybe not all women but probably most. Also I am not naturally thin or anything.

Helmetbymidnight · 09/10/2018 21:42

I find women with disordered eating often say things like this.

I do knew a few people who struggled in their teens, twenties and thirties, but now I’m in my forties, most of my contemporaries don’t give off those signs at all.

I don’t. Never have. I like eating, but not that interested in food and I’m not interested in excercising for looks. Not everyone has food/body issues. (There are other issues!)

LARLARLAND · 09/10/2018 21:42

I feel very fortunate reading this. I have a good relationship with food.

jelliebelly · 09/10/2018 21:43

This thread really is extremely depressing - I can honestly say I've always had a normal relationship with good - eat 3 reasonable meals a day - love the sociable side of eating out with friends and family - yes sometimes eat rubbish and sometimes skip breakfast or lunch if busy but only occasionally. Im average height and average weight at 48 and my kids 13 and 10 are also active and healthy with no issues around food - I honestly don't get the obsession

Neshoma · 09/10/2018 21:43

No. I eat when I'm hungry. Some days we eat takeaway pizzas or Chinese, some days we eat salads or stirfrys. It depends what we fancy.

My and Dh are a little on the heavier side but happy with ourselves.

For me, food is just too nice and there are too many other interesting things to do in life to obsess about dieting and the size of my arse.

^this

Riversleep · 09/10/2018 21:47

I do think a lot of women have a complicated relationship with food. Not just undereating but overeating I think also counts as disordered eating. I think the clean eating movement is part of it too. Restricting basic food groups is basically weight loss under the guise of healthy eating. I don't know what the answer is. There are almost so many answers that there may as well be no answers.

Lethaldrizzle · 09/10/2018 21:47

I think I have a very healthy relationship with food. I eat when I'm hungry, pretty much what I want. But what I want is lovely healthy food most of the time. I'm also a pretty active person and like exercise. The people I know who have a problem with food are obsessed with it. I'm not.

PinkHeart5914 · 09/10/2018 21:49

No I don’t think most do at all

I hope you get the help you need OP

AmIRightOrAMeringue · 09/10/2018 21:51

I'm a healthy bmi, it's pretty much in the middle. I am half a stone more than I was pre baby but trying not to worry about it too much as I am still a healthy weight. I genuinely love food - I don't mean that in I can eat 10 Mars bars in a row type of way, more I love trying interesting things and like eating most veg etc. If I eat unhealthily for a few days I genuinely crave healthier things. So if I go to France and eat a lot of bread and cheese I'll balance it out with a lot of Asian style broths and salads when I get home.

I don't think I have an unhealthy relationship with food in terms of dieting / weight, but I think I do in terms of the amount I think about it. For example if we're going out for dinner I'll think about it all week and look through all the menus of all the places we will possibly go and talk about it far too much. I don't know where it's come from but doesn't seem to do me much harm

Shambu · 09/10/2018 21:51

I have a friend who had anorexia but all the rest of my friends are totally normal about food. They might over-indulge and then have to cut back a bit, but that's normal. We're all fairly slim. Women who talk about diets and food are tedious imo.

Judystilldreamsofhorses · 09/10/2018 21:52

I teach a lot of young women - aged 18/25 in the main - and few have what I would describe as “ordinary” figures. There seems to be a real extreme of gym-going/food obsessed/super-skinny versus heavier than is probably healthy. Depending on which group of students I am with on a given day, I can feel like a giant, or tiny. I’m a bog standard size 10 who walks everywhere, but loves cheese and wine.

mineofuselessinformation · 09/10/2018 21:52

Can I chip in and say I think rather than a demographic issue, it's a generational thing?
I'm older, and there was always the 'attractive and popular' group - and then there was the rest of us. Generally speaking, most people were reasonably slim, but no-one who was bigger was really judged, it was just accepted that was how they are.
I do think that in recent years there is a massive amount of pressure, particularly on young women, to be everything - attractive, slim, well-tanned to name a few.
I know younger women than me (with children) who happily describe themselves as 'sugar nazis'. They are as thin as a rail and can't see that it isn't healthy.
To be honest, I don't know what the solution is, but I do think it is a massive problem, and tbh, I think it's awful.

BonnieF · 09/10/2018 21:54

My BMI is within the normal range, most of the time. I eat what I want when I want, but I try hard to ensure that most of the time, what I want is reasonably healthy. Not having a sweet tooth definitely helps. I can genuinely take or leave chocolate, cakes and biscuits. Cheese and beer, on the other hand.....

ThistleAmore · 09/10/2018 21:54

I've been told that I have a 'disordered' approach to eating because I don't particularly like cake and keep an eye on the calories I consume.

I'm a very fit, strong 5'8", 72kg who works out, trains regularly and plays a lot of sports.

If my approach is disordered, what is ordered?

cementpointing · 09/10/2018 21:55

i dont think its normal to have a disorder. a lot of women have disorder traits but not enough for me to think they have a medical disorder.

eg my sister is obsessed and constantly talking about food and eats less one day so she can have a meal out with cocktails the next night.

eg my work colleague talks about not going over 7 stone 3lbs but she is only 5 ft 1.