To think most women have an eating disorder of some kind

[wonderandwander]

I have been referred to an ED clinic.
I’m in early forties and I can’t quite believe it. I won’t bore with detail but involved intervention of a dear GP friend, otherwise I would never have gone. It has dawned on me that I have been restricting to various degrees for best part of 20 years. Never bulemia or over eating. Always restriction and underweight. The upshot being I look a haggard mess and it’s affecting my hormones and bones.

It got me thinking though. Amongst my wide group of girlfriends, I think most think A LOT about food and restricting. We live in a very affluent part of the UK, and health / looks / gym etc is high on the agenda. There’s always diets on the go and talk of food.

Are there any women out there who really eat without thinking what they’re consuming? Really that relaxed about food? Don’t go on diets / restrict etc or the alternative- over eat / binge?

Genuinely curious. My mind is messed up, and wondering whether my thoughts on this issue are also messed up.

Haven't read TFT but I used to have quite excessive food issues from the age of about 14 (I'd piled on the pounds during puberty and was genuinely shocked at my transformation - stretch marks and all). I tried to restrict my food, but actually just set myself ridiculous targets that would never be achievable, and would cave in and over-eat. I spent about a decade bringing my food back up / restricting.

Now I am much better. I don't actively diet or have any bulimia issues. The only thing I do is miss breakfast and lunch each day - I only seem to get hungry once I've eaten, so tend to leave it for as long as possible. However I do always eat every day.

Less than 1% of UK adult women are underweight
More than 60% of UK adult women are overweight

there is a problem, but not the one the OP is portraying

there is too much cheap processed food in the UK
it takes will power to only eat the right amount

I had an eating disorder in my teens, not diagnosed but was very underweight, can't look at photos of myself at that time now because of how sick I look.
Lots of restricting, I almost enjoyed being hungry, but then felt guilt because I knew it wasn't healthy.
I would eat in front of people and would force myself to eat, counting mouthfuls, dividing the food.
I've also broken into tears at being presented with a plate of food I had no hope of finishing.
Sounds fucked up written down.
Now, I never weigh myself, never count calories but I do restrict.
Don't eat particularly healthy foods or have a balanced diet and very rarely eat three meals a day.
Opposite of a comfort eater, if I'm stressed my appetite disappears.
Im classed as a healthy weight now, but feeling that I'm the heaviest I've ever been, tried on some clothes today and looked like a sack of spuds gone wrong.
And even standing there, I thought, do i really look like that, is it that bad or is my mind playing tricks?
I'm size 10 but short and all the fat is on my gut.
Anyway I'm restricting at the moment in the hope of losing weight.
I'm off alcohol already so hoping that will make a difference.
I'm still what would be described as a fussy eater.
Still sounds pretty fucked up really, I definitely spend more of my life than I would like thinking about food.

Coming from someone that has spent 15 years under the care of eating disorders team and a long stay admission to a unit last year, I can now honestly say that I can eat without feeling the need to restrict.
I don't know what clicked in my brain but I am now happy, confident and full of life. I don't care about my body or my size, I am comfortable enough now with my figure and the treatment that I have received to eat completely guilt free.
So it is possible that it can be done and you can find a way back and onto a new life for yourself.
I wish you the very best of luck in your recovery and will be thinking of you.
It is worth it trust me. It changed my life.

Are there any women out there who really eat without thinking what they’re consuming? Really that relaxed about food? Don’t go on diets / restrict etc or the alternative- over eat / binge?

Yes - me! I like to try and eat healthy - but I’m a good cook and love veg. And this is for my health not how I look. I’ll eat treats if I want or whatever though. I love eating.

I’m sure there are others like this. But it does sound like you do need some help. I hope you get the support you need!

I wish people did things for their health and well-being rather than vanity.

I think a lot do. You just have to hear people talking about food and “good” food and “bad” food comes up so much.

I certainly do. I’ve yo-yoed for about 15 years between being fat (obese, in fact) and being almost underweight. I’m dieting at the moment (still overweight) and obsessed with staying under 1000kcal a day. I know it’s wrong but it feels like it’s all or nothing with me, full control or none.

Maybe it’s unhealthy relationships with food rather than eating disorders, but I see it a lot.

I would say that myself and one of my good friends have a distorted relationship with food.

I always read labels, I watch what I eat, I restrict what I eat and if I do indulge (and I do) then I figure out ways to shave it off with exercise or intermittent fasting.

I went through a phase of exercising a lot and eating not a lot but very healthily and to be perfectly honest I never looked better. I was very slim and very toned. About 8 stone and size 8.

Now I’m 8.5 stone and I wish I could shift that half a stone. But I am much less disciplined and as my body ages it’s more difficult.

I know my friend is exactly the same as me.

However I love to eat out, enjoying cooking and food is a huge part of my social life.

Your case sounds extreme and I wish you nothing but strength and wellness going forwards.

I might be misunderstanding your post OP but you seem to be suggesting that if you think about what you eat you have an eating disorder. I'd disagree with this. I think about what I eat to ensure that I get a balance of nutrients and take into account what I'm doing that day. For example if I know that it's likely that I won't be able to get lunch I'll eat a protein and fat rich breakfast because I know that will fill me up and take me through the day. I don't consider that to be a disorder just sensible planning.

I’m a healthy BMI of 22 but at 5ft 2in and size 10:I don’t meet the MN definition of “slim”. I never miss meals, and eat mostly what I want which is mostly healthy and don’t drink much but do have the occasional treat. I wouldn’t say I have a totally relaxed attitude to food.

Into my early twenties I'd have been the same as many on here - no no, I eat what I want and don't have to think about it, I just naturally don't eat too much blah blah - but then I gained 18lbs when I met DH, joined slimming world and so began my weight gain. I firmly believe joining a slimming club made it all worse, partly because SW let's you eat so much sugar and partly because it gave me this weird thing about weigh in day and restricting all day for the lowest weight then treating the time in the evening afterwards as some kind of twilight zone time where I could eat crap. Definitely helped develop the binge eating issues that followed. I ended up 17.5 stone at 5'8" after always being 10.5 stone.

I'm now down to 13.5 stone so getting there but it does mean planning my meals and thinking of things a lot. I don't restrict or binge anymore though which feels like a huge achievement. I also don't beat myself up as much if I have a dessert or something. I still spend a lot of time hating on my body though, which is sad. I guess I'm in the middle of the process of letting food stuff go.

I'd like to think about the whole thing less but I do feel I need to think about it at the moment as it's important for my health for me to reduce my weight. I just try and reduce intrusive or irrational thoughts.

I think many many women are disordered about food. I don't talk about food or weight really as it makes me uncomfortable, but despite this many of my slim, fit friends seem to take great pains to talk a lot about how much they eat, though you never see them actually eating...

I don't find it hard to just eat what I want when I want it. I am quite slim at 8 stone and 5'6". I don't really think about food other than 'what do I feel like eating'. I don't think my relationship with food is at all disordered. The only thing I do is try to eat plenty of fruit and veg because it's good for me. Luckily I really do like fruit and veg so it is not too difficult.

I don't know about other women because I have literally never had a conversation IRL about eating habits with any other person. I'm nearly fifty. I see it all the time on MN but it's not something that is in any way relevant to my daily life.

Someone else raised the distinction between an eating disorder, and disordered eating. I think a lot of women have an unhealthy relationship with food without it crossing the line to an eating disorder.

It's an interesting question as to what percentage of women have an unhealthy relationship with food - I guess that many women who are significantly overweight do, and also many normal weight women who follow diets that involve restricting (or eating more of) foodstuffs that are credited with damaging (or special health giving) properties.

I have never owned scales and not knowing or caring what I weigh almost seems like a radical feminist act these days.

I haven't read the full thread. I personally think I have a healthy attitude towards eating in that I will eat if I am hungry and never worry that it's too much or too little. I eat out and pick what I fancy and never think I should make the most of it or not eat all day so I can have a blow out.

I was always really tiny, properly petite in every way with a bmi about 19 when I fell pregnant the first time. I'm now 6 months post partum with my third child, 9 years older and a completely different shape but my bmi is 21. I have retained the same attitude towards eating throughout. I have never been on a diet or considered restricting my food. I have also never forced myself to have or finish food when I'm not hungry.

At the same time though my diet is not healthy. I only drink full sugar coke and basically no water. I eat very few vegetables, although I'm better with fruit. I eat a very meat and carb heavy diet, although mostly homemade, and do no exercise beyond general life with kids.

So as much as I don't spend any of my time worrying about my weight/figure or what I eat and when, I can never pretend that I am healthy.

OP when I was dealing with my own mental health issues I tried for a long time to justify my behaviour by claiming it was how everyone else thought/ behaved.

So yes, I do think a lot of women have issues with food but if you've been referred for treatment then clearly yours are far more serious than most. I would urge you to accept that you need help and do all that you can to recover

I've recently started seeing a counsellor to get help with my recurring ED. I'm 40. It has been part of my life since I was 16 and gets really bad and takes over my life, then the frequency lessens but it's always there.

I have 2 daughters and one of the main reasons I have finally sought help is that I would absolutely hate them to discover what I do to lose weight/maintain. If they ever thought of their bodies the way I do or had the fucked up relationship I have with food, I would be devastated.

Nobody knows what I do. It's completely hidden and I appear to be fit and healthy to everyone I know.

OP, I'm glad that you are getting help. I think how liberating it would be to be able to deal with body image and food issues in a healthy fashion.

I am quite slim at 8 stone and 5'6"

That doesn’t sound like “quite slim” to me tbh.

Nope. I eat when I'm hungry, and stop when I'm full. I love food, and I'm not overweight. My 17yo dd is the same.

Agree @SerenDippitty that would make a bmi of 18 which is technically healthy but still very much on the brink of being underweight. When I left my ed unit a minimum bmi of 20 was required. Which for 5ft4in was 8st8! 😱

9 stone is the healthy weight for a 5ft6 woman.

I'm 5'6 I've dropped to 8 stone down from 10 and a half due to a health issue and I look horrendous. I can count my ribs and my periods have stopped.

I wouldn't class it as "quite" slim.

I was anorexic when I was 18, recovered then relapsed a bit in my early 20s. I'm overweight now - gone the other way and eat when stressed or unhappy. I think about food and my weight all the time, I know calorie contents of everything. I hate the way I look, I've recently lost a stone and am finding it difficult to do it without being over restrictive. I have always felt fat, even when I was 6 and a half stone I would look in the mirror and see rolls of fat. I feel jealous of people who eat exactly what they want without worrying. I wouldn't say I have an eating disorder currently, but neither am I normal! Most other people I know seem to treat food more normally than I do.

I honestly do not and have never had issues with food. I’ve always eaten what I want and have been about the same dress size and weight for all my adult life - even after two pregnancies. It’s a combination of genetic luck and having what I call an ‘off switch’. I stop eating when I’m full and that’s that. I credit my parents for never forcing me to finish what was on my plate or guilt me over food in any way. Food was never emotional in our house growing up. Nothing was restricted. Everything was up for grabs in moderation. It was just never a big deal.

Having said all that, I know that about half of my female friends and family have disordered eating to a greater or lesser extent. With one friend even receiving hospital treatment for anorexia. Most of my uni friends went through periods of purging and under eating and extreme limited diets like the vegan raw food diet and 10 day juice detoxes. My MIL has a very obvious eating disorder, although she denies it. She over exercises, under eats, and is experiencing all the osteoporosis and other types of health problems associated with borderline starving yourself for years.

So, to answer your question OP I’d say your assertion that most women have some sort of ED is probably right. I think I just happen to be in the minority that don't.

Yeah all my (female) friends are either on diets or talk about their weight/ exercise etc. I had a mild ED in my teens but have slightly disordered eating now, although I'm a healthy weight and no one would ever guess it. The women in my family talk constantly about food/ diets/ weight. I'm thinking about my female colleagues too which are always talking about food/ diets too. It's depressing.

I think most women have issues with food, yes. Or at least many of the ones I know!

Restriction/excessive exercising/obsessing over MFP etc...

And if we include binge eating, overeating/emotional eating, as well as yo-yo dieting, (none of which is healthy long-term), then yes, absolutely many UK women have food issues.

Personally, I have been at various times: a restricter, an obsessive exerciser, a fastidious food-weigher and calorie calculator. Have also been a binge eater an overeager in general. Not too bad at the moment but maintaining a good and relationship with food has often eluded me.

Lol @ overeager 😂 An overeager overeater!