To think most women have an eating disorder of some kind

[wonderandwander]

I have been referred to an ED clinic.
I’m in early forties and I can’t quite believe it. I won’t bore with detail but involved intervention of a dear GP friend, otherwise I would never have gone. It has dawned on me that I have been restricting to various degrees for best part of 20 years. Never bulemia or over eating. Always restriction and underweight. The upshot being I look a haggard mess and it’s affecting my hormones and bones.

It got me thinking though. Amongst my wide group of girlfriends, I think most think A LOT about food and restricting. We live in a very affluent part of the UK, and health / looks / gym etc is high on the agenda. There’s always diets on the go and talk of food.

Are there any women out there who really eat without thinking what they’re consuming? Really that relaxed about food? Don’t go on diets / restrict etc or the alternative- over eat / binge?

Genuinely curious. My mind is messed up, and wondering whether my thoughts on this issue are also messed up.

I have no issues with food at all. I eat what I want. I try and keep it balanced - I don't eat cakes for breakfast or anything - but I have never calorie counted in my life, I don't measure my food portions or anything like that and I never weigh myself. I eat one small chocolate bar every day. I don't go to the gym or consciously exercise but I don't have a car so I walk most places - it's a 40 minute walk to work and I do that twice a day.

I'm 5'4 and a size 10. Never been overweight.

I think many women (myself included) have an unhealthy relationship with food and disordered eating. I think there are lots of reasons for this and that in many ways food has ceased to be simply a ‘functional fuel’ in our society.
I think sadly, many of the messages in Susie Orbach’s Fat is a Feminist issue (written over 40 years ago?) are still very relevant today.
That said, I also know that getting a referral to EDS is very difficult, and like many stretched services, they are only able to take on ‘serious’ cases.
So, an endemic of disordered eating is no reason to minimise an eating disorder requiring medical intervention. You’re not well OP, and this needs to be taken seriously.
Wishing you all the best in your treatment

I think you’re underestimating how debilitating eating disorders really are.

Yes, there are different degrees of them, such as with any illness. But for the most part ED’s are life-changing. Your entire day and life revolves around food and your weight. It’s not ‘oh I eat salads 4 days a week but at the weekend I treat myself hehe’ – it is literally: I am NOT ALLOWED to eat this food, and if I do, I will probably self-harm or take serious action to reverse what I’ve done (laxatives/throwing up/excessive exercise/fasting for x amount of days)

Yes, I agree that a lot of women are obsessed with how they look – but that doesn’t mean they have an ED. An ED takes over your life and becomes a daily demon you are trying to fight. Not just an ‘oops I shouldn’t have eaten that McDonalds, diet starts again Monday!’

Yanbu.
Mumsnet is a good example of some of that twisted thinking. There are frequently long threads where numerous posters will state that they weigh 8 stones at 5ft 4 and as such feel rather plump and overweight. It’s so toxic.
Amongst my friends, they all weigh themselves on an almost daily basis. How do I know? Because every time we go out, the subject of weight, diets, food and calories comes up.
I don’t own a pair of scales. I try to eat healthily and my dress size is 14, which is considered gargantuan by most mumsnetters standards. I don’t restrict or count carlories. I don’t do fad diets like 5:2, Atkins, Cambridge, paleo. I don’t remove any food groups from my diet and see no need to unless there are genuine allergies. Imagine getting to eighty and realising that you’ve spent a lifetime vaguely obsessing about your size. How depressing.

Thank you for responses.

I have read them all carefully and appreciate the kind words.

With the benefit of hindsight i realise it was a daft question to pose. If you don’t have any issue with food whatever it is highly likely you simply won’t be aware of watchful of how others engage with food. Likewise, if you have food issues you will likely see shadows where there possibly are none. Indeed, everyone without exception who says they have an issue thinks that disordered eating amongst women is very common (“epidemic”), and I fall in both categories (problem with food and the category of thinking that it’s widespread).

Those saying that none of their friends or acquaintances seem to have a problem should be cautious thinking that. It is a very deceptive “issue”. I have best friends if 20 years. Whilst they think I’m too skinny, because I eat well whenever I am with them, they have no clue I have an issue

There's a big difference between dieting on & off because you lack the willpower to not eat too much crap, and having an eating disorder. A whole big amount of control different. And a completely different view of food. Thinking 'I really shouldn't eat that cake because my jeans are getting tighter every year' is worlds apart from 'I'll just have lettuce on the smallest piece of lowest-calorie-available bread I can find and I'll call it a meal and not even realise it's screwed thinking'. Saying that most women have an eating disorder of some kind minimises the destruction that an eating disorder can have.

I eat what I like Never been on a diet
I’m size 10-12

I eat because my body needs fuel - bit like putting petrol in the car
If I put diesel in my unleaded car it’s not going to work very well
If I stuff myself with cakes and biscuits im not going to be very healthy so I choose to put healthy food in my body
Don’t think I’ve got an eating disorder

I think your perception that ED's could apply widely, may be to do with the type of women you're around.

I live in a 'very affluent' area of the UK too, one of the most affluent areas of London. But none of my female friends are preoccupied with looks, gym, diets. If they talked about food I'd tell them to bore off. But we're all fairly serious professionals.

There are SAHMs around me whose DHs earn a bomb and spend their life going to the gym, Pilates, golf, having Botox and fillers etc. Preoccupation with appearance is much higher among them, so maybe more likely to have food issues - they certainly watch what they eat more than I do.

Op if your friends are telling you they think you are too skinny, they probably suspect you have a problem. I did initially agree with you that many women have issues with food and disordered relationships with it but having issues to the extent that you've been referred to an ED clinic probably means you are noticeably thin and your friends are likely aware that what you think is healthy is just not.

Shambu, interesting.
I don’t fit that mould though, as a lawyer as single parent.
And reading around the issue, it would seem that anarexia is often seen in girls / women obsessed with academic and professional success (perfectionism). It’s certainly been a feature of how I have led my life.

Oh I’m very underweight (7’4 stones 5’7)

But I do eat. Just stupidly healthily

I reckon I am orthorexic rather anorexic but assessment may indicate otherwise

How interesting how many people have responded to your question.
I think that may give you a clue to the answer.
As a personal trainer most women I see have some sort of attachment issue to certain types of food that verges on addiction. My own is cake and biscuits and wine!! Some can’t stop eating cheese while others love potatoes. It is such a shame that most of us seem to have lost that natural ability to eat what we need rather than what we fancy. We are bombarded with talk on what we should and shouldn’t eat it is no wonder we are all completely losing the plot on what is a proper diet!!
As a woman approaching 50 I also think our idea of what is a good weight has gone out of the window. Our bodies naturally want to hold more weight as we get older so if we want something to stay the same we have to fight even harder , exercise more and cut out more .
Maybe we should all embrace our curves and listen to out bodies a bit more rather than listening to scientists and politicians!!
My body says one glass of wine a night is very good fo it!! Cheers

I do agree that by the time friends are commenting that you're "too skinny" they are very likely aware that you have some form of disordered eating. That is certainly not a phrase I would use of a friend who I thought was looking healthy and fit.

I do have some concern that threads like these trivialise the severity of EDs and indeed only encourage / normalise the obsessive concern with weight that can play a role in some forms of disordered eating.

I feel that one persons "disordered eating" is another's "healthful eating".

I could be seen as disordered because I don't eat processed foods or carbs/grains/sugar/dairy/alcohol etc etc and I exist in a wonderful cycle of intermittent fasting and 2 vegetable heavy meals a day.

To someone else's eyes, I only eat "salads" and I exercise a lot. My daily calorie intake is probably 1000 calories on average, some days more some days less.

I'm obsessed with food and what I put in my body but not because of "dieting" but because I've learned that my body is so much more healthy by eating what I eat, so I'm mindful of what I choose.

I don't believe there is a "normal" way of eating because one size does not fit all.

Rangerider lacking willpower hasn't got anything to do with it. You are only describing restricting but there are many eds. It's not only eating tiny amounts.

I was at one point bulimic and anorexic- but now I eat everything, Don’t think about it at all, I’m so lucky I’ve had a brilliant recovery. Many don’t. Xx

Oh I’m very underweight (7’4 stones 5’7) .But I do eat. Just stupidly healthily

I’m glad you accept that it’s very underweight. You must look because I was once that weight at 5’ 5” ( due to a physical Illness ) and I looked awful .

Do you also accept that you don’t eat healthily ? Because healthy eating means giving your body the proper nutrition, and you are not doing that.

You must look thin

sttrokethefurrywall.
Have you thought about orthorexia. I'm not saying you have an ed but I look at orthexics who upload pics of their plates of vedge and again it's something less well known.

@Strokethefurrywall

May I ask your weight and height?

I eat more than 1000 calories a day (hardly any fat at all), and I am very underweight. If I ate your diet and exercised intensely - I would honestly be emaciated.

anyone who cuts out many food groups; intermittently fasts; and describes themselves as “obsessed” with food in the same sentence doesn’t seem to have the healthiest approach to food.

But who am I to talk?!

@Dazedandconfused1988

How did you recover? With outside help? How long did it take?

I think it's hard to have a healthy relationship with food. There's media, the bmi (everyone thinks I look healthy and reasonably thin and are shocked that I hover at obesity on the bmi). There's also lifestyle. Sedentary jobs, etc. There's not a day that goes by when I'm not considering what I eat and it's something I think about a lot.

Yes. I think i have orthorexia. As I do eat. Just insanely healthily and low fat.

I’m trying though

I know you must be trying or you wouldn’t have posted. But I’m worried that you are using this thread to convince yourself that you are ok and don’t need professional help.

No I don’t think that’s the case