not attending parents evening?

[GreenLantern53]

I told my child teacher I wouldnt be able to attend parents evening and she didnt look impressed. aibu not attending?

Exactly what @bridgetreilly said.

I think it's also important the you attend so your child knows their education is important to you, that you have an interest in the 7hours a day they are at school.

If you work, there should be an option of booking time off or swapping shifts. If you can't do that, then you arrange to see the teacher another time.

Show an interest OP, it's important.

Well of course the reasons are relevant because it shows how much of an effort you have made to attend - if it was a life saving blood transfusion you would be able to attend. If you can't go because you're on a girl's night out for example then YABU. If you are working and don't want to waste half a day's leave YABU. If you have a child at home with SEN who can't be left with a babysitter then YANBU. If you are performing life saving surgery YANBU.

The reason isn’t relevant on here no, but it is to the teacher.

It is a bit shit not to go. Can the child's dad not go, or maybe even a grandparent or aunt or uncle? Most people rearrange work if it clashes with something like this. Could you request to come in for a quick meeting another day instead?

It depends on the reasons.

I chose not to attend the Spring parent's evening last school year, they were the night before & the night of my Dad's funeral & honestly I didn't have the headspace. I wrote to each teacher separately explaining why & saying I'd be happy to go in at a later date if they thought there was anything in particular that needed discussing, they all popped out at the end of the day after the letter went in saying all was well with them & not to worry that I couldn't go. If I'd just said "I'm not coming" I might well have received as a reaction.

If you delivered that you couldn’t go with the same attitude on here then I don’t blame the teacher for looking unimpressed. Yes working parents find it hard to make time but the teacher is working too and if they can’t do their job or has to see you at an additional time that impacts their life.

Of course the reason is relevant...
if it's "I can't go to parents evening because I get my nails done on a Wednesday" - YABU
Or if it's "I can't go to parents evening because I'm at work/visiting a sick relative" - YANBU

**the reasons I used above are just examples and not the only reasons...

I am a teacher and I have generally found the parents I really want to see just don't show up but the ones I don't really need to see as their children are doing well, want to stay longer than 10 mins. Ask in writing, if you can speak to teacher, for 10 mins one day immediately after school instead.

It does depend on a lot of things.

Age of child, how many parents evenings have you been able to attend, how much notice you had of timings.

Eg, I always attend my dc pageants evenings. I think I have missed 2 in total, over 10 years of parents evenings across three children (so missed 1 meeting for dc2 and 1 meeting for dc3), and managed to arrange an alternative time for both those.

It’s parents evening for dc2 next week, first one at secondary. ExH is not attending, because he can’t. I’m not particularly impressed, because the date has been known since early summer, and so I’m not convinced that he couldn’t have rearranged his vital meeting at some point over the last 3 months. He hadn’t checked the (online, school) calendar, and so only found out about it yesterday, and now can’t reschedule, and is making out as though he is totally blameless. He hasn’t, as far as I am aware, contacts the school to see if he can arrange an alternative meeting.

No one else can attend. Father is absent. I will see if they can arrange another day.

I think you probably abu, I work and have very little child care but make the effort for both my parents evenings. Id ask for an alternative

Yabu, most schools will work with you to arrange a time when you can attend. If you had said to the teacher that you can’t attend on that date but are happy to arrange another time, you might not have got such a look.

There’s “can’t go”, and “can’t go and won’t be flexible just to make a point about being a working parent”.

Like a PP said, you aren’t the only working parent.

Don't you just love AIBU posts where the person starting the thread clearly thinks they are not unreasonable...

If you are not going to explain to us why you are not going how can we work out if you are acting reasonably? If you don't want to give the whole story then don't bother starting a thread about it.

Explain in private to your child's teacher why you cannot attend and arrange a time to have a chat when it is convenient. Trust me the parents you want to see never bloody turn up so at least make some effort to discuss your child's education.

I also imagine if your attitude was similar to your attitude here then you probably gave the impression that you haven't made much effort to move things around to enable you to go.

The teacher might well have kids or other commitments they have to juggle to enable them to go to parents evening so if the parents just say "can't go" without any explanation they're bound to think you haven't tried hard.

My schedules are set up to 10 months in advance and it can be nearly impossible to shift them. Some schools publish dates far enough in advance for me to avoid it, others don't. I would though email to explain my reason to the teacher, although you don't need to say here I would give her some indication- important medical appointment, working etc. and willingness but not an expectation to see them at another time.

It depends how you spoke to the teacher.
If you said I can’t attend perants evening. Then yabu

Teachers view parents who miss parents evening dimly. My cousins are primary teachers and they don’t think too highly of parents who miss it. School plays and assemblies are different, of course working parents can’t always make these things but parents evening is important.

It depends how you spoke to the teacher.
If you said I can’t attend perants evening. Then yabu. If you said I am awfully sorry I can’t make it because of xyz I am interested in how little green lantern is doing when can we reschedule.

she asked me infront of 30 parents like I said dont want to go into the reasons infront of 30 parents.

outpinked I think your cousins need to take theirs heads out their arses and realise that life isn’t as simple as that.

There is of course, a massive difference if the parents have no interest as all in their child’s education.

On the slip for our school, if you can't attend there is another box to request a time or date outside of the 2 dates given.
I expect if you were blunt about it, she may not have known you weren't able to, she's taken the lead from your communication tone.

The reason isn’t why you got a look. It’s because (from the very little you have said) you made no attempt at being interested at all in attending. Did you just said “no can’t come”?

Can't as in Can't or can't as in 'it's inconvenient for me and I don't want to have to make arrangements' is a big difference too. I have to say whilst I'd hope not to show it, I'd probably be a little unimpressed if a parent said they weren't coming in the same attitude you've done so far.

Parents' evenings are part of my directed time and timetabled in advance. I'd expect it to be a pretty good reason why a parent wouldn't attend a publicly advertised evening and expect me to work outside of directed time around them.

Op, why is she having to ask you? Don’t miss schools send out appointment sheets rather than verbally speaking to parents? Especially with the amount of parents that don’t do pick ups or drop offs.