not attending parents evening?

[GreenLantern53]

I told my child teacher I wouldnt be able to attend parents evening and she didnt look impressed. aibu not attending?

[Mia1415]

No, I'm sorry OP YABU. I'm a single parent. I work full time. I always make sure I go to parents evenings. I rearrange work and organise childcare. They are important. I want to know how my DS is getting on. I want to ask questions about what his is doing at school.

AND far more importantly than any of that, it demonstrates to my DS that I'm interested in his education. That I am speaking to his teacher. That I care. He wants to know what she says about him, the same I was wanted to know what my teacher's said to my Dad growing up.

This stuff matters (well I think it does anyway).

[Mia1415]

Plus in reception you normally get to look at all the work and their learning journals. I was amazed at just how much work the school put in to them. We could then write notes to our children saying how we'd looked at their work and how proud we were.

These are moments you don't get again!

[SleepingStandingUp]

Just been to our first of three for the school year.

Asked how I thought he was doing since September and to write something in a proud cloud. I think at this age particularly there's an element of ascertaining how involved and aware the parent is, how interested they are in the targets etc. and how supportive you are of their learning.
I short grumpy "I can't come" with no suggestion of catching up another time does rather sound like an "I can't be bothered" as opposed to an "I can't come, can we have a chat on X day please"

[FrenchJunebug]

I am a single mum and work full time and if I cannot make parents evening I explain to the teacher and arrange to meet the teacher another time. Your answer make it sound as if you couldn't care less about parents' evening and if I was the teacher I wouldn't be impressed.

[Basecamp65]

Have to say I never really bothered with parents evenings as i found them a complete waste of time and only went to the odd one.

At primary school I was very involved with their education and knew exactly how my kids were getting on and any issues I addressed immediately with the teachers and parents evenings added nothing new to our conversations.

At secondary school it was clear few of the teachers actually knew who my kids were or anything about them bar the marks in their books. I never had any issues that could not be dealt with by a phone call. If I had an issue that coincided with a parents evening I might have gone but honestly I never got anything out of them I did not already know and never had any major issues anyway.

Maybe if I was not so aware of how my children were doing and relied on a yearly update it would be worth going but I was never that type of parent. It wasn't I was not interested in my child's education but that parents evenings did not add to my knowledge of it in anyway.

My mum always said i should go to parents evenings to show the teacher i was a good parent - errrr surely teachers teach the child according to their needs and abilities and not on how good they perceive the parents to be??

Maybe any teachers on here could correct me but does a parents attendance at parents evening have any impact on the way you teach them?

Both my kids got 10 GCSE and 4 A levels and successful careers by the way and never cared if I went to parents evening or not.

But each to their own

[Lovemusic33]

I agree Base, after attending many parents evenings and being told nothing that I didn’t already know I have stopped going to dd2’s. At primary school we had weekly drop in sessions where you could talk to the teacher and see their work so if there was anything wrong you would be told. Now dd2 is in a sn school we have annual meetings and they contact me if there are any concerns. I went to one of her parents evenings and it was total chaos, no one had a time slot, you just turned up and waited for a teacher to be free only to be told nothing I didn’t know already. It was a waste of time me taking time off work and arranging extra childcare. I now tick the box to have a phone call instead.

[GrumpyMummy123]

I'm with the majority. You make an effort to organise your life around parents evenings, school performances etc. We get the list at the beginning of the year and organise leave/ days off around it months in advance if necessary. It amazes and frustrates me how many other parents are constantly asking when things are, what time etc at the last minute and then complain they can't go. To me it's a lack of respect to my child, the teachers and school to not read the emails, look after the letters and communication they send out. Yes it's an effort to keep on top of it, but it's worth it. Even if thay are doing well, behaves, is very engaged and enjoys going to school but I'll 100% be at parents evening, even if it meant finding someone to babysit or OH having to reorganise work as it's important to be involved - even if it's just for 5 mins to be told he's on target and no concerns.
Its making the effort, showing interest, respecting their education that all helps. As soon as I don't bother it sends the message that it doesn't matter and his education/life isn't as important as what we want to do.

[YeTalkShiteHen]

We found out about DDs first parents evening this morning! Managed to go, and we were bloody impressed that the headteacher knows the name and class of every child in the school! Impressive 8 weeks into term.

[Thesnobbymiddleclassone]

@GrumpyMummy123 you get a lost for the whole year?! Wow!! We get basic term dates but they don't include parents evenings, assembly and so on. Is I only get 22 days off a year, way less than the amount of stuff they want you to attended and you just have to pick and mix and get to the things you can.

[Lizzie48]

I really don't get this at all. Our DDs' school have 3 days of parents' evenings where you can pick the slot that works for you. If there are no times that suit you, you can arrange a meeting with the teacher that's at a convenient time.

Why wouldn't you want to have a meeting with the class teacher??

[busybarbara]

To be honest if your child is performing well, they're really just for social purposes.. oh X is doing well, oh wonderful, we're studying Y next term, oh great. It's OK to make the nice with the teacher but hardly essential.

If your kid is not doing so well and actually needs some academic guidance, then you really do have to go.

[FrankIncensed]

This makes me so sad for your child. My parents never went to my parent's evenings (Mum lived miles away (not her fault my Dad moved me away) and my Dad was always "too busy"). It still makes me a bit sad when I think about it over 20 years later.

[FinallyATea]

Just go...

[DNAP]

Definitely a ‘can’t be bothered’ vibe coming through here. I’m not surprised the teacher was unimpressed. Parents evening take high priority on my agenda, and always have.

[cantkeepawayforever]

oh X is doing well, oh wonderful, we're studying Y next term, oh great.

If that is genuinely all the teachers tell you, then complain to the school - IME MUCH more information is provided / prepared to to give to parents than that - I posted above about what we do as a 'normal minimum' in terms of information provided / items to discuss.

Or is it a case of this being what you remember, once the details of strengths and weaknesses in all the core subjects, progress to date, assessment results, specific things to work on etc etc etc have long faded having washed over you on the evening itself? I do sometimes wonder, a feeling reinforced by this thread, whether parents are taking in the detailed feedback i have spent hours preparing for!

[busybarbara]

If that is genuinely all the teachers tell you, then complain to the school - IME MUCH more information is provided / prepared to to give to parents than that

TBH I like all of my DCs' teachers and aren't going to start complaining about them, but it really does tend to turn into "nothing to really say, they're fine" at most of these meetings. Which is better than the alternative, I guess!

[Conseulabananahammock]

My mum was never present for anything I did at school. I still resent her for it now. Like she never cared. She is still the same now. Not a good relationship to have .

[MaisyPops]

busybarbara
Even where students are getting on fine every school I've worked in we tell parents about strengths/weaknesses, how thry can improve further etc.

The only exception is the year 7 tutor evening which is to chat about how they're settling into school. They can be a bit 'settling well, seem happy, no concerns.

[TheSteakBakeOfAwesome]

Why wouldn't you want to have a meeting with the class teacher??

So far I've already had one meeting with the class teacher and a fair few meetings with the SENCO who teaches my other child (so the "is Madam Gobby behaving herself?" line's come up a few times in passing anyway). If it spares the teachers a fairly pointless consultation I'm happy to give parents evening a swerve if I know how they're doing anyway!

Actually I never passed judgement if a family didn't come to parents evenings when I was teaching - what I did do was to make sure that I didn't give off any negative vibes about it as if you've got a family who are already fairly disengaged with the school, the last thing to do is to make that barrier worse. Meant that one mum who'd avoided anything school related for years (her kid had fairly severe behaviour issues but was actually the sweetest little lad under it all) did tentatively begin to engage with the school and we finally did get her attending parents evenings and the like by the end of the year and she even volunteered to help the class walk somewhere! If I'd have gone at things heavily to start with - that would never have happened because she was basically terrified of the school, had been greeted with endless lists of things her lad had done wrong over the years and had just detached totally assuming we all thought negative things about her and her parenting (I actually had a shitload of respect for her as she'd been through some awful stuff and just wanted to do the best by her kids).

[Poloshot]

If you think parents evening is pointless then that doesn't bode well for your children not ending up as thickos.

Parental support at home is important to education and from your causal attitude to it I don't hold out much hope.

[MauraIsles]

Has the OP given a reason yet, as to why she can’t attend P.E?

[greathat]

The parents you don't need to see are the ones that come. They are interested in their children's education and it shows. The ones you need to see, have phoned repeatedly, left messages for because "they don't answer the phone when they see its school, miss". They never turn up, even when sometimes they say they will

[SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius]

@MauraIsles - no, the OP has not given any reason why she can't or won't attend, despite being asked a number of times. I can't imagine any valid reason for non-attendance that can't be mentioned in general terms, even if it is something private that @GreenLantern53 doesn't want to discuss in detail.

IE. - "I can't go to Parents' Evening because I have a medical appointment/other appointment/meeting that can't be rescheduled". No-one is expecting the OP to say "I can't go, because I'm having a smear/visiting an insolvency practitioner/going to court" - either here or to the teacher - and I am sure the teacher wouldn't expect this either.

[MMCQ]

There are a lot of nasty dissenters on here. Sometimes working parents simply cannot make it. Some of us work internationally too. Attending isn’t an option, we should not be judged harshly nor at all. It also dies not mean we are not obtaining that info another way. I am always pushing the school to consider using electronic comma or allow us to be flexible and see the teacher a different day. Just because you can’t mske a specific dates dies not mean that parent dies not care. Get a grip.

[bellie710]

I have 3 children and DH works away, I have missed a few parents nights and have never been asked by the school to explain myself as to why I can’t make it, this is bizarre?!?
It doesn’t mean I don’t give a shit about their education it just means I can’t make it! The teachers themselves say don’t worry if we had any concerns we would let you know, surely this is the same for all schools??