not attending parents evening?

[GreenLantern53]

I told my child teacher I wouldnt be able to attend parents evening and she didnt look impressed. aibu not attending?

[ShrinkWrap]

YABU by being obtuse about your reasoning, reducing your chances of any meaningful advice. Anyway, glad you will try to rearrange

[xyzandabc]

If you came across, to the teacher, as you are on here, and just said 'I can't come to parents evening' and then just walked away, then yes YABU.

If you said 'I can't come to parents evening, would it be possible to catch you after school on a different day instead?', then had a conversation with the teacher, then no, YANBU.

[shouldwestayorshouldwego]

YANU not wanting to say in front of all the parents but you should give some explanation in email or in private. Lack of interest in progress is a flag.

[Feefeetrixabelle]

So why not just say I’m afraid I’m booked that evening is there another time we can meet? That gives her the information she needs - can’t make it does give a crap about child’s education. Also doesn’t give out personal details. Rather than a straight no which gives her no information. And if it’s been delivered in a surly manner like your responses on this thread probably got her back up a bit.

[MakeAHouseAHome]

YABU. Unless things have changed you get alot of notice for Parents Evenings. Surely you re-arrange anything end everything to be at your childs parents evening? As others have said you certainly aren't the only working parent... If I was the teacher I would be a bit confused too, I would think parents would care about their children enough to make it a priority.

[Whatififall]

I often can’t make parents evening due to work commitments and an often inflexible employer. School always offer me a different slot. It’s never a big deal. There was even a time when I couldn’t make any of the afternoon appointment slots at all so the teacher arranged for me to go in on a morning during register time to see her.

I’m always polite and courteous and explain the reasons, maybe you were a bit abrupt at pick up hence the face from teacher?

[ItWentInMyEye]

As you said OP, ask if you can see her another day and go from there. Our school allow different days and times for the odd parent like yourself who can't manage the main evening

[Sirzy]

You didn’t need to go into reasons, just a “I can’t make that date can we arrange a catch up at another point” would do.

A simple “I can’t” doesn’t really show your engage in your child’s education does it

[crosstalk]

@Almostfifty That would work for a SAHM but not for a working parent if that's the problem.

OP if you can't attend because of work/health/other children and can't organise a school visit during the teachers' working hours, then you just have to phone the school and sort out a time you can phone and discuss with the teacher concerned - but it will cut into their free time which is desperately needed. If you have absolutely no concerns about the school or your child/ren then you can say you'll wait for the end of term report.

[HeadsDownThumbsUpEveryone]

she asked me infront of 30 parents like I said dont want to go into the reasons infront of 30 parents.

Would it have been that difficult to explain you were unfortunately working that day and would it be possible to make an appointment at another time?

Or was it much more melodramatic to just reply with "can't do that" and not offer a compromise. Therefore enabling the teacher to look at you oddly and giving you something to make a thread about .

[OhDearGodLookAtThisMess]

My school doesn't routinely offer alternative days. If you don't make an appointment for the designated evenings, then the crib sheet is sent home to you. We had inched towards a situation whereby lots of parents decided to turn up for consultations on random days after school, thinking that would save them a wait and that they'd get much longer than the 10 minutes.

[SheCameFromGreeceSheHadaThirst]

I will see if they can arrange another day

When you do that, aim to be slightly more forthcoming with information than you generally seem inclined to be, as it aids the process of making arrangements considerably.

[speakout]

Our school would always make arrangements for parents at other times- straight after school one day for instance.

[Ginger1982]

You're obviously not working or you would just say so, so it depends on what your reason is, which obviously you're not telling us...

[Bingolingo]

If it was me who could t attend I would have already grabbed the teacher or emailed to try and sort another time. It’s a bit off that she’s having to chase you to tell you about your child’s progress ffs. I can’t always attend the set evening but I always arrange a different time.

[Thisreallyisafarce]

The fact that you didn't give a reason is probably why she was unimpressed.

[BookMeOnTheSudExpress]

Was she asking all 30 if they were coming or just you?
Because if it was just you then I'm guessing there's a reason she feels she needs to.

[MaisyPops]

HeadsDownThumbsUpEveryone
Agreed.
I've had parents who've sent an email or left a message (secondary) to say "unfortunately I'm unavailable for Tuesday night due to fixed commitments. Would to be possible for you to give me a call in the next couple of weeks for a summary or I can come in if that's convenient".
Polite, friendly, reasonable and that's life.

If someone said 'I can't do it because I just can't' and was a bit arsey then I'd probably ask for a round robin to go to subject teachers and then I'd send it out as a letter. Why should I stay voluntarily for a few hours after school to fit in people who have no manners?

[Sethis]

Parental involvement and interest is the single biggest indicator of educational outcomes.

It's bigger than gender.
It's bigger than money.
It's bigger than country.
It's bigger than school.

If you're penniless but your parent is engaged, interested, supports and cares about your learning in all subjects, you will do better at school than if you were the child of a millionaire whose parents ignored them.

That's why, as a teacher, whenever a parent tells me they can't or won't do parents evenings, a little part of me dies inside.

How much sympathy do you expect if you can't provide a reason? To an uninformed external observer there is no difference whatsoever between "I don't care" and "I have crippling medical conditions that prevent my attendance to this event". Having dealt with parents every day for years, I highly doubt this teacher has much benefit-of-the-doubt left in their system.

[Thisreallyisafarce]

I don't arrange standalone parents' evening appointments except in truly extenuating circumstances. "I just can't" would cut absolutely no ice with me.

[GreenLantern53]

No it was at pick up and parents were queuing next to a sheet for the times they can attend, as teacher was sending the children out she would tell them about the sheet.

[Glumglowworm]

YABU

If you went in with the attitude you have here then no wonder she was unimpressed!

Of course the reason why not matters! As does the amount of effort you would need to be able to attend

[IrishMumInLondon]

I don't agree with the OP that the reason is irrelevant - I think that's the most important bit!...... Its really impossible to say I you are being unreasonable unless we know the reason why. For all we know the reason could be that you have an appointment at the hairdresser - in which case you are being very unreasonable. If, on the other hand, you have a really imp medical appointment - you are not being unreasonable.

[formerbabe]

It's really weird to just say you can't attend.

Social etiquette alone would see you give some sort of reason. It doesn't need to be incredibly in depth...sorry, I have to work/have a prior appointment/family commitments I can't get out of etc.

Then social etiquette dictates that you ask nicely if you could have a catch up at another time.

Of course if you just say that you can't you're bound to get a funny look.

[Glittertwins]

It's awkward for us too as we both work, have volunteer commitments in the evening. DH used to work abroad so parents' evenings were rescheduled - a polite explanation is all that is needed, not a blunt "I can't"