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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

not attending parents evening?

397 replies

GreenLantern53 · 09/10/2018 17:56

I told my child teacher I wouldnt be able to attend parents evening and she didnt look impressed. aibu not attending?

OP posts:
HeadsDownThumbsUpEveryone · 09/10/2018 18:33

No it was at pick up and parents were queuing next to a sheet for the times they can attend

So did you even look at the sheet before deciding it would be impossible for you to attend?

Thisreallyisafarce · 09/10/2018 18:34

Go on, OP, tell us why you can't. Work/medical? I can't think of a reason other than those that I wouldn't raise an eyebrow about.

SausageSimon · 09/10/2018 18:35

If it's work you can't get out of YANBU, but I would've said there and then that you'd like to arrange for another day wherever possible

thisneverendingsummer · 09/10/2018 18:35

I agree with @zzzzz Parents Evening are a waste of time IMO. Dragged to the school, having to talk to people I don't want to give the time of day to, and a whole evening WASTED, for a 5 minute appointment where you're told the kids are doing OK.

If there were any problems or issues, (week to week,) surely they would say when the issues occur... Surely they wouldn't wait til bloody Parents Evening to bring stuff up?

Notmethistimehonest · 09/10/2018 18:37

Sounds like you are not fully comfortable with the reason you can't attend, in that you don't want to share it with the teacher or mn. Seems odd to post about it in that case.

In answer to your OP how one earth can we know if YABU or not if you don't tell us why you can't attend??? Sounds to me like you think others may not think it's a valid reason?

If it was work, why not just say sorry I can't get out of work that day but is there any chance of a catch up another time?

Thisreallyisafarce · 09/10/2018 18:38

thisneverendingsummer

The whole point is that teachers do not have time for constant communication home about every learning issue. Parents' Evening is so the learning can be summarised.

And you sound charming, by the way.

HeadsDownThumbsUpEveryone · 09/10/2018 18:38

having to talk to people I don't want to give the time of day to

What a hideous attitude towards the people who teach your children!

QueSera · 09/10/2018 18:40

aibu not attending?

How on earth are we supposed to know, if you won't tell us your reason for not attending? Unless it's a very good reason, then yes YABU, parents' involvement and interest in their children's education are important, so should only be bumped by something more important or unavoidable.

formerbabe · 09/10/2018 18:40

Dragged to the school, having to talk to people I don't want to give the time of day to

Shock. What?! You don't want to give the time of day to your dcs teachers?! Who spend 6 hours a day educating them! How unpleasant you sound.

SassitudeandSparkle · 09/10/2018 18:40

IME, teachers do tend to see it as a red flag if you don't come in to see them for parents evening. Especially the way you've said it, it sounds more like you are putting your personal life at the top of the queue.

My DD had a classmate with a slightly chaotic parent years ago, they made an appointment for parent's evening and then forgot to turn up. That did not go down well at all!

Beamur · 09/10/2018 18:40

My DH generally won't go. (I do).
He reckons they always say the same things (they do).

LolaPickle · 09/10/2018 18:41

hmm I think its poor show to not make an effort to show up

Shifts can be swapped or at least one parent should turn up

Unless of course it is life or death

My mother never attended a single one. It was cos it coincided with missing coronation street....as you can probably tell I have little respect for her. Mind you there was more to it than missing one parents evening, she was just shit in general

Rayn · 09/10/2018 18:41

Children going to school is a privilege and parents should work together with teachers. I think maybe I can't attend that evening but would like to book a one on one catch up session x

TedAndLola · 09/10/2018 18:41

Teachers view parents who miss parents evening dimly. My cousins are primary teachers and they don’t think too highly of parents who miss it. School plays and assemblies are different, of course working parents can’t always make these things but parents evening is important.

Your cousins moan about parents not attending parents' evening to their relatives? Maybe you can try to get them involved in some hobbies...

zzzzz · 09/10/2018 18:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

chocatoo · 09/10/2018 18:41

The norm would be to apologise that sadly you are unable to (rather than can't) and would it be possible to schedule a few minutes with the teacher on another afternoon straight after school.

kaytee87 · 09/10/2018 18:42

@TedAndLola most people talk about their jobs to their relatives do they not?

Nicknacky · 09/10/2018 18:43

sass I forgot to attend one of the parents appointment. One it's own it's not going to be a red flag or signs of a chaotic parent. If it's part of a bigger picture, then yes.

The teacher accepted my apology and explanation and we made a time that suited us both.

Thisreallyisafarce · 09/10/2018 18:43

zzzzz

"All fine" is not something I would ever say to a parent. I always talk about how the child can improve. I always talk about what they can do to help at home. Your attitude is inexcusable, I'm sorry to say.

ADastardlyThing · 09/10/2018 18:43

Erm, why should op have had to go into the reasons why she couldn't go in front of loads of people Hmm. If rearranging was possible the teacher should have said at the time. If ops getting stick for not asking the teacher should get equal amount for not telling.

Unless op has form for being a bit of a knobber regards school of course but I'm assuming that's not the case.

Quickerthanavicar · 09/10/2018 18:44

If your leg is going to be stuck in a mantrap or
if you work on a Wednesday and can't go then fair enough.
You are not being unreasonable,
If you are planning to catch up on Killing Eve or the Bodyguard that night then you are being unreasonable.
If you are catching up on Killing Eve and then want an appointment on a different day then you are being hugely unreasonable.
If you care not a jot for your child, let social services know.
You give us little information to allow us to make an informed decision. Perhaps the teacher is equally confused.

SuburbanRhonda · 09/10/2018 18:44

It was at pick up she pointed to he forms and I told her I couldnt attend, there was atleast 30 other parents there so I was not really going to announce infront of them. She didnt ask for the reason anyway just kind of gave a funny look.

Is she one of those non-speaking teachers?

Original poster
GreenLantern53 · 09/10/2018 18:45

Because I genuinely didnt think it was a big deal? surely I cant be the only one.

OP posts:
LonginesPrime · 09/10/2018 18:45

Why couldn't you just have said 'I can't attend on that day - can we discuss in private though?'

And arrange another time to have the appointment?

Thisreallyisafarce · 09/10/2018 18:45

ADastardlyThing

Because it's manners, when someone is trying to do something for your child's benefit, to explain why you can't be there. And because the OP asked whether she is BU, but how can anybody say if she refuses to say what needed to be treated with such confidentiality that she couldn't explain herself to the teacher?

"I'm having emergency pile surgery" - fair enough, don't say anything.

Anything else, it's just manners.