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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

not attending parents evening?

397 replies

GreenLantern53 · 09/10/2018 17:56

I told my child teacher I wouldnt be able to attend parents evening and she didnt look impressed. aibu not attending?

OP posts:
AgentProvocateur · 09/10/2018 18:59

Most working parents take time off or rearrange their schedules so that one of them can go to parents’ night. If the teacher specifically asked you, there’s a reason she wants you to go. You should pull out all the stops to get there.

Samantha2018 · 09/10/2018 19:00

I'd end the sentence with why, my dds school offered another day when I couldn't get away from
Work

YeTalkShiteHen · 09/10/2018 19:01

It seems then OP that there may be crossed wires if it’s how you said it.

Maybe ask if there’s another time that suits you both?

NotUmbongoUnchained · 09/10/2018 19:01

OMG is it a full moon? Are you a werewolf? 😱😱

Bluetrews25 · 09/10/2018 19:01

Parents'evenings are boring beyond primary. They go on too long, and it's usually 'all going well' or 'could do better'
Was so relieved when I realised I was attending the last one ever a few years ago.

OP doubtless has a hideously embarrassing reason for not going, hence not telling us and being so defensive. But she could have handled it better.

Knackeredmommy · 09/10/2018 19:02

Parents evenings give you time to discuss your child's progress. Teachers prepare for them and we do take notice of who doesn't attend. The majority of parents make the effort to and if they can't attend the evenings, teachers will accommodate to meet another time, because they are that important! We don't stay late at school for fun!

Lovemusic33 · 09/10/2018 19:02

I don’t attend my dd2’s parents evenings because they always land on a evening that I work and her school is quite far away, she attends a SN school and we have a review once a year which I feel is plenty, if there was any isssues that needed discussing I’m sure school would call me for a meeting. I’m a single parent and I do give her dad the option of going but he refuses to go (doesn’t even know where her school is).

Original poster
GreenLantern53 · 09/10/2018 19:02

I probably was abrupt without meaning to be, maybe that was it.

OP posts:
mostdays · 09/10/2018 19:03

There have been a few times I couldn't get to a parent's evening, so I asked my dc's teacher could we please arrange an appointment at a different time to catch up. They've always said yes. Parent's evening itself isn't actually a big deal, but having a working relationship with your teacher, taking an interest in your child's learning, ensuring you know what progress they are making and what any areas of concern are, and listening to and sharing information with the teacher are a big deal. You can do it outside of the set time- just ask nicely rather than demanding rudely, and be prepared to be flexible.

FabulouslyGlamorousFerret · 09/10/2018 19:03

Sadly it's often the parents that we really need to speak to that can't be a arsed coming to parents evening.

wrenika · 09/10/2018 19:03

My parents didn't go to my parents evenings when I was young...they were both teachers so knew it was all a bit of a farce.

CherryPavlova · 09/10/2018 19:04

Parents evening shows your children you prioritise education. It reinforces the view that their education is about top of the agenda. It’s a big deal not to either go or rearrange the appointment.

Rhiannon13 · 09/10/2018 19:04

I thought it would be quite common.

That seems fairly unlikely! Most people take their children's education seriously and respect the people who teach them, don't they? Your response sounded rather childish OP.

bumblingbovine49 · 09/10/2018 19:04

Well this year, they have put parents evening for DS's year in the week that I have booked to be abroad. I booked this in the Spring so didn't know when the parents evening would be at that point.

No problem I thought, DH can go. Except he teaches at a university and a last minute change to his teaching timetable in late September means he is going to be running a seminar that evening until 6.00pm.

So he is trying to get appointments after 6.15pm only (luckily he works very close to DS's school). Good luck with that I say, especially since the school still used pieces of paper that the children collect appointments on. At least with an online booking system DH would stand a chance of getting a couple of slots in the evening but I think we may be missing parents evening this year for the first time ever this year!

YeTalkShiteHen · 09/10/2018 19:04

I probably was abrupt without meaning to be, maybe that was it.

Easily done, also easily fixed.

Apologise for being abrupt and ask if there’s another time. Sorted Smile

Gazelda · 09/10/2018 19:07

Only you know if YAbU or not. But I don't imagine your child's teacher was impressed. The way you write/speak gives the impression that you don't think it's important, and that you're sure other parents Don't think it's important either.
I think it would be polite to contact her to say that you're sorry you can't make parents evening, but would she have 10 mins another time for a catch up.

Having said that, my DD's school publicise parents evening dates right at the beginning of term to give families time to arrange diaries if possible. Then time slots are bookable online a couple of weeks ahead. I'm sure it's still impossible for some, but I really appreciate the amount of notice they give.

BTW - my parents often missed parents evening. I knew it was because they didn't think I/my education was important.

formerbabe · 09/10/2018 19:08

I probably was abrupt without meaning to be, maybe that was it

I would imagine so.

I'm sure it's very common that some parents can't make the actual day... however, they probably politely explain and ask for an alternate date.

zzzzz · 09/10/2018 19:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Crystalblue13 · 09/10/2018 19:09

I think parents should attend unless they have a very good reason not to

YeTalkShiteHen · 09/10/2018 19:10

zzzzz my kids are managing well, are supported at home and all that jazz. I still ask if there’s anything we could do at home to help them thrive in school Confused
Why wouldn’t you?

Quartz2208 · 09/10/2018 19:11

Based on your posting style here I would say there is a high chance that you were abrupt without meaning to be

Yes it is important to get your teachers viewpoint and they should be happy to find another appointment time that suits you

RomanyRoots · 09/10/2018 19:12

Apologise to the teacher for being abrupt, support your child's learning, and make another appointment.

I don't think I missed one parents evenings with 3 dc over a stretch of 25 years, you just don't.
It isn't a sahp or wohp problem, not being able to attend, there are plenty of both juggling and rearranging so they can attend.

Thisreallyisafarce · 09/10/2018 19:12

zzzzz

No, it isn't how I teach. It's not my job to teach you. Clearly that job was a write off a long time ago!

Mymycherrypie · 09/10/2018 19:13

The tangible benefit for us is that our DC show us their workbooks. They see us lapping up the effort they’ve made, the stories they’ve written, the difficult sums they figured out, the pictures they drew etc. They sit with us and get praised from their teacher and see us looking at them proudly.

Guess that’s worth it for me. Maybe you don’t think that’s worth it?

formerbabe · 09/10/2018 19:14

Anyone else dying to know why the op can't attend?!