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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Were we rude & unreasonable?

171 replies

Ownerofalittlechimp · 08/10/2018 20:41

Eh birthday on Friday & originally planned to have mil & cm for tea & cake (just takeaway as v young dc's). Dh got stuck in work so rearranged for Sunday lunch. All good, nice roast, birthday cake etc. After I've cleared up ds1 comes through says granny a & granny b want wine mummy. We don't have any so I say so & offer more coffee, soft drinks etc (had offered before & during meal too). Big sighs from both then muttering together that they wanted wine, thought we'd have had it & they'll make do with coffee if that's the only thing available. Mil continues to mutter that she was looking forward to a few glasses as she's got a busy week & so suddenly has to leave to finish some jobs. Both gone within 5 minutes then later found to be slating us (me) on family whatsapp for being mean & rude. Guessing they thought they were messaging each other.

For context we very rarely have wine or any drinks in & dh just wanted a nicelunch with family. Not anti alcohol or anything & if we had anything it would be offered. Dh has responded to msgs saying they've been rude but apparently we're awful hosts & should always have a decent drinks selection to offer, what if they'd wanted g&t's etc

What do you all think?

OP posts:
Original poster
Ownerofalittlechimp · 08/10/2018 20:42

Sorry for typos, on my kindle which is a bit rubbish for typing & auto correct

OP posts:
SingingSands · 08/10/2018 20:43

I think they're being rude and ungrateful.

I was brought up to be a polite house guest.

SemperIdem · 08/10/2018 20:44

I assume your husband is also in the family WhatsApp?

Leave him to deal with it and maintain a dignified silence yourself.

Rant away on here instead about the pair of rude bastards!

overagain · 08/10/2018 20:44

No. They were rude to keep going on about it. Surely they know you don't drink much alcohol?

Timeforabiscuit · 08/10/2018 20:45

Extremely rude! Unless you drink like fish when they host?

Raven88 · 08/10/2018 20:46

If you come to my house the options are water, tea or coffee and Pepsi's max. I think your visitors are being unreasonable. If they wanted wine they should of brought it. They sound quite old fashioned. Next time you go to theirs ask for a GnT

Celebelly · 08/10/2018 20:47

If they wanted wine that much they could have brought it themselves. Are you meant to have a full drinks cabinet stocked and ready to go to suit their requests? Also it was Sunday lunch!

Cheeky feckers.

Sparklybanana · 08/10/2018 20:47

Traditionally, guests are supposed to bring the wine....

Don’t have them again if they just moan about a free lunch!

DrWhy · 08/10/2018 20:48

My mum and PIL now actually pop out to the Co-op and buy their own wine if I’ve forgotten as we rarely have any in, it’s become a bit of a standing joke! If any party involved thinks the other is rude they are certainly too polite to say so! Not sure what I’d do in your situation - maintaining dignified silence is probably best!

EwItsAHooman · 08/10/2018 20:48

I wouldn't expect alcohol at a Sunday lunch and I certainly wouldn't sit there sucking my teeth and muttering if none was offered.

Surely the polite thing, see as you were providing dinner, would have been for them to bring a bottle?

And I've never bought a bottle of gin in on the off chance that a guest might want a gin.

Namechangeforthiscancershit · 08/10/2018 20:49

Obviously they should not have been slating you and they must be super embarrassed to have been busted. If not, they have no shame.

I would be surprised and a bit disappointed to go for a birthday lunch and not have wine, especially if it’s a roast as roast lunch and wine are basically made for each other. But if they know you don’t drink much they could presumably have brought some (if you would have been ok with that?)

Havaina · 08/10/2018 20:52

Wow I've never heard of a DM and MIL ganging up to slate their DD/DIL! Grin

But seriously, they sound greedy and rude.

Are you in the family WA group?

Message back: 'It's extremely rude to turn up your nose at your hosts' hospitality. If you can't do without alcohol for one day, I suggest you take a long, hard look at your drinking habits. Thanks for leaving a sour taste after what should have been a lovely day.'

glenthebattleostrich · 08/10/2018 20:52

If I want wine with a meal I buy wine and take it with me (along with a nice thank you gift for hosts).

They were rude.

MaisyPops · 08/10/2018 20:53

They shouldn't have been rude, but I would have a bottle of wine available to go with a roast if I was having people over for a meal.
It doesn't excuse their rudeness though.

shakeyourcaboose · 08/10/2018 20:53

Is CM your DM? Slating you with your MIL?? Agree dignified silence.

Harleypuppy · 08/10/2018 20:53

As a guest I would always bring wine and flowers. So if they'd been a good guest they could have brought their own. Very rude to ask for wine as well. What's your reply on Facebook going to be?

Shoobydooby09 · 08/10/2018 20:53

When we have hosted or attended a birthday meal we normally have a couple of bottles of wine/beers in and in our families we tend to bring a bottle but that's just what we do. What have you done in situations like this in the past? I certainly don't think YABU to not have had any alcohol In, perhaps if it had been on Friday night as per your original plan maybe you would Have? May be with it being Sunday and work today you didn't think it as necessary? Perhaps if granny a and granny b wanted wine that bad they should have brought some or nipped to get some !!

stickygotstuck · 08/10/2018 20:54

No, you weren't.

Your guests on the other hand were very rude. And a bit overinvested in alcohol. Surely they can go a few hours without drinking and have a glass when they got home. Or even better, bring a bottle for you, the hosts.

Harleypuppy · 08/10/2018 20:54

Sorry WhatsApp not Facebook.

AuntBeastie · 08/10/2018 20:55

That’s really rude. While I would probably have expected you to have wine in for a Sunday lunch I would NEVER have made a fuss or muttered or texted - to do so is so rude.

sproutsplease · 08/10/2018 20:56

I would consider wine a fairly standard drink to serve at a birthday roast lunch, I would consider a bottle of wine a standard host gift to bring to a birthday lunch.
Bitching behind your back about your meal is just mean and immature.

Original poster
Ownerofalittlechimp · 08/10/2018 20:56

No definitely not drinking like a fish at either house, both have fair amounts at home but mil never offers & would pull a face of you asked (we wouldn't, not polite). Dm will say help yourself to whatever but we hardly ever eat there & always have dc's & are driving.

Just seen another msg from mil saying there should have been "fizz" as it was a birthday & she'd offered dh some when he dropped something at hers on sat.

I'm staying well away!

OP posts:
Babyshark2018 · 08/10/2018 20:57

Yeah they’re idiots.

I can’t understand people who can’t have a lunch/dinner without alcohol involved, or people who drink every day. Sounds like they have a problem!

Aprilislonggone · 08/10/2018 20:57

Well that's them fluffed up anymore invites.
Let dh have them over and you go out and find some nicer folks to spend time with.
Cfers.

UserName31456789 · 08/10/2018 21:01

They sound horrible. Did they not bring a bottle of wine with them if it was so important? They sound like very rude guests especially as it was DH's birthday.

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