Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Were we rude & unreasonable?

171 replies

Ownerofalittlechimp · 08/10/2018 20:41

Eh birthday on Friday & originally planned to have mil & cm for tea & cake (just takeaway as v young dc's). Dh got stuck in work so rearranged for Sunday lunch. All good, nice roast, birthday cake etc. After I've cleared up ds1 comes through says granny a & granny b want wine mummy. We don't have any so I say so & offer more coffee, soft drinks etc (had offered before & during meal too). Big sighs from both then muttering together that they wanted wine, thought we'd have had it & they'll make do with coffee if that's the only thing available. Mil continues to mutter that she was looking forward to a few glasses as she's got a busy week & so suddenly has to leave to finish some jobs. Both gone within 5 minutes then later found to be slating us (me) on family whatsapp for being mean & rude. Guessing they thought they were messaging each other.

For context we very rarely have wine or any drinks in & dh just wanted a nicelunch with family. Not anti alcohol or anything & if we had anything it would be offered. Dh has responded to msgs saying they've been rude but apparently we're awful hosts & should always have a decent drinks selection to offer, what if they'd wanted g&t's etc

What do you all think?

OP posts:
violetbunny · 09/10/2018 07:28

Spectacularly rude. Yes it wouldn't be out of the ordinary to have wine at a birthday lunch, but there's no way I would expect something like this, nor would I complain if there wasn't any. If it was so important then she should have brought some with her.

AmIRightOrAMeringue · 09/10/2018 07:40

I think it's rude to turn up somewhere s a guest without a contribution like chocolates or alcohol. And if I want something specific like fizz or a cocktail then I take it myself and ask if it's OK to open it when I'm asked for a drink. It's extremely rude to criticise your hosting unless you didn't offer them a soft drink at all and even then with family I'd kind of expect them to get it themselves if you've got that kind of relationship. Mil sounds petty, rude, sulky and hard work!!

Binception · 09/10/2018 07:56

I always get alcohol in for things like this BUT , I don't have young children and I wouldn't ever expect it in someone else's house unless they always provided it. Even then, I'd never be so demanding-that IS rude! If they wanted an alcoholic drink so badly, they should have nipped to a shop if possible, or brought their own.

ferrier · 09/10/2018 08:30

I'd never have gin or any particular spirit in the house just on the off chance someone may want some. There's usually a bottle of something or other kicking around but it's completely random what it is ... just depends on what I've been cooking with!

On the wine front, yes I'd think Sunday lunch without wine was a bit unusual but a) I'd have brought a bottle in that situation anyway and b) I'd never be so rude as to even mention it.

KERALA1 · 09/10/2018 08:39

We (and thinking about it pretty much everyone else we know) don't really drink at all in the week unless special occasion but like to have decent wine at the weekends with "special meals" like Sat night dinner, Sunday lunch especially if with other people. Don't think that makes us raging alcos!

They were rude but I would have a few bottles of wine in for people. It doesn't go off.

diddl · 09/10/2018 08:44

I don't think that you're bad hosts, Op.

Some people would have wine in, some wouldn't.

Shouldn't be a big deal to guests if you don't imo.

Theweasleytwins · 09/10/2018 08:45

Rude

Could have brought their own. My mil buys her own as i dont drink and dh only drinks larger shandy

primoestate · 09/10/2018 09:06

Of course there should have been wine etc for a celebratory lunch.

Stonebake · 09/10/2018 09:10

I’m the same as you kerala, but I wouldn’t expect someone who doesn’t drink to have wine in the house just for visitors. I mean, yes that’s a very nice and polite thing to do, but I wouldn’t expect it.

Dobbythesockelf · 09/10/2018 09:11

Me and dh very rarely drink alcohol and if we do it a not wine so finding a bottle of wine in our house would be very hard. My parents don't drink either but other people know that alcohol is just not something we have in the house. Different people expect different things I suppose.
However even if they think you should have offered wine they have been incredibly rude in how they have gone about the whole thing.

WineAndTiramisu · 09/10/2018 09:16

I drink a glass of wine most evenings, but wouldn't think to open a bottle at Sunday lunch!
If they were that desperate for alcohol they should've brought it with them

newhousenewstart · 09/10/2018 09:19

They were rude. However I wouldn't host any special meal without providing a glass or two of wine. My own parents don't drink alcohol but would always provide it too. I don't think it's imperative to drink alcohol but, within our culture, it's generally accepted that special occasions are marked with it. Everyone sounds as if they're maybe not used to hosting or being hosted. Your guests should not have arrived empty handed either

TrickyKid · 09/10/2018 09:22

They were very rude. They should've brought wine with them if it was essential that they drink alcohol.

CoughLaughFart · 09/10/2018 10:04

I’m very much enjoying the pearl clutchers and their ‘Good gracious - wine with Sunday lunch?!’ hyperbole. It’s not as if they were pouring vodka on their cornflakes of a morning!

Honestly, I would think it was a bit crap not to be offered a glass of wine at a celebratory lunch. Just soft drinks seems a bit cheap and not particularly festive. I don’t buy the ‘But we don’t drink it’ line - it isn’t for you. If neither of you had a sweet tooth would you not bother serving dessert for guests?

That said, I’d never go to someone’s home for a meal and not take a bottle or a gift - and I certainly wouldn’t sit there and moan about the lack of wine. I might have said something to the other guest afterwards if I’m honest, but if I’d accidentally done it in a forum they could see I’d die of mortification - not make it worse by complaining further!

Wherearemycarkeys · 09/10/2018 10:09

I think it's totally ridiculous to suggest that you should waste money buying a selection of different alcoholic beverages and mixers every time you invite your mothers round! How rude and demanding of them! Is spending time with you and the children not fun or interesting enough for them? If they're so desperate for wine and g&ts that it is more important to them then spending time with your family they should bring their own bloody alcohol... Or maybe go out to a pub instead of to a family dinner with young children? I'm really shocked by their attitude and think they sound awful, rude, demanding and inappropriate too.

Wherearemycarkeys · 09/10/2018 10:12

Also I'm really surprised by all the people saying that Sunday lunch is a common time to drink alcohol. It's certainly not with my family/extended family and as far as I'm aware friends. Seen more as a family event and as it's often midday we wouldn't really think to crack open the alcohol for it? Not critisising people who do, just saying it's not as common as some people are making out.

CoughLaughFart · 09/10/2018 10:35

I don’t think you can say something is ‘not common’ based purely on your own family.

UnleashTheBulsara · 09/10/2018 11:01

I don't drink much and don't like wine at all so it wouldn't have been on my radar. We do have wine in though, but my guests would have had to suggest it as I just wouldn't think of it. Happy to provide it if it's there, same as op would have, I expect. I'd be embarrassed if my guests had had to suggest it, but so many of my family don't really drink either and usually someone has to drive so can't anyway.

Making a big deal over something like this is terrible manners. Doubly so complaining about it where you would see it! They'd have been much better off grumbling about it to a neutral party then deciding to either bring something themselves next time or just asking in advance (if they must.) This way, when will there be a next time?!

OP YATinyBitU for not having a dusty bottle of supermarket red/white in the cupboard

BadLad · 09/10/2018 11:08

I’m very much enjoying the pearl clutchers and their ‘Good gracious - wine with Sunday lunch?!’ hyperbole. It’s not as if they were pouring vodka on their cornflakes of a morning!

Me tooGrin. This is my favourite.

If you come to my house the options are water, tea or coffee and Pepsi's max. I think your visitors are being unreasonable. If they wanted wine they should of brought it. They sound quite old fashioned. Next time you go to theirs ask for a GnT

diddl · 09/10/2018 11:12

"should always have a decent drinks selection to offer, what if they'd wanted g&t's etc"

Yeah-that's just ridiculous imo.

Wine is something I would have thought about & then probably forgotten to pick up!

themuttsnutts · 09/10/2018 11:15

Coke with a roast?Confused

KERALA1 · 09/10/2018 12:07

I would definitely clutch pearls at coke with a roast Grin. A nice merlot would do nicely though.

Don't think people would expect hosts to provide a full cocktail menu but for many wine with a Sunday lunch is expected. But super rude to comment to host if not provided.

KERALA1 · 09/10/2018 12:09

Surely everyone knows you criticise the hosts in the car on the way home not on a family whatsapp chat Grin

CoughLaughFart · 09/10/2018 12:15

Surely everyone knows you criticise the hosts in the car on the way home not on a family whatsapp chat Grin

Absolutely! Best part of the day Grin

bsbabas · 09/10/2018 12:23

Soo tacky and spoilt. If they wanted wine that bad they should have brought some or mentioned it before.

Swipe left for the next trending thread