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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Were we rude & unreasonable?

171 replies

Ownerofalittlechimp · 08/10/2018 20:41

Eh birthday on Friday & originally planned to have mil & cm for tea & cake (just takeaway as v young dc's). Dh got stuck in work so rearranged for Sunday lunch. All good, nice roast, birthday cake etc. After I've cleared up ds1 comes through says granny a & granny b want wine mummy. We don't have any so I say so & offer more coffee, soft drinks etc (had offered before & during meal too). Big sighs from both then muttering together that they wanted wine, thought we'd have had it & they'll make do with coffee if that's the only thing available. Mil continues to mutter that she was looking forward to a few glasses as she's got a busy week & so suddenly has to leave to finish some jobs. Both gone within 5 minutes then later found to be slating us (me) on family whatsapp for being mean & rude. Guessing they thought they were messaging each other.

For context we very rarely have wine or any drinks in & dh just wanted a nicelunch with family. Not anti alcohol or anything & if we had anything it would be offered. Dh has responded to msgs saying they've been rude but apparently we're awful hosts & should always have a decent drinks selection to offer, what if they'd wanted g&t's etc

What do you all think?

OP posts:
KERALA1 · 08/10/2018 21:31

Same Blue. They were rude but can't believe no wine in the house whatsoever especially if hosting a Sunday lunch. I would find it abit odd tbh unless you very religious or a recovering alcoholic.

Donthugmeimscared · 08/10/2018 21:33

I must be a bad host as it wouldn't cross my mind to have wine in. I grew up in a family of non drinkers so it isn't natural for me to have drinks with lunch etc. I occasionally have one if I'm out.

Back the the op they are very rude.

Atthebottomofthegarden · 08/10/2018 21:34

I would expect to open a bottle of wine if we have guests for Sunday lunch. But when we are invited to someone’s house for dinner or a Sunday lunch we take a bottle!

chocolateworshipper · 08/10/2018 21:37

Bloody hell, CFs of the highest order. Whenever you go to theirs for a meal from now on, you should request increasingly random items of food and drink (obviously agreed with DH in advance) and tut VERY loudly when they say they haven't got what you're asking for.

A few ideas to get you started:

  • smoked salmon vodka
  • apple Fanta
  • mangosteen
  • Almas caviar
GreatWesternValkyrie · 08/10/2018 21:40

mil saying there should have been "fizz"

She’s calling it “fizz”, thats enough reason not to offer her any!

rubyroot · 08/10/2018 21:41

Well i must be the only one- but I did find this funny. Your mother and MIL bonded over lack of wine! Grin

They should have brought their own with them, but I don't think its anything to be upset about. Sound a right pair of wallies.

Leeds2 · 08/10/2018 21:42

Tbh, I would've expected to be offered a glass of wine at the occasion you describe. But, I wouldn't have asked for it if it hadn't been offered, and I wouldn't be bitching about it afterwards.
And given they were invited for lunch, I would've expected them to bring a bottle with them. Especially if they knew they would want a drink - which they would - and that you and DH would possibly have none to offer.

GabsAlot · 08/10/2018 21:42

its her mother in in law just bring a bottle its not a fucking royal engagment

BMOT · 08/10/2018 21:44

I wouldn't dream of having friends or family over without having wine, beer or G&T to offer. Its just not the done thing in our circle.
But also I wouldnt go to someones house without taking a bottle with me.
So YABU to not serve booze and they a BU to not have brought some with them (which shot them in the foot as they could have drunk it to make up for your substandard hosting !!)

IdahoCrow · 08/10/2018 21:46

It was the MIL who offered the 'fizz' in the first place. I wonder where it ended up?

Celebelly · 08/10/2018 21:46

We aren't religious or recovering alcoholics. We just don't drink, and if we were having parents round for a Sunday lunch they would bring their own if they wanted it (and they do!). That way they get to drink what they want instead of whatever random stuff we'll have picked up.

If it was a proper party, I'd get booze in, but parents coming over for lunch is hardly that big of an occasion surely?

SandAndSea · 08/10/2018 21:47

They sound very rude to me.

Did they bring anything? If not, this is more rudeness IMO.

On the plus side, at least they get on with each other. Flowers

Celebelly · 08/10/2018 21:51

Mind you, my parents aren't the 'guests' type. They just get stuck in when they arrive, and mum would be trying to help cook the lunch and would just help herself to a drink if she wanted, rather than sitting waiting to be served Grin She'd also have brought a heap of stuff with her because she always does. It's the same when we visit them.

My gran's house, though, was always the much more formal 'wait to be offered drinks' kind of place, where there was a proper ritual and the drinks cabinet would get ceremonially opened.

Thatstheendofmytether · 08/10/2018 21:52

Yup they are cf but I can't get over the fact you have a can't whatsapp group that both sides of the family are in! Is this a thing? I think that's asking for trouble in itself 😂

cheesefield · 08/10/2018 21:52

The rocked up as guests and didn't bring a bottle as a gift? I thought that was pretty standard.

WelcomeToShootingStars · 08/10/2018 21:54

I'd always provide wine if I were hosting.

Equally it wouldn't phase me as a guest if there was no wine.

Huskylover1 · 08/10/2018 21:55

If you come to my house the options are water, tea or coffee and Pepsi's max

Party Central. Hmm Are people really this square?

Highly odd not to offer wine with a meal unless your guests are all 12 years old however, they will know for next time to bring their own.

cookiesandchocolate · 08/10/2018 21:55

I can't drink on a Sunday anymore. Too tired for the week ahead. They sound like raging alcoholics for their extreme reaction. I would have bought some with me if I fancied some

cookiesandchocolate · 08/10/2018 21:56

That being said I work full time and have 2 pre school children. Love a glass on a Saturday night though. Sunday lunch not anymore

Aintnothingbutaheartache · 08/10/2018 21:58

Erm sorry to disagree here but I would be surprised not to be offered a glass of wine at an occasion like this.
I think they could of least have brought some tho and slagging you off about it was definitely not on

Allthewaves · 08/10/2018 22:00

So rude. I don't tw d to drink alcohol at home so.would t have any alcohol in the house. Wouldn't occur for me to go and buy some for a Sunday lunch

happinessiseggshaped · 08/10/2018 22:07

I hardly drink. Family know to bring alcohol if they want it, but I am quite surprised at the number of people on the thread who think its normal to drink alcohol at lunchtime to be honest.

If the grannies were that rude about getting no alcohol can you imagine how awful they would have been after a couple of glasses of wine?!

mushlett · 08/10/2018 22:07

Sunday lunch is the one day of the week that we would definitely have wine. I would certainly have it in if we had guests but discussing it over the WhatsApp group was unkind.

MajesticWhine · 08/10/2018 22:10

We would always have wine in if the family came for Sunday lunch, and probably "fizz" for a birthday, but each to their own. They were incredibly rude and as guests, should gratefully accept whatever is on offer.

huggybear · 08/10/2018 22:11

It's not Tuesday in the staff room ... it's Sunday lunch! Never in my life have I ever been to a Sunday lunch where people weren't falling over themselves to offer wine. How is it any different to Sunday lunch in a restaurant?