Or is friend a cf

[Penelopeee]

Evening.

I regularly help out other school mums. Have become known as the mum to ask for a favour I suppose. Never really given it too much thought, firm believer that if you can help someone else out in life you should.

For the last 18 months I have looked after my friends daughter who is in my daughters class at school. They are year 3 (7 turning 8). I also have a smaller person who is at home with me all day.

So friends DH drops their DD at mine just before 7am. Usually twice, sometimes 3 times a week as they both work shifts. School starts at 8.50am. School finishes at 3.30 and DD is collected by dad by 5.30pm.

Our daughters are classmates and get along, they do however have their fair share of winding each other up and bitching to each other which all of us parents tend to ignore and stay out of.

Friends DD is turning 8 this weekend and friends have booked her and 5 friends into like an activity centre place. The girl took great delight in telling my DD where parents had booked, who was invited and clarifying that my DD wasn’t invited.

We look after this girl so much. I know the old can’t be invited to everything but my DD makes no fuss about this girl being here, shares all her toys, use of her tablets etc we feed her when she’s here. Shares her mummy’s time etc.

DD is upset. She’s upset she wasn’t invited. She upset that ‘friend’ will continue to get to come to her house so much when in her words “we aren’t good friends obviously”.

AIBU to think that my friend should of maybe done the whole we will be in Inviting XXXX as they do a lot for us???

To be honest I feel really fucking used!! So as not to drip feed, they don’t pay me and have never offered. They’ve never looked after mine. Nor have they offered.

The sad thing to me in all this, (the actual topic, not the derail) is that it is actually nice to do things for friends, and the world would be a better place if we went out of our way for other people sometimes.

I help out a friend when I can, in fact I went and got her sick ds from school today for her. Why? Well, why not? I was available, she was miles away at work, and was going to take ages to get there, and then would have to walk/bus him home, when he was white as a sheet and throwing up. I have a car.

But CF mean that you think twice, and people think twice before asking.
A bit of genuine kindness makes the world go round.

Huh, I always thought it was RT full Thread. Every day's a school day!

You should dump this cf and prioritize your own dd you dont need to give any explanation at all

I hope that all this doesn't stop you being the generous trusting person you are and certainly, don't feel guilty.

There are CFs in the world - but not so very many. If in doubt, just look at how much outrage there is on here. Your CF is clearly unusual in her behaviour and has actually shocked the nest of vipers.

You should dump this cf and prioritize your own dd you dont need to give any explanation at all

Errrr.... she did. She is doing. And she didn't.

It’s astounding to me that this woman places her child in the care of someone for whom she clearly has such low regard.

What’s she like outside of the childcare arrangements? Does she buy a round on a night out or sit there waiting for someone else to ask?

I wonder will cf's husband come around and try to smooth the water.

steppemum She provided free childcare for 18 months this post is not about altruism it’s about some inconsiderate parents taking advantage of her and then being cruel to not invite her daughter to her party,sigh. As for what you did well done

No!!!!!!! I missed the nannykatherine comment :,(

Well done OP. You tried to do something nice and it backfired but onwards and upwards.

She blanked you?!?!

Cheeky fucking cow.

She's the one entirely in the wrong, massive piss-taker, and now acting like you're not worth her time.

You are so well rid of this family from your life.

So my main question now is do people think I should sack off the childcare?? 🙈😂.....

Itchyknees - I don’t drink (although becoming tempted) so don’t do nights out. I go out with the kids, when we’ve gone somewhere together like soft play or swimming it’s strictly pay for yourself and your kids. Which is how u would expect it..... oh hang on she bought my two an ice cream this summer once. And she did get me flowers on my birthday. But equally I spent a good £40 on her birthday! I don’t tend to do the whole matching price, tends to be if I see something that person would love I will within reason get it.

Fuck me. I am a total doormat. I’m typing this actually cringing at myself. If I’m going to behave like I do it’s no wonder people take the piss?!

Need to take some self assertive classes!

But then as another poster has pointed out, there has been hundreds of people on this thread who all agree she’s awful and a CF. So it’s definately her that less normal surely??

I told my mum on the phone earlier. She was outraged and so angry for me as she knows I considered them to be close family friends.

I think there is still an angry as hell stage to hit for me yet where I hope I refrain myself from texting her.

Anyhoo..... anyone else super excited for 7am tomorrow?? I’m gonna be hiding in my bedroom, shushing the kids quiet, all curtains closed just in case husband isn’t aware and tries to drop DD off

Be careful that they do not do a drop and run. I wouldn't be surprised if they park slightly down the road and send her up.

[smile. You go girl!!!

OMG can you please keep us posted!!!

I think you and your little girl have handled yourselves with enormous dignity. While the whole episode has been upsetting for your little girl (and you!) it's been an invaluable lesson. The CF in question has zero class, zero gratitude and has shown herself to be a user so it's great that this toxicity has been removed from your life. Hope you have a lovely time at the cinema on Saturday

Enjoy Saturday but make sure they Re-calibrate The Milkshake Machine

Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha !

I'm taking bets that the DH will drop the girl off .......... after all, you didn't speak to him , did you ?

I don't leave for work until 7.50... just so you know for updating and such like. Seriously not being a cf or anything and demanding stuff.

But if DH does do the drop off, you can have a bit of fun with the situation. Faux innocently drop Karen in it, while waving them on their way, and wishing DCFD (dear CF daughter) a happy birthday party.

I have been following your story OP and I wouldn’t drop my guard just yet as I think CF will give it a while and then pounce when you’re least expecting it. Probably she’ll play the I don’t understand what’s happened, have I done something to offend you card and get all defensive.
I had a similar situation a few weeks ago where I nipped a user in the bud by text. The CF actually sought me out, smiled in my face and ‘thanked me for all my help’ and has blanked me ever since. I feel so much better for doing it.
I think my CF is so self entitled she genuinely can’t see anything wrong with what she did.
What better way to drum up some new victims than her kids party on Saturday.

Eagerly waiting to see what happens next! I'm surprised you put up with it as long as you did!

@flowergrrl77 me too! Green and pink!! Set messages to 1000 and scroll for green!

OP, you have been a saint for the past18 months and gone above and beyond for someone you considered a good friend, nothing wrong with that. It doesn't make you stupid, just a really lovely person.

What I really struggle with understanding is the sheer stupidity of the CF. She's had 18 months of child care including snacks/drinks for the price of a bunch of flowers and two ice creams which, even in CF terms, has to be an excellent deal. Yet she throws it away over a child's birthday party invite Just, how stupid is she?!! She must really be kicking herself right now. (She should be thinking of a way to make it up to you but her blanking you really says it all).

Oh, and cancel the cheque, OP

Well so many of you told me I should invoice her... I’m not going too as they are not going to pay and it will just create an even worse atmosphere. However I worked out that based on the available childcare where we live, how much breakfast is (going with £1 a day for cereal, toast, juice or bagels and yoghurt/fruit) snacks (£1 a day for piece of fruit and crisps or toast) and then dinner (£2 a day for home cooked meal, drink and yoghurt pudding). So alongside the childcare and £4 a day for meals, snacks, drinks etc I have provided approx £3800 for them.

Obviously need to remove the two ice creams of £1.50 each and a bunch of flowers maybe £6/7? So could knock a tenner off.

Don’t think dad will turn up in the morning - DD has just told me at bath time (when I get the most info out of her) that CF DD told her today at school that she “wasn’t coming to your house anymore cos mummy says your mums struggling to deal with everything”

I went to feel insulted but then I’m quite ok with that explanation. As I said to DD, she’s right, I am struggling with their utter rudeness and selfishness.

But clearly CF DD is aware so I’m guessing CF DH knows too.

Feel like getting up early and making bacon butties for breakfast (on a school day ) to celebrate it all being over. Tomorrow is the first morning where I had been ‘booked in’ and won’t be the unpaid unhired help.

I only joined Mumsnet on Monday and must admit this thread has been EPIC for lots of reasons - I'm hooked. Oh the RAGE, ladies! We await your update tomorrow with baited breath OP.
P.S I did actually give OP some advice early on and I did...RTFT! 😇🤣