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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Or is friend a cf

999 replies

Penelopeee · 08/10/2018 19:23

Evening.

I regularly help out other school mums. Have become known as the mum to ask for a favour I suppose. Never really given it too much thought, firm believer that if you can help someone else out in life you should.

For the last 18 months I have looked after my friends daughter who is in my daughters class at school. They are year 3 (7 turning 8). I also have a smaller person who is at home with me all day.

So friends DH drops their DD at mine just before 7am. Usually twice, sometimes 3 times a week as they both work shifts. School starts at 8.50am. School finishes at 3.30 and DD is collected by dad by 5.30pm.

Our daughters are classmates and get along, they do however have their fair share of winding each other up and bitching to each other which all of us parents tend to ignore and stay out of.

Friends DD is turning 8 this weekend and friends have booked her and 5 friends into like an activity centre place. The girl took great delight in telling my DD where parents had booked, who was invited and clarifying that my DD wasn’t invited.

We look after this girl so much. I know the old can’t be invited to everything but my DD makes no fuss about this girl being here, shares all her toys, use of her tablets etc we feed her when she’s here. Shares her mummy’s time etc.

DD is upset. She’s upset she wasn’t invited. She upset that ‘friend’ will continue to get to come to her house so much when in her words “we aren’t good friends obviously”.

AIBU to think that my friend should of maybe done the whole we will be in Inviting XXXX as they do a lot for us???

To be honest I feel really fucking used!! So as not to drip feed, they don’t pay me and have never offered. They’ve never looked after mine. Nor have they offered.

OP posts:
SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 10/10/2018 22:11

@Penelopeee - celebratory bacon butties sound like an excellent idea!

EmMcK · 10/10/2018 22:35

Oh my god OP!!! You have the patience of a saint even if you are 'struggling to deal with things' Wink. That comment would have made me totally psychotic with rage. She is the most staggeringly enormous CF I have ever heard of. You are a Star except that now all I can think about is bacon butties.

Powerless · 10/10/2018 23:07

@TheDowagerCuntess Well you're not acting like an adult 🤷🏼‍♀️

Powerless · 10/10/2018 23:10

@Mummyof0ne Please ignore the overgrown school bullies on here! They wouldn't dare say any of this to your face!

You made a minor oversight and have been ripped to shreds. Out of order.

Congratulations on your newborn! WineThanksCakeWine

JustTheOneMrsWembly · 10/10/2018 23:12

I have joined MN solely to be able to comment on this thread, it’s has made me so wild ! What an absolute CF!!!
I read all 38 pages prior to joining as I didn’t have the handy different colour OP highlight option Grin

OP you sound lovely , CF sounds like an absolute tool with zero self awareness.
It made me think of my friend who regularly sets me “tasks” to complete as if I am her PA - you have given me the balls to tell her to jog on next time

shouldwestayorshouldwego · 10/10/2018 23:24

Well done and enjoy your bacon butties. Almost feel like doing the same tomorrow in solidarity but then the dc would think it is most weird! I think the thing is that most of us are happy to help others out occasionally however there are few people that I would give about £4000 a year to and make our my children miserable in the process other than maybe an orthodontist .

tallpoppies · 10/10/2018 23:31

To the poster who said mumsnet should have a flip thread option (sorry can’t be bothered to scroll back to highlight name) they already do!! Click on the drop down arrow to the right of Talk/AIBU and it’s in there! Now what would be really useful is if you could reply directly to people comments making little mini threads (as you can in Facebook) so that the main thread doesn’t get derailed and people don’t miss comments that are a direct reply to theirs!

NoShitHemlock · 10/10/2018 23:40

Never mind cf DD - I am coming round to yours tomorrow morning for bacon butties Grin

Hope you enjoy your lovely morning tomorrow. As for saying anything to CF about your "inability to cope", I know that I wouldnt be able to confront her, but I would damn sure have a huge passive/aggresive grin on my face every time I saw her Wink

Cantdoitallperfectly · 10/10/2018 23:49

I'm glued to this tread.. loving it and yes I've RTFT 😀. I've a q about when a thread is full (over 1000) posts how do we find the follow on thread? I use the app on my iPhone.

MunkeeBum · 11/10/2018 01:01

Ohhh the cheekiness is just never ending! Struggling to cope with everything indeed! Cheeky bastard!

TheDowagerCuntess · 11/10/2018 01:18

OK @Powerless.

LauderSyme · 11/10/2018 02:08

@Penelopeee I don't think you are stupid and I don't think helping people is ridiculous. I think you are really kind and loyal, and have been taken advantage of and treated shabbily. Your friend owed you so much more than this horrible, hurtful slap in the face.

I was speaking very personally and I know that I would find doing what you have so generously done, intolerably burdensome.

Uncreative · 11/10/2018 02:46

Feel free to clarify to your daughter and anyone else - you are not ‘struggling to deal with everything’ just struggling to deal with her and her daughter.

smileyfacechocolatebutton · 11/10/2018 04:52

As someone who has been used in a similar way for free childcare and meals it’s a real eye-opener to see how much it would have cost, especially when you’re on a low income! Sadly there’s people around who think it’s ok to use others for their own advantage. So impressed with you telling her face to face - you’ve given your daughter a wonderful example of how you should stand up for yourself, well done! I hope you also put her straight on telling people you’re ‘struggling’ - I’d be fuming at that, she could have just told her daughter you don’t have time or something instead of implying you’re not coping!! Have a fab day Sat Flowers

GoatYoga · 11/10/2018 06:29

Never wished for a thread to get in the national press more..... Hi Daily Mail hi Mirror!

@fifithefoof please tell me you aren’t really wishing this on the OP?

TheDowagerCuntess · 11/10/2018 06:37

Agree Goat.

I encourage you all to adopt profane usernames - I'm sure it repels the tabloids.

Snog · 11/10/2018 07:13

It is surely CF who is struggling - to pay for childcare.

stepmummamumma · 11/10/2018 07:40

I have just read the thread and cannot believe the cheeky fuckery!! Well done OP for standing your ground!!

Candymay · 11/10/2018 07:49

Stop this arrangement at once! Awful CFs.
Many years ago this sort of thing happened to me. My son was at a school full of very wealthy people. I did not have the same advantages. I was that mum. The one who would look after the children on weekends or evenings and never offered a payment. This made the other wealthy parents’ lives even more delightful but made me incredibly miserable. In the end I booked myself onto an assertiveness course and practised saying NO. Best thing ever!
Absolutely do not have this child again. Use your time and your kind heart to benefit your own children. This is an example of how your deeds have been punished. Tell your daughter you’re going to take her on a fabulous day out and that you are not doing the babysitting anymore.

Member984815 · 11/10/2018 08:10

I can't wait to hear who the cf ropes in to collect her child today

Roussette · 11/10/2018 08:12

Candy Errr... I think you are winding us up!

OP has told CF
OP has planned a great day out with her DD
OP isn't having the child again

All that would be shown if you read the OP's posts....

Justkeeprollingalong · 11/10/2018 08:24

@Candymay you have got to be kidding!

peardropexplodes · 11/10/2018 08:25

I wonder how many other parents she has called in a frantic rush to get some other mug mum to give her free childcare?

Aprilislonggone · 11/10/2018 08:47

Hope you enjoyed your bacon butties op!!

AnotherOriginalUsername · 11/10/2018 09:09

10/10 for updates OP. This is literally the perfect thread, congratulations and enjoy your bacon 🥓

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