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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be angry with school

251 replies

Firsttimenamechange1 · 07/10/2018 20:19

Name changed just in case. Posting here for traffic.

A bit of background. After a few years of emotional and verbal abuse along with infidelity on his part, I split with my ex 6 years ago and we have a DD6. He used to sit outside my house everyday when we first split. (He has DD for 3 hours every Monday and Tuesday and EOW since the break up. )

I contacted the police on several occasions and logged the fact he sat outside the house along with harassment via text messages every week. I have moved address and not told him where I am (I do drop offs and pick ups to his to avoid him knowing where I live) and also taken out a new phone contract so I message him on my old phone due to the anxiety I feel when I receive a text from him.
He hasn’t paid child maintenance in 6 years and I finally plucked up the courage to contact CMS a couple months ago. He has missed the first 2 payments.

I told the school numourous times that I do not want him knowing my address and new phone number due to the past and I also made them aware the police have been involved and they have acknowledged this.

Today I received a text from him saying that he doesn’t want to go through CMS and the school has given him my new number and address so he will be contacting me on my new number. He then text me on it to prove this. I told him that is my work number and he is to not contact me on that.

I am now scared that they have also given him my address. I will be going down to the school office tomorrow morning and if they have given my details to him what can I do? I thought that with GDPR they can’t do this, along with the fact I have specifically told them I don’t want him knowing my details. Any advice would be appreciated x

OP posts:
MaisyPops · 07/10/2018 20:23

They've screwed up royally there. It is not for them to give details to anyone.

I would be speaking to school (to double check) and then be putting in a formal compaint.

Is there any other way he could have got your information?

Wheresthel1ght · 07/10/2018 20:23

It's unlikely to have been the school but I would certainly report to the head teacher and ensure that they investigated it.

It is more likely a mutual friend/family member has given him the info... Could dd be able to tell him the details do you think?

We don't use cms as dp has a private arrangement with his exw but could they have given him the info? Maybe on the claim paperwork?

iguanabanana · 07/10/2018 20:26

They absolutely can't do this and if they have I'd make major complaint under gdpr and safeguarding grounds!
So sorry, I have no advice except to have a meeting with school ASAP to see what if any info they have shared with him. I'd also be ringing the police given the background info.
I hope you get some answers! X

ZigZagIntoTheBlue · 07/10/2018 20:27

They absolutely 100% should not have done this - is there any other way he could've found out? Mutual friends or relatives of his that don't understand the need for privacy?
I would follow the schools complaints procedure for this, probably means complaining to the head first then on to the governors if it isn't investigated properly.
Also if he does turn up at yours then report him to the police again!!
For the future, not that this will help now I appreciate but you could ask for a password to be put into your records, so only a person knowing that password can be privy to the info held. I used to work in school admissions and we used this system for victims of domestic abuse where their exes would get another woman to call and ask where their child had got a school place or wanting to 'check' what address was down for them etc etc.

Sorry you've gone through all this Flowers

PurpleDaisies · 07/10/2018 20:28

I’d be quite surprised if the school had done this because the fines for GDPR breaches are huge.

I’d contact them first thing tomorrow and ask them to investigate.

Pickupthephone · 07/10/2018 20:29

You’re absolutely right that they shouldn’t do that which is why I’d be very surprised if they had. Are you sure there’s no other way he could have found out?

GreenTulips · 07/10/2018 20:31

The schools have had a shed load of training in this and I would say it's unlikely.

They should also be aware of split families and the difficulties that arise

By all means ask, but don't assume what he says is true

Original poster
Firsttimenamechange1 · 07/10/2018 20:32

Thanks for the replies.

DD wouldn’t know I have two phones as I make sure she isn’t aware of the animosity bewteen me and ex partner.

I have given my new number to friends and family and my manager only so he wouldn’t have got it from them. I have also had my new number for a number of years and haven’t fallen out with anyone so I highly doubt it would be any of them.

I will speak with the office tomorrow and go from there. If it was the school, would you speak with the head and log it higher or see what the head has to say and go from there?

OP posts:
abbsisspartacus · 07/10/2018 20:32

Won't your address be on your child's medical records that he can access anytime?

Starlight345 · 07/10/2018 20:33

Yes IF it has come from the school a massive breach however at this point . Block his number and leave it to cms . Call police if he turns up at your address.

I can’t imagine what circumstances school would give out this information so I would go to the school . Tell them what has happened.

Anasnake · 07/10/2018 20:34

I think he's bullshitting to scare you and has got it from a different source.

ASauvignonADay · 07/10/2018 20:36

If they have, they definitely should not have done. To be honest - I don't think it's the sort of thing schools are usually asked for, and it might well be that not all admin staff know your personal circumstance. Bit of an odd one. But definitely a cock up and a safeguarding issue!

Original poster
Firsttimenamechange1 · 07/10/2018 20:38

abbsisspartacus - they have my parents address down for both of us so wouldn’t be from them.

OP posts:
Labradoodliedoodoo · 07/10/2018 20:39

If it’s true make a formal written complaint to the governors and LEA

AnalAimee · 07/10/2018 20:40

If the school has been that stupid then I would report them for a massive breach. They would be fined a significant sum under the new GDPR laws.

As others have said, it is most likely that he has got it from another source. Potentially a mutual friends phone without them even knowing.

I would be terrified that he knows your address and it could all start again. I really hope he is calling your bluff. I'd check with the doctors too in case he asked them.

MaisyPops · 07/10/2018 20:40

Even without your circumstances, school staff wouldn't normally give out personal information.

Are you sure there's not another way he could have accessed the information? If it is school then they've really, seriously cocked up.

EvilEdna1 · 07/10/2018 20:42

I work in a school office and your school probably use the same or similar software. When you call up a child's record there is a space for making notes about special circumstances and it's very obvious and before the contact details like home address. It's very unlikely this came from the school as we are all paranoid about confidentiality.

AlexanderHamilton · 07/10/2018 20:43

Does he have parental responsibility? If so can he make a SAR on behalf of his child which would include their address?

Notacluewhatthisis · 07/10/2018 20:45

Wether you are certain it's them or not. You should make sure you have your facts straight.

If it's true. Then go mad.

PurpleDaisies · 07/10/2018 20:46

If so can he make a SAR on behalf of his child which would include their address?

He can make a SAR but information that he isn’t entitled to would be redacted.

PotteryLady · 07/10/2018 20:48

If it really is them then go mad 😡 and if you have to move any costs incurred should be paid by them. But be sure it was the school first.

Firsttimer1234 · 07/10/2018 20:52

Speak to the Head and make it clear you want a formal investigation into how it happened and that you are expecting an answer fast. Say that if you aren't happy with how this situation is going to be handled you will be making a formal complaint to the governors of the school. I would also ask him to see the schools GDPR policy as school should have one now x

ohreallyohreallyoh · 07/10/2018 20:52

Talk to the school first. Try and do it calmly and get the full story first. Book an appointment with the head first thing tomorrow and explain what you think has happened then put your concerns in writing. Ask for a written explanation within a given timeframe - it’s serious, so I would suggest within the day.

It may not be the school. Out of interest, are you aware of any new staff in the school office? Or a new TA or even do you k ow if her teacher is an NQT? It’s possible inexperience has caused the issue in the face of aggression, for example.

mumsastudent · 07/10/2018 20:54

at age 6 your dc may have innocently given him our address - alternatively he may have fraudulently worked his way through experion (??? is that correct name) or worked backwards through those credit checkers?/phone numbers - worked his way through things like your facebook friends pretending to be someone else. 198198???telephone numbers - even ex-directory can be accessed if you have time

Original poster
Firsttimenamechange1 · 07/10/2018 20:59

Thank you all. I really appreciate your replies.

I will of course make sure before I make a complaint. I will be speaking to the office tomorrow. I really hope it’s not true but I can’t think of how else he could get it. Drs is registered at my parents, party invites / parents at school are given the number that he has so only my manager, family and close friends have my new number.

The last time I contacted the school about this was when I received DD’s end of year report and it had my new address and phone number on it. I called them to tell them that they had to take this off / blank it out for his copy which they said they weren’t aware the police were involved (even though it had been mentioned a few times before) they sent me a copy of what he would receive along with the original and the one he would get had my information blanked out.

I just worry that they have so many students / parents to think about that it could’ve slipped out. Sad

OP posts: