Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be angry with school

251 replies

Firsttimenamechange1 · 07/10/2018 20:19

Name changed just in case. Posting here for traffic.

A bit of background. After a few years of emotional and verbal abuse along with infidelity on his part, I split with my ex 6 years ago and we have a DD6. He used to sit outside my house everyday when we first split. (He has DD for 3 hours every Monday and Tuesday and EOW since the break up. )

I contacted the police on several occasions and logged the fact he sat outside the house along with harassment via text messages every week. I have moved address and not told him where I am (I do drop offs and pick ups to his to avoid him knowing where I live) and also taken out a new phone contract so I message him on my old phone due to the anxiety I feel when I receive a text from him.
He hasn’t paid child maintenance in 6 years and I finally plucked up the courage to contact CMS a couple months ago. He has missed the first 2 payments.

I told the school numourous times that I do not want him knowing my address and new phone number due to the past and I also made them aware the police have been involved and they have acknowledged this.

Today I received a text from him saying that he doesn’t want to go through CMS and the school has given him my new number and address so he will be contacting me on my new number. He then text me on it to prove this. I told him that is my work number and he is to not contact me on that.

I am now scared that they have also given him my address. I will be going down to the school office tomorrow morning and if they have given my details to him what can I do? I thought that with GDPR they can’t do this, along with the fact I have specifically told them I don’t want him knowing my details. Any advice would be appreciated x

OP posts:
Wheresthel1ght · 07/10/2018 21:19

could they have sent the student info update sheets to him without redacting your info?

The fines for breaching GDPR start at the 10k mark so I would like to think they haven't done this. But it looks unlikely from your posts

notapizzaeater · 07/10/2018 21:26

Can you log it with the police In. Case he turns up ?

Fiffyshadesofgreymatter · 07/10/2018 21:26

They probably have sent him something without the info removed, or he's called in to update something and then asked for confirmation and they've given him everything.

Find out first, and then give them hell if they've done it.

And regarding the payments, tell him that since he has failed to pay anything for 6 years and has now failed to pay the first 2 legally mandated payment, you will not even consider a private arrangement. Tell him you may decide to reconsider in 12 months time, if he has made every payment but that you reserve the right to never move to a private arrangement.

NellieBee · 07/10/2018 21:27

Straight to the head, first thing. I work in a school and this could have ENORMOUS implications for all involved.

Then go to the police.

Original poster
Firsttimenamechange1 · 07/10/2018 21:32

Thanks again to everyone that has commented.

Would I tell the school outright what he has said or ask them if he has been in contact and asked them for info and see what they say?

What I guess I’m asking is would they have to tell me if they have given out my information? Or could they say they don’t know anything about it?

OP posts:
TeachesOfPeaches · 07/10/2018 21:33

I wonder if he received some paperwork from the CMS that had your details on?

Original poster
Firsttimenamechange1 · 07/10/2018 21:35

Teaches - I called them the other day for an update and triple checked that they can’t give out information and they said they don’t and not allowed to but I will check again with them tomorrow.

OP posts:
ASauvignonADay · 07/10/2018 21:37

I would ask them outright.

Eek, those GDPR fines sound huge. That's a lot of money out of the school budget. I really hope for everyone's sake it wasn't them!

Lithops · 07/10/2018 21:37

I would be amazed if the school has done this - it would be absolutely appalling if they have! As a pp said, they shouldn't give out personal details even without your circumstances.

I would get in touch with them and tell them that he has been in touch with you and says that the school gave him your details. Say that obviously you would be extremely concerned if this is the case, but give them a chance to say it wasn't them. As I said, I would be amazed if they did. If they did indeed do it, then absolutely complain as far up as you need to!

GruffaIo · 07/10/2018 21:40

He might be lying. My father (no contact) got my new address from one source but lied to try and implicate another source so as to create friction between me and that other source. So make sure it's really the school before you complain.

Then, if it is the school, I would file a formal complaint as it's very serious.

PorkFlute · 07/10/2018 21:42

I think it’s far more likely that someone you know has given him the number on the understanding that it didn’t come from them or that he’s got it from them sneakily somehow - messaging them pretending to be someone else etc.

AnoukSpirit · 07/10/2018 21:42

If they have, report them to ICO. Report at every level you need to. The only way they will learn not to repeat this is if they face the full consequences. If they have done this, it's completely unacceptable and they should not be shielded from the consequences by people letting them brush it under the carpet.

The previous near miss incident suggests nothing was learned, they do not comprehend their responsibilities, and no procedures were changed to prevent a repeat. Their procedures should prevent you from ever needing to intercept them before they hand out sensitive data, especially in a DV case. They clearly do not have such procedures for that to have happened previously.

And if necessary contact the police and make sure they have a marker on your address in case he tries anything.

Sadly, I can easily believe somebody could have been stupid enough to do this. Despite all the training, people just don't think sometimes; they get a bee in their bonnet because you don't look like their mental image of an abused woman and they decide they know better than what they've been asked to do to protect you; they get suckered into the abuser's "just a worried dad" charming routine; or their desire to be "helpful" overrules everything that's been drilled into them about protecting data and safeguarding. Or they're just plain fucking stupid.

People's capacity for this kind of thoughtless stupidity in DV cases never ceases to amaze me. Social workers have given out safe addresses to abusive men before, so there is no reason to think a school couldn't be just as reckless.

Hope for the best, prepare for the worst.

Frouby · 07/10/2018 21:42

I bet it was the CMS, they gave my ex my new address and phone number about 10 years ago. It was on one of the forms they sent 'Ms F Frouby, 52 Wejustfookedup Avenue etc etc'. I was absolutely furious. He wasn't supposed to have it for many reasons and was actually part of our court order, which the CMS had, plus I called and wrote to them, as did my solicitor.

It's shit.

FFSFFSFFS · 07/10/2018 21:47

Complain to Information Commissioner.

Call them as a first step to ask how to complain.

This should not have happened!!

ico.org.uk/make-a-complaint/your-personal-information-concerns/

SandyY2K · 07/10/2018 21:52

He could have had a private investigator follow you after picking DD up from his house.

I would tell the school straight up what he said to the school.

If they have given him your info...I'd be suing them.

Fiffyshadesofgreymatter · 07/10/2018 21:52

If it was the CMS, he'd have told you. Hee have said "well, the CMS gave me your address and phone number so are you sure you trust them to deal with this" or something similar.

The student data sheets in schools have all the contact info, and they hand them out to be updated when parents ask. There should be separate sheets for departed parents, but your school didn't have this when you received that first letter so it's very probably that they've done it again.

GiraffeObsessedBaby · 07/10/2018 21:54

Woah. I work in a 6th form as pastoral so it's me that speaks to parents in these situations and it's more than my jobs worth to do what you think the school might have done. That's a HUGE breach and extremely serious.

There's absolutely no excuse if they have done this, there are more than enough systems available to schools to help monitor this stuff.

OP I really hope you manage to stay safe from your ex and get this mess sorted! I would also be calling your phone provider and asking for a new number now.

Atthebottomofthegarden · 07/10/2018 21:55

My DH was sent his ex’s details accidentally by the CMS so it certainly happens, and until you said about your details on the school report I would think this a more likely source. But if they messed up once, they can do it again...

Original poster
Firsttimenamechange1 · 07/10/2018 22:00

Thank you everyone.

I will be speaking with the school and CMS tomorrow. I would like to think that if either one has given out the info that they would come clean and say so.

I have logged it with the police and will be getting a new number tomorrow too.

It’s just shit that this happens Sad

OP posts:
UnleashTheBulsara · 07/10/2018 22:01

Perhaps not totally pertinent but why on earth does the school put parental details like phone numbers and address on a report card? It's not remotely needed on there and potentially disastrous for safeguarding purposes. Good for you on catching that Op

GreenTulips · 07/10/2018 22:02

I have worked in a school office - I don't anymore but the system keeps all letters referrals etc online (including your child has been caught smoking letters!!)

If he's asked to see her file they may well have inovertently sent these types of letters with your address in them .... I wonder if that's the case?

FishesThatFly · 07/10/2018 22:08

Do you think the School would even tell you if you asked. I would think they'd want to cover it up

GreenTulips · 07/10/2018 22:14

I meant to say I work on a school and a friend is quite ill at home, I'd like to send a card

The office said they will label the envelope and forward the card - they cannot give phone numbers but can ring and ask them to call back .... they have to

MacosieAsunter · 07/10/2018 22:18

Electoral roll - the public one in the library - and 192.com

You can track anyone down if you have a mind to it.

Tiredtomybones · 07/10/2018 22:19

Definitely ask the question tomorrow.