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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be angry with school

251 replies

Firsttimenamechange1 · 07/10/2018 20:19

Name changed just in case. Posting here for traffic.

A bit of background. After a few years of emotional and verbal abuse along with infidelity on his part, I split with my ex 6 years ago and we have a DD6. He used to sit outside my house everyday when we first split. (He has DD for 3 hours every Monday and Tuesday and EOW since the break up. )

I contacted the police on several occasions and logged the fact he sat outside the house along with harassment via text messages every week. I have moved address and not told him where I am (I do drop offs and pick ups to his to avoid him knowing where I live) and also taken out a new phone contract so I message him on my old phone due to the anxiety I feel when I receive a text from him.
He hasn’t paid child maintenance in 6 years and I finally plucked up the courage to contact CMS a couple months ago. He has missed the first 2 payments.

I told the school numourous times that I do not want him knowing my address and new phone number due to the past and I also made them aware the police have been involved and they have acknowledged this.

Today I received a text from him saying that he doesn’t want to go through CMS and the school has given him my new number and address so he will be contacting me on my new number. He then text me on it to prove this. I told him that is my work number and he is to not contact me on that.

I am now scared that they have also given him my address. I will be going down to the school office tomorrow morning and if they have given my details to him what can I do? I thought that with GDPR they can’t do this, along with the fact I have specifically told them I don’t want him knowing my details. Any advice would be appreciated x

OP posts:
Itchyknees · 08/10/2018 11:26

DGRosetti that’s a weird way of looking at it. And they will have legal liability insurance in any case. But what do you suggest? A stern letter from the local constabulary?

Original poster
Firsttimenamechange1 · 08/10/2018 11:27

Thank you everyone.

They have said they are sending me the email over shortly.
ICO have said any emails sent to the school previously would help so I’m going to go back through them and get them together too.

I really appreciate everyone’s advice and support x

OP posts:
dannydyerismydad · 08/10/2018 11:29

I am so sorry this has happened to you.

I would also complain to Ofsted as well. This is a massive safeguarding breach and could have serious consequences.

FruitofAutumn · 08/10/2018 11:30

I don't understand this! He has your dauhter twice a week and every other weekend, and you want him to have no means of contacting you? It is also your DDs address so if she needed medical treatment or even to register for a club he would not know her address to give?

Also surely at 6 the kid herself will be able to ive him the address?

Wheresthel1ght · 08/10/2018 11:34

@fruitofautumn rtft. He has a number to contact her in if needed. There is a history of dv so he is not allowed her address.

OP make sure the police are aware he has your address. They can flag the address in case he chooses to be a bigger twat!

Gazelda · 08/10/2018 11:40

This is terrible. OP, get yourself safe and anonymous first - this is your priority. Tell the police, your parents etc.
Then get all your info together and let rip at the school.
The ICO need to know, the LEA, school governors and Ofsted.

IDoLoveToBeBesideTheSeaside · 08/10/2018 11:44

I'm so sorry OP. That's such a terrible failing by the school.

I agree you need to flag this up with all the relevant agencies. I hope you can keep yourself safe.

ReanimatedSGB · 08/10/2018 11:46

Definitely log it with the police. It might be worth getting a non-mol order as well, so if he turns up at your home he can be arrested.

And, yes, escalate the complaint. Someone's screwed up badly. You can write to the Chair of Governors outlining what happened, and a PP's suggestion of getting on to the LADO as well is a good one.

DGRossetti · 08/10/2018 11:53

DGRosetti that’s a weird way of looking at it. And they will have legal liability insurance in any case. But what do you suggest? A stern letter from the local constabulary?

The point is, that data protection in the UK is "taken very seriously" right up until anyone has to do anything ... all fining miscreants does is reduce the budget for what they should be doing. I'm pretty shocked by the OPs tale ... and really heads should roll (they won't). But even with all the mechanisms of the ICO, the worst that will happen is the school will get a whopping fine in the thousands, and every pupil will suffer. Meanwhile life goes on.

Don't get me wrong - data protection is very important. But in the UK we've seen entire databases go missing from laptops with witness protection details, and .... well nothing.

I'm very sorry for the OP. But things like this are going to keep happening.

Gersemi · 08/10/2018 11:54

OP, is there a court order around this? Without one, I'm wondering whether the school can say they can't refuse to tell a parent their child's address. That wouldn't of course excuse giving out the phone number.

If you haven't got a court order, I would suggest you look into getting one immediately. Women's Aid could probably refer you to solicitors who can help.

QueenDaisy · 08/10/2018 11:58

Do you still have the copy of the report they sent you, which was a copy of the report they sent him with your details blanked out - this would prove beyond doubt that they knew not to give him your details Flowers

Jakethekid · 08/10/2018 12:02

I too am wondering how he has even gone about asking for this information. It's not a normal question to ask and even for the less educated of a person it would ring alarm bells in your head? "Oh hello, can you give me my ex's number and address please?". A normal person would question why he 1)would need it and 2) wouldn't already know it. Massive slip up by the school!

Original poster
Firsttimenamechange1 · 08/10/2018 12:55

Gersemi - I paid for legal advice a while ago regarding court orders and saving up slowly to take it to court to get one in place. My earnings are just over for legal aid but I’m struggling to save any faster.

When I first mentioned the issue to the school they told me any letters / data collecting etc would come to me only as DD resides with me.

From what I now understand is he requested the information so he can make sure all is correct on the form. Collection days etc. I sit here and can picture him saying it in a ‘no big deal’ kind of way and maybe they thought just a dad double checking info.

I can understand that these things will continue to happen and it’s not the schools problem when parents separate but when I have mentioned this on more than one occasion and my reasons for it both verbally and written, then I think it takes the piss.

OP posts:
Original poster
Firsttimenamechange1 · 08/10/2018 12:57

QueenDaisy - yes I do still have the report. The original and a copy of what they sent to him which is a good point. Thank you x

OP posts:
Zorgothslugofdoom · 08/10/2018 13:10

This is a massive breach of GDPR. I'm glad you've already contacted the ICO. they will take it very seriously, and the school will be looking at a serious penalty. It's appalling that this has happened, and the school needs to work quickly to change it's procedures. I'm the data protection guardian at my institution, and would be horrified if a mistake like this happened. It was drummed into all of us what was required when there was a change in the legislative - and also how severe the penalties would be if we had a breach. Definitely put in a claim for compensation for this appalling failing in the schools data protection procedures. I'm so sorry this happened to you!

QueenDaisy · 08/10/2018 13:22

Firsttimenamechange1

That’s fantastic, someone at the school messed up & they’re trying to cover their Backs, you can now prove they knew not to pass on your details to your Child’s Dad Smile

GiraffeObsessedBaby · 08/10/2018 13:24

OP I'm so sorry that it's turned out to be the school. I'm so shocked. As I commented upthread in my role I deal with this stuff every day. You do not need a court order to prevent him from accessing this private material. If he wanted that he could go through the police who would asses the situation and any educational institution would direct them that way. It's not the schools responsibility to be the go between and they're very aware of that.

I'm genuinely appalled. I know you've contacted regarding GDPR but please also contact your local safeguarding lead at your council as this is a SERIOUS breach.

footballmum · 08/10/2018 13:26

The note, or lack thereof, on their system is a red herring. Since GDPR if a data controller can not justify a legal ground for releasing personal data to a third party it will be in breach of the Data Protection Act. Data controllers have to demonstrate that they have secure systems and cannot just willy nilly disclose personal data without a legal basis for doing so or the data subject’s explicit and informed consent. No amount of apologies and explanations will save them as they are, by their own admission, in breach.

OhLookHeKickedTheBall · 08/10/2018 13:33

Glad you've gone to the ICO with this. It's really a very bad failure on their part. The school changing their story may have something to do with some people being aware and others not as they haven't bothered writing anything on their system but that isn't good enough.

Gersemi · 08/10/2018 16:33

People who know about GDPR - it is a breach to give a child's address to his father if he asks for it? I'm not excusing the school, just wondering about the legal position.

OhLookHeKickedTheBall · 08/10/2018 16:46

gers from my understanding of GDPR - its not that it is the address of the child, but also the address of someone else who also has a right for their data not to be shared without permission. Tbf that as also the case prior to gdpr.

GiraffeObsessedBaby · 08/10/2018 16:46

@Gersemi as far as I understand it it doesn't matter that it's his child's address - the OP as mum and responsible adult has said no this information cannot be shared with the Dad the data therefore cannot be shared - and vice versa. I could be wrong.

GiraffeObsessedBaby · 08/10/2018 16:49

Plus even if it wasn't GDPR it's a safeguarding issue. It's not up to the school to provide that information if mum was withholding the address from dad - dad would have to go to the police/social services. If mum says no the school are entitled to share it - I've had this conversation more than once with an estranged parent!

GiraffeObsessedBaby · 08/10/2018 16:51

Aren't entitled to share it not are

RB68 · 08/10/2018 16:54

They have no defense he told you that he got it from school - it should not have been released