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AIBU?

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Original poster

To be angry with school

251 replies

Firsttimenamechange1 · 07/10/2018 20:19

Name changed just in case. Posting here for traffic.

A bit of background. After a few years of emotional and verbal abuse along with infidelity on his part, I split with my ex 6 years ago and we have a DD6. He used to sit outside my house everyday when we first split. (He has DD for 3 hours every Monday and Tuesday and EOW since the break up. )

I contacted the police on several occasions and logged the fact he sat outside the house along with harassment via text messages every week. I have moved address and not told him where I am (I do drop offs and pick ups to his to avoid him knowing where I live) and also taken out a new phone contract so I message him on my old phone due to the anxiety I feel when I receive a text from him.
He hasn’t paid child maintenance in 6 years and I finally plucked up the courage to contact CMS a couple months ago. He has missed the first 2 payments.

I told the school numourous times that I do not want him knowing my address and new phone number due to the past and I also made them aware the police have been involved and they have acknowledged this.

Today I received a text from him saying that he doesn’t want to go through CMS and the school has given him my new number and address so he will be contacting me on my new number. He then text me on it to prove this. I told him that is my work number and he is to not contact me on that.

I am now scared that they have also given him my address. I will be going down to the school office tomorrow morning and if they have given my details to him what can I do? I thought that with GDPR they can’t do this, along with the fact I have specifically told them I don’t want him knowing my details. Any advice would be appreciated x

OP posts:
Allthewaves · 08/10/2018 16:55

Our school insist on everything in writing fromparents just for this reason.

Andro · 08/10/2018 16:56

Gersemi - not the case for the OP, but consider this:

What do you think the fall out could be if the school disclosed a child's address without consent...and that address was a refuge?

Nightwatch999 · 08/10/2018 16:59

I would be livid. In fact I would remove your DC from the school, get a Non Mol Order, and let CMS retrieve your maintenance.

RandomMess · 08/10/2018 17:20

Op this is awful SadAngry

PassMeTheHaribosAmego · 08/10/2018 17:58

Bloody hell

Gersemi · 09/10/2018 00:07

Andro, you seem to be under the impression that I think it's OK for the school to disclose the address. I don't.

However, wouldn't most people in a refuge have the protection of a court order or a condition attached to bail?

Andro · 09/10/2018 09:01

you seem to be under the impression that I think it's OK for the school to disclose the address. I don't.

I apologise, I misinterpreted the tone of your question.

However, wouldn't most people in a refuge have the protection of a court order or a condition attached to bail?

Not necessarily! Not all women who escape to a refuge have gone to the police, some who have reported dv have been let down/not enough evidence/abuser received a caution. Those who do have the 'protection' of a court order are dependent on their abuser respecting the order, or the police being fast enough to respond if/when it is broken.

Vickster99 · 09/10/2018 11:57

Is there any update on this OP?

Original poster
Firsttimenamechange1 · 09/10/2018 13:13

Hi all,

Sorry for lack of update.

I’ve emailed the school again today as I still haven’t received the email they promised me yesterday confirming it all in writing so until I have that I can’t do anything as ICO have said to get as much as I can in writing for them.

I received an email back from the office to say they are on it.

I’ve spoken to phone company this morning and changing numbers and have logged it with police regarding my address.

OP posts:
ChasedByBees · 09/10/2018 16:57

I wonder how much they’re panicking and wondering what to put into writing.

Starlight345 · 09/10/2018 17:00

Yep I would say running scared.

Fiffyshadesofgreymatter · 09/10/2018 17:11

If you havnt got it by now, then tomorrow morning go into the office and tell them, don't ask, TELL them that you will come in and stay with them in the office while the type the email. Also give them a list of everything that has been discussed and tell them they must include and confirm at all in their email. You may need to really push for this but they have made a huge error so they need to face up to it.

PrincessScarlett · 09/10/2018 17:25

OP, I feel sick on your behalf. The school have massively f*cked up and need to be held accountable. Glad that you are in touch with the ICO. You also need to report this to Ofsted, the LEA and the board of governors.

The school should be prioritising their response to you. Agree they are panicking and agree you need to go to the office first thing tomorrow and refuse to leave until you have what you need.

Does the school actually recognise the implications of what they have done? I know you told them not to let your ex have your details but do they realise you have moved house before so he cannot find you?

MissSusanSays · 09/10/2018 17:25

OP- this is absolutely awful. It sounds like this school are totally disorganised and they have a serious staff training issue or a problem with the clarity and usability of their data systems. Either way it would make me question the leadership of the head and SLT. These are basics.

I would write to OFSTED as well. This would indicate to me that their key info on students is not always up to date. I would have concerns about their safeguarding procedures.

Yura · 09/10/2018 17:25

This is a complete diseaster - the school is absolutely awful. on the positive site for you, the fines for this are enormous- more than enough to cover all you need and make sure it will never happen again!

Yura · 09/10/2018 17:32

Add on: the receptionist is hopefully already suspended. you have to live under a rock and be incredibly dim to not realise how serious this is. i’m only on the sidelines involved with this sort of stuff, but i know that personal data is off limits for everybody

Ninabean17 · 09/10/2018 17:33

This is shocking. Its a school ffs! How can they do this so easily?! Hoping you get the answers you need and support moving on from this.

Original poster
Firsttimenamechange1 · 09/10/2018 18:45

Thanks everyone.

I sent them an email earlier on saying I will go to the office tomorrow morning if I don’t receive an email. I haven’t received it (shocking) so I will be in there first thing tomorrow morning.

As soon as I have it I will be sending it to ICO and writing to Ofstead, LEA and board of governors as per pp advice.

Thank you all again. Your support means a lot right now.

OP posts:
Original poster
Firsttimenamechange1 · 09/10/2018 18:55

PrincessScarlett - they do know. I told them so many times that I have had to get a second phone and move house before Sad

OP posts:
PrincessScarlett · 09/10/2018 19:07

Well that makes it even worse OP as they know what lengths you have gone to in getting away from this man and they have very stupidly told him your contact details. Throw the book at them OP, they have been dangerously negligent.

DamsonGin · 09/10/2018 19:42

I'm shocked and I should think the school are bricking it. Nasty bastard too, he's done this to make you back off the CMS hasn't he. Will this mean another house move for you?

spinn · 09/10/2018 20:06

I would expect the school are getting legal device before putting anything in Writing as they are realising the Full extent of their mess up.

I would be contacting the lea at this point even without it in writing as they will exert pressure from the otherside (then everyone else as it progresses)

MissSusanSays · 09/10/2018 20:16

I would be contacting the lea

If the school has a CEO then they won’t be under LEA control but will be an academy chain. This means they are only answerable to OFSTED and the DFES. Which is the bloody probable with academies.

Original poster
Firsttimenamechange1 · 09/10/2018 20:37

Damson - that was my first thought. Still not paid either.

It would mean another house move unfortunately. The tone of his message telling me the school has given him my details has made me feel sick. Hardly slept since that message from him.

OP posts:
QueenDaisy · 10/10/2018 08:27

I hope you get your email today. It really is shocking that they’ve done this, make sure you tell the school, the ICO & all the other people you’re reporting this breach to, that you now have to move house Flowers