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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think we deserve to use our "nice" stuff?

188 replies

Wickerwillow · 06/10/2018 23:10

Every day I wear the same drab jeans and frumpy jumpers on rotation, yet I have a wardrobe full of beautiful tops and dresses in lovely finishes. Beautiful jewel tones in silk, linen or velvet still with the tags on that have never seen the light of day because I'm saving them "for best".

I've come to the conclusion that "best" never happens and "special occasions" rarely seem special enough when the day arrives. I seem to be waiting for all these worthy occasions that will be deserving of that bit of extra effort yet I can't remember the last time I gave myself permission to wear something that fell into the hand-wash only/iron on cool category...

Beaded indian slippers I never dare to wear around the house as they're too fragile.

The "nice" foundation kept at the back of the drawer, choosing instead to wear my cheap, old, dried up stuff because, you know, it's only Tuesday.

Good napkins shunned in favour of a scraggy bit of kitchen roll at dinner.

Scented candles never lit in case they, god forbid...actually burn....

My new resolution is to make use of at least one "special" thing that I already own every single day and stop accumulating treats that never get used.

Is anyone else guilty of this?

OP posts:
Hungryagain · 08/10/2018 19:12

I don’t actually go out & buy nice things for myself as I feel I don’t deserve them because I’m so fat & ugly. I’m desperate for new clothes, underwear & even a new pair of glasses but I just spend money on my kids, DH or house.

mediumbrownmug · 08/10/2018 19:26

Hungryagain please go out today and spend some money on yourself. You do deserve it. Flowers

Emmageddon · 08/10/2018 19:28

My daughter bought me a beautiful leather covered journal for Christmas. It's been sitting on the shelf, waiting for something exciting to happen, for me to start writing in it. After reading this thread, I have taken it off the shelf, and decided to write something in it every day - even if I end up writing what the weather is like, I will use it.

Nanalisa60 · 08/10/2018 19:40

The saddest thing about clearing out my mums house after she died was all the lovely things she had been given as gifts but never wore or used they were all kept for best!! Cloths, jumpers cardigans,nightwear, underwear, slippers,candles, toiletries, perfume. The best China and glassware never used I cried and cried. Well not me I use everything I just say to myself if you don’t look after yourself who will!! I love nice things and I use them. When I got married many many years age we got loads of lovely denby China and Edinburgh crystal and a stunning cutlery set, I but them in the good sideboard!! My husband throw out all the old cheap stuff and put all the good stuff in the kitchen cupboards he said if you break something then we will just replace it!! Which we have!! Don’t keep your good stuff in cupboards use it and enjoy it!!

Wasitnotme · 08/10/2018 19:41

Thank you for this post! I realise this is what I'm like and now I'm going to change! I'm also a cancer survivor it's been 6 years for me tomorrow I'm ditching the jeans and putting on something I don't usually wear. It's so true no one knows what's around the corner none of us are guaranteed tomorrow we should all live for today!!Smile

SheGotBetteDavisEyes · 08/10/2018 19:43

Like other posters, I've started to use the good stuff! I think I got to my early 40's and thought it was ridiculous to save things, hold things back.

Now, I use my Dr Hauschka Bath Oil, I burn the beautiful candles, we open the decent wine, use the silver serving spoons for a midweek dinner etc.

I'm a total convert now. Use the good stuff and the best stuff. Wear it, smell it, use it, eat it and drink it! Grin

YearOfYouRemember · 08/10/2018 19:47

I can't never buy anything and use it or wear it the same day. It's taken me decades to work out why. I was fostered as a kid. When I returned to their house after visiting my parent near Christmas I had to show the bio kids all I'd got and then they'd take what they wanted. So I can't use or wear anything when I first buy it as I might not get to keep it…

hoopyloop2016 · 08/10/2018 19:53

I have always bought nice things and used them and never felt guilty. Not sure if it comes from an unloving childhood or not. But as soon as i moved out of "Home" at the age of 16 i thought i am going to treat myself because i deserve it. 4 children later i still buy nice things i am not saving them for best.

Cocknose · 08/10/2018 20:13

Thanks for this wonderful thread. I was thinking about it whilst putting DC to bed and I have just dug out a bracelet that DH bought me over 10 years ago. Sapphire and Diamond that I have worn twice and put away “for good” It is now on my wrist and going to stay there!

Niri1 · 08/10/2018 20:34

I came to the same conclusion. Live life to the full now. You never know what could change in a moment. The funny thing is that favourite foundation for instance, you chose because you liked it and then squirrelled it away in case of... wear it! use all your favourite things and save money in the process not buying the drab things.

mygrandchildrenrock · 08/10/2018 20:38

YearOfYouRemember have some Flowers

YearOfYouRemember · 08/10/2018 20:47

Thank you mgcr Wine

anniehm · 08/10/2018 21:10

I made a decision a few years back to stop keeping things for best! I bought really nice plates and we eat off them everyday, we have bone china mugs, I have nice candles in my bathroom and I wear good clothes to work (ok my evening dress is barely used but a bit much for grocery shopping!). The only reason my linen napkins don't see the light of day is because I'm too lazy to iron them!

anniehm · 08/10/2018 21:14

Ps if anyone here is thinking of getting good crockery - you can get half price Denby via Tesco club card, they keep the same designs so you can replace as needed and add to it. It's stronger than cheap crockery too.

Strawberryoxygenbubbles · 08/10/2018 21:24

@Wickerwillow yes! I could have written this. I'm lucky enough to have a beautiful wardrobe & treated myself to a few designer bags pre DD.

I turn up to baby groups looking like I don't own clothing bought within the last decade. I think "oh my hair isn't freshly washed therefore I can't waste wearing x,y,z so better save them for a day I'm all done up myself" so I put on old horrible things. I've been carrying around an old worn out bag to complete the look. I have designer bags that don't see the light of day and cashmere jumpers that have never been worn while I wear old sweatshirts. I do the same thing for work. I've got lovely shirts & I think "I better save them" so I go in wearing old things to work. So basically I never use my nice things!

Maybe we should all start a group where we all have to wear or use something we've been saving every day & report back as incentive to stick to it.

DeadBod · 08/10/2018 21:34

I remember the thread from a while ago from someone who started using their "best stuff". Other posters joined in and everyone was using their posh handcreams, bathing in expensive bubble baths and lighting special candles. It was oddly heartwarming.

HomeMuffin · 08/10/2018 21:37

My DH does this and I don't really understand why. Can anyone explain why?

Greyponcho · 08/10/2018 21:37

Okay, raise your hand and repeat after me:
“I do solemnly swear that I am good enough to use the best and enjoy it every day. No reason needed, nor justification to be given, because I deserve the best”

Tattygran14 · 08/10/2018 21:45

Use it all now! I left my husband after he attacked me, and I went to a bed sit. He hung himself, leaving his half of the house to our daughter,who always took his side. She was never there to hear his many threats, and promises of violence. She cleared the house completely, without my knowledge. I lost clothes, photos, books, furniture, household stuff I'd bought and treasured, kept for 'best'. Have the pleasure of it by using it now. Mind you, there was an awful lot, and at least I didn't have to sort it out....

ladyvimes · 08/10/2018 21:48

I used to keep stuff ‘for best’! Not anymore. Now I enjoy things when I can.

Tee22 · 08/10/2018 22:15

We were burgled recently. I'm having a tough time getting over it, but what hurts so much is how I think about all the things I'd kept 'for best' things that I'd never got chance to use. I swear I will never do it again.

foodiefil · 08/10/2018 22:19

I use my posh shower gel and make up and best clothes every bloody day and light the posh candles and you know why ...

Because someone on here said they had their Jo Malone candle nicked out of the downstairs loo and I thought 'sod it, life's too short'

Now every day has a bit of luxury in it ☺️

RedStef1983 · 08/10/2018 22:23

Nope. Nice things make me feel nice so that’s what I wear/use.

genius1308 · 08/10/2018 22:25

Totally agree with this. I've just sorted out my wardrobe and I'd say half of it still has tags on. Jeans and t-shirts or jumpers everyday. The trouble is, for me anyway, is that I'm a SAHM! When I used to work I'd always have nice clothes on, I likes to look smart and, maybe stupidly, I continue to buy those type if clothes because I think they look nice. The problem is I can't see the point in putting on a smart pair of trousers and blouse to drop the kids at school and then come home and scrub the kitchen floor! One day ConfusedHmm

user1498079440 · 08/10/2018 22:47

OMG Yes you absolutely should. I feel really strongly about this! I’ve been known to wear a little black dress around the flat on a Sunday because I damn well want to. It may be something to do with my uber strict Mum & her house rules & general unpleasant childhood, I remember one xmas my elder brother & I persuaded her to let us open a bottle of Buck’s Fizz. Out of character she gave in. It was stinkingly off! What is the point. Plus I have a few health conditions & know I won’t live a long life, so I say let’s live it now.