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Original poster

To think we deserve to use our "nice" stuff?

188 replies

Wickerwillow · 06/10/2018 23:10

Every day I wear the same drab jeans and frumpy jumpers on rotation, yet I have a wardrobe full of beautiful tops and dresses in lovely finishes. Beautiful jewel tones in silk, linen or velvet still with the tags on that have never seen the light of day because I'm saving them "for best".

I've come to the conclusion that "best" never happens and "special occasions" rarely seem special enough when the day arrives. I seem to be waiting for all these worthy occasions that will be deserving of that bit of extra effort yet I can't remember the last time I gave myself permission to wear something that fell into the hand-wash only/iron on cool category...

Beaded indian slippers I never dare to wear around the house as they're too fragile.

The "nice" foundation kept at the back of the drawer, choosing instead to wear my cheap, old, dried up stuff because, you know, it's only Tuesday.

Good napkins shunned in favour of a scraggy bit of kitchen roll at dinner.

Scented candles never lit in case they, god forbid...actually burn....

My new resolution is to make use of at least one "special" thing that I already own every single day and stop accumulating treats that never get used.

Is anyone else guilty of this?

OP posts:
PackingSoap · 07/10/2018 13:28

I think kondoing helped me a lot with this. It made me realise that those things kept for "best" just made me feel sad every time I saw them because I wasn't having those "best" occasions in my life.

I only seemed to live for a fortnight a year when I went on holiday. That's when I used the eyeshadows, the perfume, the fancy hair volumising powder I'd bought as a treat after I finished a big work project.

I've now made a commitment to myself to use this stuff regularly. Part of me kinda wants it all gone, so I've been using body lotions that I've been bought as gifts to shave my legs in the shower.

thecatsthecats · 07/10/2018 13:54

I generally agree, but I do think it's important to hold the odd thing back for specific circumstances. I have a perfume that I wear on holidays for example.

If I wore it every day, it would stop conjuring memories of holidays, but begin to mean work, diy etc. So the odd times I dole it out outside of holidays feel really special!

But yes, in general I'm a bugger for keeping last year's naice Christmas stuff right up until the next one.

AnnabelleLecter · 07/10/2018 14:05

Same for jewelry. My everyday stuff is expensive, my going out stuff is cheap tat.

Aren't you still doing it but in reverse?

Why not just wear the nice stuff as much as possible and forget the tat?

Cronesquerness · 07/10/2018 14:14

You bought the nice stuff because you like it and so I think you should wear it and not leave it in the wardrobe with the tags on. Rip the tags off and wear the nice clothes to the shops or to school or out for a coffee or anywhere at all including at home. Light the candle, put the slippers on, enjoy your stuff because no matter how much it cost it is just stuff and meant to be used.

northlaine · 07/10/2018 14:19

I went to an evening event run by a stylist once and the one thing that really stuck with me was that you should never save your clothes for "best". If you have nice clothes just wear them. I mean I wouldn't go around wearing my evening dresses on a daily basis but lovely blouse/jumper/ skirt whatever - just wear it & feel good! Otherwise clothes are just a phenomenal waste of money if they sit in your wardrobe until styles have changed/they don't fit anymore & you've only put them on a couple of times. Wear the hell out of things & then replace them when they are knackered/you've had enough. Made sense to me!

SpaceDinosaur · 07/10/2018 14:23

Thank you!
I didn't realise how much I was depriving myself of 😮

newhousenewstart · 07/10/2018 14:31

I’ve never in my life had anything ‘for best’. My parents are in their late 80’s. My DM still has wardrobes and cupboards full of crockery, clothes etc ‘ kept for best’ and which have never been used. At this rate she’ll wear them in her coffin. Life is so short and it seems such a waste

Allegorical · 07/10/2018 15:28

Annabel it’s more because I wear big, statement costume jewelry for going out that if it were real would cost the earth. i.e massive diamanté earrings etc. For daytime I have more expensive but subtle pieces such as my lovely pave diamonds necklace, a fine delicate bracelet etc. Those things would be lost on a going out outfit.

ThisBitch · 07/10/2018 15:38

I was like this. There was another thread on here about this which I followed and it helped so much. I now wear nice clothes just because. Every single day I wear nice clothes and I do my make up and put of perfume just because. I even bought lounge wear and fancy slippers and a cute mug for when I'm cleaning the house or having a lazy day. I buy bath bombs and lovely candles and treat myself to nice wine and chocolate and go for dinner/coffee not as a treat but just because I can. I take so much pride in my house and buy nice furniture and make it all look nice and expensive looking. Rather than just having a bog standard things that do the job but don't look particularly nice.

It honestly changed my life Smile takes a while to get used to 'spoiling' yourself and you will feel guilty for quite a while but after a few months it's just lovely to be surrounded by nice things and be able to pamper yourself.

ferntwist · 07/10/2018 15:42

OP you’re so right. I love your post. I too came to this conclusion after clearing my beloved grandmother’s house after she died aged 90 and finding many of her wedding presents still in their boxes, saved ‘for best’ and never used. I got all of them out and have used and enjoyed them and shared them with the rest of the family. She and my grandfather were from the Depression generation and had been raised not to waste anything, but ultimately this was a bigger waste than using them all straight away.

JakeBallardswife · 07/10/2018 15:44

I come to this conclusion to. Today I’ve just cleared out four huge bags of clothes, now going to clothing bank. I’m just left with summer & winter clothes I like and actually wear, that aren’t faded but for everyday best! I’ve still got a wedding outfit, party tops & ball dress but just one of each. So liberating ! I can actually see what I’ve got to wear!

DrCoconut · 07/10/2018 15:55

I think it can be an inherited thing. There was a thread a few days ago where saving money as a habit for older women was discussed (as in extreme frugality not having a savings account). I think saving things for best comes from a similar place of not wasting, not being self indulgent etc. It's often people who grew up during or just after the war that do it and they've brought their children up similarly. I know we always kept new clothes and didn't really use them in the end until they were getting small and it would be a terrible waste to put them out not having used them.

MrsAdamDriver · 07/10/2018 16:05

I don’t even buy green bananas anymore!

My sister died suddenly from an asthma attack, and one of the things we celebrated about her was that she really LIVED when she was alive: every day was for ‘best’.

She always wore her beautiful clothes, her fantastic perfume, her exquisite shoes, and used her beautiful things everyday.
I’m so glad that she did!

DianaPrincessOfThemyscira · 07/10/2018 16:31

I used to do this until my shaped scented soaps lost their scent. I was about ten I think.

Now I buy things or ask for them as gifts because I want to use them, I see no point in having things saved ‘for best’.

I also buy decent clothes in my side instead of cheap shit that looks horrible because I’m too fat and I don’t deserve to wear nice stuff.

YoThePussy · 07/10/2018 16:33

I moved house last year and as I was packing found many clothes I had forgotten about. I took a lot to the local charity shops including much of what I was wearing at that time. For the last year I have been wearing a selection of ‘new’ clothes that I had been saving for a suitable occasion. I am loving all my new clothes and all the money I have saved as haven’t had to buy much for a year. I am also using all the posh soap which was scenting my underwear drawers.

TheFaerieQueene · 07/10/2018 16:36

They are just things. Enjoy them. Best doesn’t make sense to me. Every day is best.

Flooffloof · 07/10/2018 16:44

Oh I found out the hard way to just damn well use the good stuff.
Had a beautiful dress for my daughter (was given to us when she was too small for it)
One day she asked if she could wear it and I said no it's for best, parties and the like.
She never got to wear it though, by the time an occasion came up she was too big for it.
I wish I had just let her wear it, even just for playing out. Feel guilty about it.
So now, although I don't have much "best " I do use it more than just for best.

UseditUpandWoreitOut · 07/10/2018 16:56

I agree, great thread OP

OP you’re so right. I love your post. I too came to this conclusion after clearing my beloved grandmother’s house after she died aged 90 and finding many of her wedding presents still in their boxes, saved ‘for best’ and never used. I got all of them out and have used and enjoyed them and shared them with the rest of the family. She and my grandfather were from the Depression generation and had been raised not to waste anything, but ultimately this was a bigger waste than using them all straight away.

I so agree with this.
It finally hit home to me after clearing my PIL's house after they both died within days of each other.
Box after box of unused, beautiful things.
It made me feel sad but it would have gone against the grain, particularly for MIL, to actually use all these things. It was her way but most (99.9%) was given away to charity or sad to say, skipped.

Didn't feel this way when I cleared my Mum's house, same generation (born 1920's), same social-economic background as PIL but different mindset.
Mum used it up and wore it out Grin I take after her.
(seems I'm in a very agreeable mood today, how strange Confused)

AnnabelleLecter · 07/10/2018 17:36

Alle
I get you now. Separate accessories for different styles.

MaisyPops · 07/10/2018 17:38

I'm with you. I'm over keeping things for best. They either get used or worn or thrown out and donated.

donkeysandzebras · 07/10/2018 17:51

The other good thing about actually using your "best" stuff is that then, when people ask what you want for Christmas or birthdays, you can say that the candle/perfume/eyeshadow they gave you was lovely and now used.
It may make Christmas dull, but MIL always gets Clarins serum from us, an aunt always gets Jo Malone bubble bath, SIL always gets me a particular White Company candle and MIL always gets me vouchers for a couple of pedicures. I had one of the pedicures yesterday &, whilst I can make a reasonable job of my toes, this is so much better and I have been bare foot as much as possible today just to admire my feet.
The only thing where I stick to cheap is earrings as I often fiddle with them so lose them easily.

PippilottaLongstocking · 07/10/2018 17:54

Totally agree! There’s no point having nice things if they never get used, and imagine how much lovelier every day will be if you use even one of those nice things each day!

MaisyPops · 07/10/2018 18:05

Does anyone else get that horrible feeling of having over used nice things though?

I find myself telling DH that I should use a different jumper because my nice one is starting to bobble a little in places. He tells me its much better to wear until used through and then spend on something nice rather than have lots of things tryinf to avoid any of them getting used.

SimplyPut · 07/10/2018 18:11

I am getting better at this!

SputnikBear · 07/10/2018 18:12

We have a set of posh cutlery and china that we use 2-3 times a year. We worked out that if we live till 80 we’ll probably only use it about 100 times! So now we use it every day Grin

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