To think we deserve to use our "nice" stuff?

[Wickerwillow]

Every day I wear the same drab jeans and frumpy jumpers on rotation, yet I have a wardrobe full of beautiful tops and dresses in lovely finishes. Beautiful jewel tones in silk, linen or velvet still with the tags on that have never seen the light of day because I'm saving them "for best".

I've come to the conclusion that "best" never happens and "special occasions" rarely seem special enough when the day arrives. I seem to be waiting for all these worthy occasions that will be deserving of that bit of extra effort yet I can't remember the last time I gave myself permission to wear something that fell into the hand-wash only/iron on cool category...

Beaded indian slippers I never dare to wear around the house as they're too fragile.

The "nice" foundation kept at the back of the drawer, choosing instead to wear my cheap, old, dried up stuff because, you know, it's only Tuesday.

Good napkins shunned in favour of a scraggy bit of kitchen roll at dinner.

Scented candles never lit in case they, god forbid...actually burn....

My new resolution is to make use of at least one "special" thing that I already own every single day and stop accumulating treats that never get used.

Is anyone else guilty of this?

I think this conditioning began in childhood for me. An aunt made a special doll for me when I was born, it was beautiful, and was saved in special wrapping. That doll is still in the wrapping in perfect condition in my wardrobe. I can’t help but think that the aunt who made it would much rather it was battered, had one eye and smelled bad, as then it would have been loved.

I’m the total opposite... the more expensive an item is the more I’ll use it.
I was bought a very expensive naice designer bag by my mum for a milestone birthday about 8 years ago, I used it daily until it literally fell apart.
I don’t believe in “saving for best”, too many people I know have been taken too young so I think we should all enjoy everything nice we have that makes us happy as we may not get another chance

I totally agree with the sentiment, but don't you all think that part of the reason some "best" clothes don't get worn is because dressed-up clothes are often not that comfortable or practical? I think it makes sense to spend less on wedding guest outfits, etc, and more on beautiful but comfortable clothes for everyday.

I used to work in a supermarket and a lady came in wearing the most beautiful dress, asked if she was going anywhere nice and she said no just Tesco, but I lost some weight and wanted to wear my nice dress. Bless her.

20+ years ago I treated myself to a posh (for me) dinner service in a well known department store. The assistant spent quite a long time helping me choose which were the important to have bits and which we could add later. All these years later I can still hear what she said to me as she wrapped up my purchases - "use and enjoy, use and enjoy". Having young family at the time I didn't take her advice to use it on a daily basis but it does come out every time we have adult visitors - which is fairly frequently.

I am also guilty of the smart clothes in the wardrobe which are rarely worn whilst slobbing around in jeans, t-shirts and jumpers!

This thread has made me see something. I'm pretty good at using my nice bath stuff, glasses etc. but when it comes to clothes it's like I think I'm not worth it.

I've put on a lot of weight in the past few years and I've fallen into the habit of just buying cheap boring 'for now' clothes. I don't want to spend much because I'm always convinced I'll lose the weight soon. However it's taken me 9 months to lose a stone. That's nine months of wearing drab shit clothes.

It's mad, I'd happily spend 50 quid on a night out but won't spend that on a nice pair of work trousers. No wonder i feel shit about myself.

Right, epiphany over with. I'm getting ready and going shopping.

Thanks everyone!

My dad always emphasised this message to my mum, sister and I: use your nice things! They're meant to be loved, used and enjoyed! They're meant to be seen! Life is too short not to use them.

And then he left us first. Cancer.

My mum, sister and I use our nice things. And I know that I think of him when I waffle over whether I should wear/use something in particular sometimes to remind myself that life is short. He taught me that.

Yep - I had a similar realisation in my late 30s. Now I buy good stuff and use it. I'm worth it!

I still hoard all the potions and powerups in computer games though, never use any "just in case".

I think I do this a lot already.

I spend more money on my everyday clothes than I do on my going out clothes as that’s what I wear most of the time. Just bought an amazingly expensive pair of winter boots but I will enjoy wearing everyday for years.
Same for jewelry. My everyday stuff is expensive, my going out stuff is cheap tat.

I always use my best makeup. I don’t have two tiers.

We got a gorgeous dinner service when I got married. We use it everyday, my mum could t understand why we didn’t keep it for best and get a cheaper service. We don’t have the space and even though it’s on it’s last legs due to inevitable breakages pretty sure we eeked more value out of it on a cost per use basis than if we had kept for best.

But I do need to light the candles more- it’s generaly because I can never find any matches!

My grandparents kept the front room of their small terraced house ‘for best’. It had the best furniture and carpet, but it was never used, even on Christmas Day. I only saw the room being used once, when the priest came to visit. They lived in the dining room.

This ridiculous nonsense had a big effect on me. I never bothered buying ‘best’ cutlery, crockery, glassware, table linen etc etc as I realised that in most cases this stuff is a complete waste of money because it’s seldom actually used. Adding to the absurdity, if a piece is broken on the rare occasions when it is used, people get upset. It’s a wine glass, ffs. Get a grip.

My policy : Buy from Ikea. Use daily. Replace as required.

I think I do a mixture. I never save disposal items like candles etc for best but we do have a beautiful crockery set that is only used at Christmas or super special occasions. Partly because it can’t go in the dishwasher so no-one can be bothered. There are a few other things from my wedding list that have barely been used as well which is a shame as I love them. We’re slightly better at using our nice glasses but I think it is the stage of our lives where expensive glasses don’t mix that well with toddlers.

With clothes I’ve got an £800 coat that I wear every day and love. It really lifts me but I’ve also got a mulberry handbag that I don’t think I’ve actually used so I must do better there otherwise it’ll have been a total waste. Of a weekend I’m happiest slobbing about in leggings etc and I still have cheap clothes from my uni days that I wear more regularly than anything more recent or expensive. I’ve got lots of dresses from weddings that I can’t imagine wearing again so I’d have been better getting cheaper occasionware and investing more in the stuff I wear more regularly. I haven’t really bought much since my daughter was born but when I do, I want to get nicer basics and work clothes.

We spent the early years of our marriage with second hand and budget things (we were still happy) that now we are able to we enjoy the best we can have. Drink the good wine, eat the fancy chocolates, stay at the nice hotel.... you never know how long you have and you can’t take it with you... my mum wasn’t much older than I am now when she died so I’m enjoying my life as much as I can right now

DMIL was like this to a ridiculous degree.
When she got new specs she would only wear them for church.
She wore her previous ones the rest of the week.

Same for jewelry. My everyday stuff is expensive, my going out stuff is cheap tat.

Same here. I wear my trusty old stainless steel Rolex every day and wear a far cheaper but much more sparkly watch for going out.

God, no. I buy things I want to wear, then wear them.

Crikey, yes. Don't leave things for best because best may never come.

We've been guilty of this in the past, but now we use everything. I've been helping my DM with a huge clearout of her loft and that's when you realise just how wasteful keeping things for best really is.

She had boxes upon boxes of glass, crockery, hardly worn clothes. I asked her who she was saving them all for and when, and for the first time she realised how silly the approach was. They've spent money on cheap glasses whilst having enough glassware in the loft for a party of 20 etc.

Another thing was decorative soaps. She's kept them for best until they've all dried out and cracked.

I‘ve kept toiletries for a special occasion and then found out they‘d gone off. :( No more keeping for best! I use all my good stuff as much as I can.

I soooo relate to this! And I agree, we should use the nice stuff!

I used to keep things for best and then a few years ago, I had a clear out and had to throw away a load of toiletries that smelt funny.

I use my good stuff regularly, but not everyday, so it still feels special when I do use it. I do look after my good stuff, to keep it good condition, so I use a waterproof spray on suede, shoes are kept in boxes and bags in dust proof bags.

I used to save things for best until, like others a relative died leaving cupboards full of unworn clothes and perfume.

I’m wearing a gorgeous necklace a friend gave me as a gift today, I’m going as far as the paper shop, but the necklace makes me happy because my friend chose it just for me and wants me to enjoy it.

Make everyday the best.

I used to buy the most beautiful underwear that I kept in a 'special' drawer hoping for the relationship that would warrant wearing it.

By the time I met DH, none of it fit

Use your nice stuff now.

I'm currently caring for a very elderly aunt who has some dementia. She has a whole sideboard full of the most beautiful crockery that has always been kept for best. My MIL remembers dinner parties in the 60s when it would be used, but nobody's seen it since and, judging by the dust on it, nobody's touched it since!
She needed a small light cup for her tea the other day. I rooted around and used one from the 'best' sideboard. She was ecstatic over it, how beautiful it was, how lovely to use, how it cheered her up just to look at the flowers on it. I tried to explain that it was hers, it had always been hers.
Instead, she tried to pay me for buying her 'that lovely cup'.
There's a lesson there.

Brilliant thread and I agree! I use my best stuff all the time now. If it gets wrecked or ruined so what, at least it actually got used!

"We are not rehearsing here. We are alive now and deserve to look and feel great. Buy the neon lipstick, pour the luxury bath foam with abandon, light the candle for no discernible reason and wear the Chanel No5 to the Co-op. Lovely things deserve to be seen, used and enjoyed, not hidden away. And you deserve to live well and feel great now, not later. Life is really bloody short, so stop saving things for best today. It really is a mug’s game."

Sali Hughes