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Original poster

To think we deserve to use our "nice" stuff?

188 replies

Wickerwillow · 06/10/2018 23:10

Every day I wear the same drab jeans and frumpy jumpers on rotation, yet I have a wardrobe full of beautiful tops and dresses in lovely finishes. Beautiful jewel tones in silk, linen or velvet still with the tags on that have never seen the light of day because I'm saving them "for best".

I've come to the conclusion that "best" never happens and "special occasions" rarely seem special enough when the day arrives. I seem to be waiting for all these worthy occasions that will be deserving of that bit of extra effort yet I can't remember the last time I gave myself permission to wear something that fell into the hand-wash only/iron on cool category...

Beaded indian slippers I never dare to wear around the house as they're too fragile.

The "nice" foundation kept at the back of the drawer, choosing instead to wear my cheap, old, dried up stuff because, you know, it's only Tuesday.

Good napkins shunned in favour of a scraggy bit of kitchen roll at dinner.

Scented candles never lit in case they, god forbid...actually burn....

My new resolution is to make use of at least one "special" thing that I already own every single day and stop accumulating treats that never get used.

Is anyone else guilty of this?

OP posts:
FourPillars · 07/10/2018 00:15

Like many others, I say every day is a day to use your “best”.
My mum died leaving all sorts of things for “best.” Candles, clothes, crockery, even condiments. So sad.
Today is a day for “best” because you don’t know what tomorrow brings.

Graphista · 07/10/2018 00:15

I used to be - now I'll wear a nice dress even if it's just to accept the grocery delivery!

And I'm encouraging dd to wear her nice things whenever too.

My mum is in her 70's and due to illness and surgeries etc has a wardrobe full of lovely clothes she'll never be able to wear. Had a dresser full of crockery and glassware she never used, after being ill she had a sort of epiphany about treating herself well and wearing and using things that are "special". She's also bought herself some good quality clothes that she can wear and she does wear them. If she sees a film or theatre show she fancies she doesn't wait for birthday or Christmas she finds someone to go with and gets the tickets!

She says herself now "no pockets in a shroud!" And "no point waiting for my coffin to wear my best dress!"

My sympathy to those who've experienced loss or serious illness Flowers

7Days · 07/10/2018 00:26

I agree.
It goes in nicely with all that minimal living stuff that you see everywhere now.
Buy good stuff and use it, and no need to buy shite alongside.
Maybe years ago there was a reason for saving things for best, but the shops are not going to run out of gorgeous stuff any time soon.
I would rather buy lovely, if expensive jeans which will get worn every day, than an expensive dress which will be worn once then ten pairs of crappy jeans which make me look white every other day of the year

AnnieAnoniMouse · 07/10/2018 00:33

A combination of Erma Bombeck’s ‘If i had my life to live over’ & reading various bits and pieces changed my habit of ‘keeping things for best’.

But it’s not a ‘use it for everyday’ approach either. I use my ‘good things’ mindfully. For example I’ll use some little bowls my mum bought me on a day out together when there aren’t little people around because although they weren’t expensive, they’re special, they remind me of that day and make me smile. I use them because they make me happy, but because they make me happy I reduced the risk of them being broken.

I’ll keep ‘nicer/gifts/special’ wine/chocolates etc to share OR purposefully to ‘bring a bit of cheer’ - so not for ages, but also not without thought.

It’s a balance between ‘keeping stuff & never using it’ & keeping things ‘a bit special’. It works for me.

ChishandFips33 · 07/10/2018 00:37

I used to be like this - took a while but I no longer do it

Expensive (to me) perfume worn daily, clothes/shoes, cutlery etc - it's all out and used

Yes some stuff has been broken but at least I know I've enjoyed it

Go for it and when you do, tell yourself 'you're the best'

twoshedsjackson · 07/10/2018 01:35

Nine years ago, I was rushed to hospital for emergency surgery.
I was so lucky that I was found in time, and I made a full recovery.
Since then, I've stopped saving "best" crockery for special occasions, wear the nice clothes that were sitting in the wardrobe, and go to concerts and exhibitions whether it's a special day or not. and on the other hand, I'm more ruthless about taking a rain check on things I don't fancy doing!

TakeAChanseyOnMe · 07/10/2018 01:42

As a child new clothes were always “kept for best.” As soon as I went to uni I wore everything as soon as I got it.

It reminds me of a Sali Hughes story, her friend had one of those rose candles that were popular years ago. She “saved it for best” but it melted and got ruined before she could use it.

MrsOprah · 07/10/2018 08:28
Passmethecrisps · 07/10/2018 08:32

My wonderful MIL has a unique saying “get it clashed on your back - best might never come”

She was diagnosed with a serious illness last year and may not live another year. So I have decided to live as much by that as possible. Also I have decided to stop buying cheap stuff just because it’s cheap. I have cupboards and drawers full of cheap clothes and shoes I don’t wear. Spending just a little bit more would get me things I really loved and I would probably spend less

Gah81 · 07/10/2018 08:38

Great thread idea. I was until a few years ago guilty of buying for a glamorous life I didn't have. Silk 50s cocktail dresses, long lamé gowns, velvet shoes etc. Then I decided "fuck it" and did a mix of searching out glamorous events and decided I didn't care if anyone thought I was overdressed. Wore a gold lamé gown out for a nice/posh dinner the other day and was definitely OTT but life is too short and just thinking of the evening and outfit makes me smile. I felt wonderful.

Currently writing this swathed in my vintage silk kimono (with proper full on sleeves) 😊

niknac1 · 07/10/2018 08:38

The charity shops are full of people’s best stuff, when my mum died she had a wardrobe full of best things she never used. Don’t do this use your best things now.

kaytee87 · 07/10/2018 08:41

I've never kept anything for best. Life is too short, using nice things makes me happy so I just do it whether it's a random Tuesday or Christmas Day.

honeylulu · 07/10/2018 08:42

So true. I've done stuff like buy a case of wine/fizz and kept it so long it wasn't nice or fizzy by the time it was opened. Ditto chocolates post their sell by date.

Worst habit was treating myself clothes shopping by buying party dresses that I only wore once or twice over several years whilst buying primark t-shirts etc for every day. I only realised this after Marie Kondo-ing. Now I consciously buy nice stuff I can wear to work/everyday. Much better investment and I feel I love my clothes and feel great in them.

erinaceus · 07/10/2018 08:49

On the “other people say I look massively overdressed” thing, I found that they adjusted as I changed what my normal behaviour was. Now I get lots of compliments on my clothes!

I think if you have lovely things, using them mindfully - although it sounds cheesy to me - really works. I think that a related issue is that to an extent you have to figure out which nice things matter to you and ignore the rest. I love quality clothes, shoes, haircuts, makeup, technology, coffee...don’t really understand homewares very well (cutlery/crockery/furniture/upholstery, I just can’t get excited), nor candles, nor perfume really, don’t much like travelling or shopping...nor fresh cut flowers and lots of people rave about those...working out which things matter to you helps you appreciate those things IME.

longwayoff · 07/10/2018 08:51

PLEASE use your nice stuff. That's what it's for, don't leave it to go stale or out of fashion. Be kind to yourselves.

Yogagirl123 · 07/10/2018 08:53

Life is way too short, for saving things for best, every day is best.

Speaking from experience you never know what’s around the corner.

Missingstreetlife · 07/10/2018 08:58

Occasionally I buy something lovely which is not really suited to everyday life and only gets used now and then, but mostly you should treat every day as best. Special care, dry cleaning and hand washing puts me off, but have what you like, don't stint yourself if you can afford not to

WhoGivesADamnForAFlakeyBandit · 07/10/2018 08:58

My mother had all sorts of rules about when one was allowed to use what crockery/cutlery, sit in which room, wear which clothes etc. I am very happy to say that when she died my father ripped up those rules and eats what he wants, where he wants, off whatever he fancies, whilst wearing whatever he feels like!

Conseulabananahammock · 07/10/2018 09:00

This is me to a T . I have beautiful boots,dresses and coats. Loads if makeup etc. But always seem to live with no makeup in a cap in my gym gear.

AnnabelleLecter · 07/10/2018 09:07

To those accused - Say better to be over than underdressed Wink
I only buy clothes I really like so only have nice things to choose from. We go on lots of holidays and out lots so plenty of opportunities to wear the posher stuff.
The way to do it is only buy the 'best' (as in your favourite) of everything to begin with so it has to be used.

NicePieceOfPlaid · 07/10/2018 09:08

This is also me. I have wardrobes full of lovely things but I always wear leggings and t shirts around the house. I even get changed back into them if I've been out.

I am going to wear a nice top today.

Thanks, OP.

Ohyesiam · 07/10/2018 09:11

You are utterly utterly worth it.
Every day should be a velvet and silk day! Honestly op celebrate yourself.

Cagliostro · 07/10/2018 09:12

I agree. I don’t really have best clothes - don’t have many clothes at all TBH (trying to lose weight etc and don’t enjoy shopping) - but I realised particularly when we moved house recently how many things had just been sitting there unused. For example an incomplete set of fancy/delicate teacups/saucers/little plates that DH had bought in a charity shop years ago as he loved the design, that had literally been gathering dust on a shelf. He said when we were moving, shall we just give them away? I said no, let’s actually use them, what is the point of having had them all this time otherwise? So we are using them as part of our every day crockery, if they break they break.

I’m trying to apply this sort of idea to all our stuff, we were very cluttered in our tiny old house. People were horrified that in our new house the HA rules say that we can’t use the attic for storage - but I want to live so that we don’t actually need to store anything “out of sight” (other than Christmas decorations which obviously are not always needed). If it’s something we love enough to want to keep, we should love it enough to just use it rather than shut it away.

woodhill · 07/10/2018 09:14

I'm exactly the same.

woodhill · 07/10/2018 09:21

Does it come from generation before e.g. my dm was born in war and there was very little in the 50s etc plus front parlour?