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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would you fancy you OH if you met him now?

229 replies

LolaPickle · 06/10/2018 16:16

When we first met - ten years ago ,my husband looked and acted VERY different, he was up for a laugh, looked very very different and was much more outgoing. Now he is the opposite of what i would find attractive and is very different socially / takes life very seriously

Would you still fancy you OH if you met him today?

OP posts:
afishnotabird · 06/10/2018 20:42

Mines having a noisy, melodramatic poo atm so no, probably not right now

HalloumiGus · 06/10/2018 20:50

Yes I would. He hasn't changed as much as me though - I'm two stone heavier, going grey and have a face like a slapped arse most days.

SaltyPeanut · 06/10/2018 20:51

If I were answering three days ago...love him to bits...would still go for him...yadda...yadda...and so forth. He came home laughing and joking like the Mr SaltyPeanut I fell for thirty years ago and it makes him seem so attractive when he is like that.

Answering today...I'd rather shove my head in a giant blender than spend half an hour in his company or even look at him. He has been an irritating mardy bastard all day and it makes him seem ugly inside and out when he's like this.

So, at least for me, I think it depends when asked.

FabulousTomatoes · 06/10/2018 20:54

Yes I would. He’s changed but we’ve changed together.

Crunchymum · 06/10/2018 20:59

My DP hasn't changed much (he was grey and receding when I met him over a decade ago Grin).

Wouldn't like to know his answer to this question though Shock

caroloro · 06/10/2018 21:01

Nope. Well maybe a little bit on a good day. But generally no.

HidingFromMyKids · 06/10/2018 21:03

afishnotabird

Mines having a noisy, melodramatic poo atm so no, probably not right now

Haha Grin mines at the other end of the room with a plait in his fringe. He has obviously forgotten that he did that with our DD earlier. I don't think that's a look I would go for Grin

I've put on lots of weight and I'm no longer confident in social situations like I used to be so I'm probably the lucky one that he's still around!

augustusglupe · 06/10/2018 21:11

More so now tbh. He’s matured a lot mentally and i just find him more attractive now he’s older. He’s semi retired now too after 35 years running the family business, so he’s less stressed and happier in general.

MrsJBaptiste · 06/10/2018 21:21

Definitely, it was love at first sight for both of us and 20 years later were still amazingly happy 😚

It seems to be the same for our family and friends too. They've all been together 15+ years and only three of our friends have divorced. Not sure what we're doing right! 😉

MrsStrowman · 06/10/2018 21:24

Yes, definitely. I look back at pictures of when we were younger and while he was cute then he's more of a man now, his hair/beard are better, also he still makes me laugh and we still have that chemistry, it was the spark and connection that drew us together in the first place

BarbedBloom · 06/10/2018 21:31

Yes, I like the few greys he is starting to get and in general, he isn’t that much different physically. We still enjoy spending time together and have a lot in common, which helps.

Upslidedown · 06/10/2018 21:48

I read out a few comments to DH (he loves the idea of fanny gallops and was delighted when I confirmed I totally got what that poster was talking about).

For those who still fancy their DH/DP but wonder what they think of them, if the relationship is good then ask. I was amazed at how DH sees me as I worry about how I've aged but it seems he's blind to the fat/wrinkles/sag and his version was really quite sweet. If they're nice guys it's probably a conversation worth having.

Mybackhurts1 · 06/10/2018 22:04

I feel quite sad, it’s lovely reading all your positives but for me it’s a no. I don’t find him attractive, we’re friends and get on well, but we haven’t had sex in over 5 years and I don’t find him physically attractive. I find lots of his habits very irritating and he has changed dramatically as a person from when I first met him. I only stay because I can’t afford not to. Justeasier, simpler and better for the kids. As I say we get in fine and are friends, just nothing more 😢

Bluntness100 · 06/10/2018 22:05

Oh goody a mans view. Let's all sleep easy tonight.

Singlenotsingle · 06/10/2018 22:10

Yes, we've both put on weight and slowed down, but he's still got a full head of white hair, and blue eyes. He's got the patience of a saint and never bad tempered. Grin

Bluebell878275 · 06/10/2018 22:12

Oh yes..my husband is fit as. I love his little dimple, twinkly eyes, and his dark hair with grey flecks. A little smile and wink from him across the pub and I still flutter lol

C0untDucku1a · 06/10/2018 22:13

No. I mean he is an attarctive man. But his personality would put me off. Lack of focus and direction, and that’s not compatible with my own goals and self right now.

DollyDayScream · 06/10/2018 22:15

I would definitely fancy him, but I would hopefully move on to someone more caring and understanding.

theoriginalpineappletart · 06/10/2018 22:19

Oh yes lol. He has lost 6 stone and has the whole silver fox going on. His dress sense is better and he is loads more confidence. How he still fancies me is more of a mystery. I feel I've aged horribly due to illness but he keeps telling me how beautiful I am. His eyesight has definitely deteriorated ...

Bloobs · 06/10/2018 22:37

I would not fancy my ex! I didn't really fancy him to start with physically, but fell in love. Over (a looong) time I realised he wasn't who I thought he was and a lot of his charm was a front for insecurity and selfishness. But by then we had DC. Without the lovely personality I'd initially gone for, he became seriously unattractive to me and it became impossible.

But then I also wondered what would have happened if he had been my type and devastatingly sexy, because then would it have been harder to leave? I have an ex from before him, who was a champagne socialist, annoying sexist twat, but I still go weak at the knees just to think of him and I still would!

dellacucina · 06/10/2018 22:57

Sadly, probably not. He is still a very attractive man, but his intrinsic selfishness and critical nature has become apparent through my pregnancy and the first couple of years of DD's life. It's quite a turnoff.

Stefoscope · 07/10/2018 00:02

Based on looks I would find him attractive, but in hindsight I'd probably look for someone who would pay me a little more attention. I'm an introvert, so do appreciate a decent amount of alone time, but a couple of evenings a month of couple time with no tech or other stresses would be amazing. He seems so stressed with work all the time, so we never really go for days out or holidays. Having said that neither of us grew up seeing a healthy parental relationship; my parents stayed together, but didn't seem to like each other much (bickered constantly) and sadly his dad died when he was very young. No kids or plans to have them, not sure the relationship would survive that!

BunsOfAnarchy · 07/10/2018 00:04

11 years later...hell to the fuck yes!

I on the other hand look fucking horrendous now. Ive really let myself go. Im gonna go hide under my duvet in shame.

Fullofregrets33 · 07/10/2018 10:03

Been together since teenagers, now mid 30s.
He was a bad boy type and I adored him. Fancied him so much.
Now he's in senior management, only talks about work, miserable Victor meldrew type, loves DIY and isn't the fun type of dad I wanted for my kids. So in answer to the question, no I wouldn't if I met him now. I do love him to bits tho because we've spent our whole adult lives together and every experience has been shared.
He would say the same of me im sure. I was loud, bubbly and thin. Now I'm obese, anxious, and Moody alot of the time. He wouldn't look twice at me

Stonebake · 07/10/2018 10:06

Yes.

I sometimes wish I liked him less as being with him has made my life quite different to how I’d planned and sometimes I’m unhappy about it. But there we are.