Would you fancy you OH if you met him now?

[LolaPickle]

When we first met - ten years ago ,my husband looked and acted VERY different, he was up for a laugh, looked very very different and was much more outgoing. Now he is the opposite of what i would find attractive and is very different socially / takes life very seriously

Would you still fancy you OH if you met him today?

God i feel awful everyone is saying opposite of me

When i met OH , he was fun. Now all he ever talks about is work. If is not complaining.. think Victor Meldrew. (miserable fuck)

It is not so much looks wise that puts me off, but mainly attitude.... however looks wise he has changed beyond recognition too

I can crack a joke, and he won't laugh, he will get the hump over it in any way possible

It is a proper mood hoover and not what i need working 12 hour shifts to come home to someone who has the arse about something fucking ridiculous. On a regular basis

Maybe its just me and i got what i signed up for

Actually on second thoughts he could lose a bit of weight! But there again so could I!

Aw Lola - we all go through these phases. My DH was a right miserable dick and he made me miserable as well. But the kids were young, we were sleep deprived and life was stressful.

He'll get his 'mojo' back soon I am sure

Missing the point probably but think it's not appropriate for a pp to ask "has he got a bit porky"
Imagine the (justified) outrage if a man wrote that about his wife!
Lovely to hear so many positive stories

Thanks Charlotte.

Sadly no. It’s been 20 years and about 15 years ago he turned into a grumpy asshole with a shit sense of humour, I do still love him though.

But it's not about appearances for you is it? His personality has changed - that's why you're not attracted to him

Yes! Apart from a bit less hair, he has stayed the same shape and he is still just as kind and good natured.

Nope, afraid not, I can't decide if over the last 17 years he's morphed into a miserable, grumpy, negative, pessimistic, unenthusiastic sod, or whether he was like that all along and I just didn't see it.

Yes, 20 years later he's still very attractive with a good body and he's become a better, more tolerant person.
However i now look like shit 😬

Mine has turned into more of a victor meldrew with age, he still has his fun moments but has become obsessed with DIY
I have realised though that I can't just rely on one person to make me happy, so I now make more effort to see friends and leave him to his grumpiness... still wouldn't change him though (ok maybe a little bit )

I don’t think it’s you, and I don’t think that it is what you signed up for, either. He is making you sad and he needs to know. He may not even realise he is a grumpy sod, ridiculous as it sounds.

My husband isn’t too grumpy (mainly because of my endeavours) but when I suggest doing something fun and he pours cold water on it because he might be tired next Saturday etc., I say, “you are turning into a right miserable old bastard” and he’s always shocked that I would think that. He soon perks up though.

Yes, he’s fab . I probably find him more attractive now that we share children/life experiences etc.

No, but he's very ill and it's written on his face and body.

Yes, he is still gorgeous even though when we met at uni he had hair so long he could sit on it , and now is as bald as a badger!

But his sense of humour, intelligence, generosity of spirit and kindness (all the things I liked about him ) still shines through .. and of course I am not physically the same woman he met either all those years ago .. but he still tells me he adores me very often .

Yup, Dh is even more lovely 16yrs later!

Want to add that I’ve been with him 31 years.... so there is a fair amount of extra age there... but.... yum

Ah that’s sad Lola, has he recently become like this or has he steadily got worse over the years? Is he like this with everyone?

Yes to fancying him

Probably not to him fancying me - though he would never ever admit it

Hard to say! We both look more worse for wear in terms of ageing as have been together for 25 years (yikes!).
If I met him now, say in a work environment (and he wasn’t wearing his gross work trousers!!!), then maybe. He can be very pig-headed though now which he was less so when we met - life has def made him more stubborn, or maybe it’s an age thing? When he’s suited and booted he looks good, not so much with grey stubble and dodgy clobber. Physically he’s the same weight etc, prob better now as he does gym etc more.

Wouldn't have fancied mine when I was young, but different things are important now
You sound unhappy in the relationship op, not just the bedroom, though the two things will impact each other.
Can you talk, get help, go to counselling. Date nights are such a cliche, but nice times together and some shared goals do help

Yes, mine is ageing deliciously, like a fine wine

Absolutely not! He is nothing like the man I married, and I don't mean his looks.

No. I'm so over men. I no longer find any RL men attractive.They just aren't worth it and all seem to be a least a bit misogynist at heart. The sense of entitlement is huge. When younger I was blinded by lust, as if they wore a glamour

I don't know either my patience for her nonsense has got shorter, or she's become more selfish and cruel as the years have passed.