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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would you fancy you OH if you met him now?

229 replies

LolaPickle · 06/10/2018 16:16

When we first met - ten years ago ,my husband looked and acted VERY different, he was up for a laugh, looked very very different and was much more outgoing. Now he is the opposite of what i would find attractive and is very different socially / takes life very seriously

Would you still fancy you OH if you met him today?

OP posts:
hoochymama1 · 06/10/2018 17:06

Yes he is totally gorgeous and I fancy him like 10 bears Grin
He still makes me laugh after 31 years.
Goodness knows what he sees in me...
I'd echo what is said upthread Lola our worst time was when the kids were young and we were both working stupid hours. Now we only have one left at home and he's in the departure lounge Wink
Give it a chance to get better Thanks

Talith · 06/10/2018 17:06

Of course! The moment he opened his mouth - he's got such a witty turn of phrase and makes me laugh all the time. Precious man! Disclaimer: we've only been together a year though Grin

Metaplasia · 06/10/2018 17:06

Oh yes - when we met 12 years ago I thought he was gorgeous. Still everyday I wake up and think I'm the luckiest woman alive. Sometimes he catches me staring at him and gives me a wink and a smile and it makes my knees weak. He's the kindest, smartest, funniest, most wonderful man I've ever met and I love him to death. A bit of age looks good on men I think. I look like a haggard old witch even though I'm 8 years younger than him!

CantankerousCamel · 06/10/2018 17:06

Oh my goodness absolutely!!

He is just so lovely and he has big brown eyes and he does mma and... mmmm he’s just gorgeous in every way

Secretsquirrel101 · 06/10/2018 17:07

Much more so, I’d imagine. He’s more confident, more balanced (his work life balance when we met was just work... always!) and just as kind as he’s ever been. Superficially he’s better looking now as well. He’s lovely.

MrTumblesSpottyHag · 06/10/2018 17:08

God yes, even more than when we first met. He's ageing VERY well. And he's also more confident and flirty now than he was then.

Numbkinnuts · 06/10/2018 17:09

Nope !

Earlywalker · 06/10/2018 17:11

Absolutely!

AmICrazyorWhat2 · 06/10/2018 17:12

Physically, I'd notice the extra weight and I don't like his beard (he loves the horrible thing), but he's the intelligent, kind person that he always was, so yes, I'd still fancy him. He has lovely eyes and hair as well.

Of course, I don't look the way I did at 21 (surprise) Grin but I'm far more mature now. I think he likes me personality-wise more nowadays. I've grown up a bit! Blush.

irregularegular · 06/10/2018 17:13

Immediately, physically? No, probably not. He was 32 when we met. Probably at his physical peak. He is now 57 and a bit faded and baggy round the edges. But he is still a lovely man.

NellMangel · 06/10/2018 17:14

Wow a lot of lucky people here! Nice to hear about happy relationships

Sgtmajormummy · 06/10/2018 17:15

“Fancying” someone is all about looks, isn’t it?
I have a type and DH is it so I’m sure that if I woke up having lost my memory I’d still think I’d made a good choice!
But the day-to-day reality of living together does make you realize that the other person (and it’s reciprocal) isn’t the dreamboat you’d hoped for.
In the last 25 years (23 married) DH has turned out to be more vulnerable than I’d imagined. He worries and lets things get to him (optimism of youth has worn thin) so he often needs consoling or help in looking on the bright side.
I’m capable of and happy doing most things for the family so over the years he’s let me take over the role of family decision maker/ problem solver/ care giver. Sometimes it feels like I have an extra child rather than an equal partner!

But a recent illness brought it home to us that we NEED each other to function properly.
As usual, the reality might not be everything you hoped for but try imagining the alternative!

AmICrazyorWhat2 · 06/10/2018 17:15

baggy round the edges.

Great way to describe it! I Grin

Bluelady · 06/10/2018 17:15

Physically we've both changed. Our relationship was always about the grey fluffy stuff between our ears and that's absolutely all still there.

beachmat · 06/10/2018 17:16

Lolapickle, this thread makes me feel pretty awful too. I still love my husband but I definitely wouldn't fancy him if I met him now. We've been together 14 years and in that time he has totally stopped paying attention to his appearance. He doesn't look the same at all. When I met him I liked the fact that he was low key and laid back. He was sporty and liked to go out and have fun. But over the years that has translated into him becoming very overweight, wearing slobby old t shirts and tracksuit bottoms, getting a bald spot but refusing to cut his hair short.... I dislike his appearance and it makes me really sad because I do love him. I still make an effort and even after having two kids I lost all my baby weight, I exercise and keep my hair nice, shave my legs, wear makeup etc. More than his appearance, im worried about his health. We're not getting any younger and I worry he's heading for an early heart attack or diabetes. But he doesn't seem to care at all. Makes me very sad.

Bluntness100 · 06/10/2018 17:17

No if I'm honest, we got together when I was twenty, and I'm now forty nine we grew up to be different people. I love him and all,think he's good looking but if we met now we probably wouldn't get together

And yeah I feel shit saying that.

Longdistance · 06/10/2018 17:18

More than likely.

My dh cracks me up every day, he’s got such a great sense of humour, and scarily we think the same as in, I’ve thought of something and he’ll say it not long after.

FuzzBallMushroomP · 06/10/2018 17:19

Hell yes, I'd fancy him more now but I'm not sure he'd go for me if we'd just met.
He's hotter than he was 5 years ago, I'm less hot.

morningconstitutional2017 · 06/10/2018 17:23

Yes I would. He was a very nice man and the basics like that don't change.

StepAwayFromTheEcclesCakes · 06/10/2018 17:23

oh gosh yes, 28 years married and I love him to bits. he is a selfish git at times but still has the smile and above all he is my best mate, he seems to feel the same way too despite me being a good couple of stone heavier than when we met. he still fancies me and we still have a good laugh together, 2 lovely sons and a good life long may it last. most of all we have trust in each other, honesty and shared values which helps massively.

puppymouse · 06/10/2018 17:23

DH has never been what I would go for physically but he's an excellent other half, husband and parent. I seem to take him for granted constantly. And then we meet up with other people and I realise he seems to be aging far better than the other DHs. I think I'm far luckier than I realise. He does eat fairly sensibly and is a biking MAMIL though 🤦🏼‍♀️ more than I can say for myself...

AmICrazyorWhat2 · 06/10/2018 17:24

@Sgtmajormummy
“Fancying” someone is all about looks, isn’t it?

Hmm, not entirely. A fun personality and intelligence make a huge difference when you first meet. If you met two men with similar good looks and started chatting - one was arrogant or morose; the other had a great sense of humour and you could talk to them easily, you'd probably end up "fancying" No. 2 far more.

Personally, someone who likes a laugh is far more attractive to me than a deadly serious type.

dudsville · 06/10/2018 17:26

Yes, attractive inside and outside!

JaceLancs · 06/10/2018 17:29

Physically yes probably more now than when I met him - he was far too skinny then
If I’d known about the rest including his mental health issues I’d have run a mile
That’s why we no longer live together

MrsTerryPratchett · 06/10/2018 17:30

I totally still would. He looks after himself but has a lot less hair. Which he thinks is an issue but I don't so he's modest as well as hot.

But he is also still a laugh. However, I think if he was left to his own devices he would be worse. DD and I knock the edges off him.