DH and reading for pleasure

[jalexander]

AIBU to not understand DH's opinion and TOTALLY disagree with it?

He hates reading. He can't take it in. Doesn't enjoy it. Never reads for pleasure.

Fair enough.

We were just discussing reading for pleasure as I love it and think it's actually really important.

It came to light that DP never encouraged his children to read. He would read their compulsory school set books with them and that was it. Neither him or his ExW encouraged reading for pleasure and none of his children ever read. I find this really sad.

DH doesn't understand why I think it's sad. He said he'd never force them to read for pleasure. He hates it and doesn't see the point.

He says he's a realist and far more grounded than me, stuck in my little fantasy worlds with a romanticised idea of the world. Ugh. He's being totally flippant and dismissive.

What do you think?

Just realised. Although I could read far more fluently than any other 4-year old when I started school - sufficient to shock my teacher who still reminds me when I see her (she's now 85) - my dad never read and still doesn't, my mum very rarely.

May your DH have Aphantasia? Where he struggles to imagine images in his min?

www.bbc.co.uk/news/health-34039054

If I had this then I would definitely understand why you would never get pleasure from reading. Literally reading words and without the imagination, can't envisage the world/characters and so connect with them.

Please don't tell me he's a TV obsessive and has exclusive custody of the remote control! Books and reading for pleasure, escapism, gaining info. about places and experiences you may never be able to indulge or visit is pure joy. And to be encouraged.

I'm afraid he sounds 'grounded' in a Donald Trump kind of way - and about as much fun.........

For the pp saying no-one ever denigrates you for reading IRL; I have to disagree. I have been interrupted many a time on a train etc. by men getting in my personal space and asking me why I'm reading that/what's the point and so on. They were often drunk and pervy but the fact of a women reading seems to piss some men off it seems. And I have friends who've had the same thing happen so not just me. It's probably the same kind of men who order you to smile in the street I imagine. As to reading for pleasure; I wouldn't judge someone for not enjoying this but the OP's husband sounds unpleasant in general, like he's trying to put her down because his own ego is fragile or something. I'd be wary if I were you OP, it's nothing to do with reading/not reading.

I read all the time. I love it. My exh would happily admit in company that he had never read and finished a whole book as an adult. It was a symptom I think of just how incompatible we were. He hated me reading, especially in bed, like he was jealous of anything else having my attention. It’s one of my greatest pleasures now I’m single to snuggle under the duvet with a book.

PomPom where in my posts did you find any reference to ‘inferior’ or ‘unequal’?

There will always be people online with different perspectives, there’s no point hyperventilating about it.

Tatiana - where in my post did I mention hyperventilating?

Elasticity I mentioned 'Aphantasia' up thread but I didn't call it that as I don't know the word! I called it not having a very good mind's eye.

I find it a fascinating topic.

I feel k do not have a very good mind's eye but I quite like words, sometimes, and yet I have very complex and convoluted (to me) dreams.

My DP doesn’t enjoy reading but it doesn’t mean he isn’t smart, he really is. He is just smarter in different ways to me, ironically I am an English teacher and got a first in English Literature . He has a mathematical brain which I definitely do not have.

I have always encouraged my DC to read and we have hundreds of books but that is purely because I have a love for literature. I do think reading is hugely important but I can understand why some people don’t enjoy it. Forcing reading on children isn’t the way to go and it is thought that those children will be the ones who grow up to hate it. It’s much better to aim to make it a choice and to make it fun.

I could hear!!! the huffing!!! and puffing!!! from here pom

I wouldn't bother with tatiana she wants a fight. Noone is genuinely that goady and pretentious.

If anyone is goading it’s you.

Only in the U.K. is liking books pretentious.

It’s one of my greatest pleasures now I’m single to snuggle under the duvet with a book.

Even better when you find a DP who reads in bed, just like you do, and you can talk about each others books!

Interesting that you've chosen to completely minimise what you have been saying. I don't think anyone has said that liking books is pretentious and you know it.

I'm with you Sethis. I've just got to find one.

I have nothing to minimise Milady. It’s not clear precisely what you’re trying to pick a fight over, and the tail end of a thread is not the place to do it.

I also don't like vinegar, carrots, skiing (although I've never tried! So
maybe I would if I gave it a go!!), wearing yellow (it doesn't suit me) and unicorns! .... Who cares???? I am still equal to you! Just as clever! (And what does it matter if I'm not!!), just as clued up on current affairs (but again, would it really matter if I wasn't??) and just as valuable a human with just as many rights to express my opinions as you.

No one has suggested you're 'less valuable' because you don't read, but to pretend that not reading is akin to not liking carrots, a minority sport you've never tried, wearing a colour, or an imaginary animal (!?) suggests a genuine failure of logic and sense of proportion.

And suggests your opinions will not be particularly well-informed, especially if, like some others on the thread, you believe googling something is the same as reading a decent book about the same thing. Yes, there are wonderful resources on the internet, but there is absolutely no quality control.

Anyone can bang up a reasonably coherent-looking blog post on a topic, and there are large numbers of error-riddled, semi-plagiarised undergraduate essays up there too, not to mention entirely partisan takes on something.

A book from a decent press will have gone through some form of editorial quality control.

Nettled - Books can and have spread terrible lies and propaganda! Think 'Mein Kampf'!!! There are some scarily one-sided and bias books out there! Spreading very unhelpful info. Just because something is in print version or written in a book, doesn't make it any more factual than if it's on the web! I get most of the journal articles I need from search engines and databases online, not through the library or via books. I also get my news mainly from BBC online and news channels - would this be more factual if I read it in some book about the news?

You should both understand "To each, their own", neither of you are harming anyone- so you should both leave the other to their own activities when the time comes.