DH and reading for pleasure

[jalexander]

AIBU to not understand DH's opinion and TOTALLY disagree with it?

He hates reading. He can't take it in. Doesn't enjoy it. Never reads for pleasure.

Fair enough.

We were just discussing reading for pleasure as I love it and think it's actually really important.

It came to light that DP never encouraged his children to read. He would read their compulsory school set books with them and that was it. Neither him or his ExW encouraged reading for pleasure and none of his children ever read. I find this really sad.

DH doesn't understand why I think it's sad. He said he'd never force them to read for pleasure. He hates it and doesn't see the point.

He says he's a realist and far more grounded than me, stuck in my little fantasy worlds with a romanticised idea of the world. Ugh. He's being totally flippant and dismissive.

What do you think?

@MrsTommyBanks That's very true. My DH is very intelligent. His mathematical skills are incredible; mine are abysmal!

It's really sad. Even if your DH doesn't enjoy it, surely he should be able to appreciate the pleasure and benefits it could give his children.

My parents were not readers but they encouraged me to read everything when I was a child. I realised later they were actually quite cynical and did it so I would have good language skills. When my GCSEs started, they actively discouraged it because it got in the way of studying, and effectively said reading was worthless because it was made up. (Ironically they were big fans of tabloids and the Daily Mail 🙄.)

He said he'd never force them to read for pleasure.

He doesn't understand reading at all. Maybe he's a bit dyslexic and it's a real chore for him.

I totally agree that parents who encourage reading for pleasure are most likely a minority and I can't help but find that a little bit sad.

I wonder if that’s true. Are there any actual stats on that? Everyone I know buys their kids piles of books. Our school bookfair is mobbed everytime.

Our local charity shop is filled with little ones clutching their 50ps for a book.

I think he's lashing out because he feels belittled. Because of course, he is wrong that reading doesn't being advantages. You know that. Pity him and move on.
My husband doesn't read either and I love nothing more. He insists he does like it though and has favourite books but I don't think he's read a whole book in the 10 years we've been married. It's obviously not a priority. He does read with our two year old though and I would have a problem if he didn't. It sounds like the two of you don't have kids op?

"I don't see how reading would have changed where I ended up in life and hey, look at you, didn't help you did it."

Unless you spend your life reading self-help books then this is really missing the point.

From my perspective, you have one job as a parent:

Open as many doors as you can for your children, so they can choose which ones they want to walk through.

Failing to read to your children, failing to encourage a love of reading, closes so many doors it's incalculable. Anything academic, anything scientific, anything theoretical is instantly locked and bolted.

I, personally, detested sport as a child, because I was a bookworm and I was bullied, and of course the bullies were all the sporty types. However this doesn't mean that when my kid is old enough I'm going to steer them away from sport. It means I'll give them every opportunity to try different sports and see which ones they like - solo/team, indoor/outdoor, competitive/recreational. If they keep doing it, fantastic, if they don't, at least they had a new experience.

If my kid chooses not to read for pleasure, I'd be a bit disappointed because it makes up such a huge part of my own life, but so long as they're happy, that's all I need.

That said, there's no better way to start arguing than to talk about "Oh you should have done this differently in the past" especially if you weren't around at that point in their life in the first place. Just save yourself the hassle and don't bother!

Just because I'm nosey jalexander, when is your favourite time for reading?

Failing to read to your children, failing to encourage a love of reading, closes so many doors it's incalculable. Anything academic, anything scientific, anything theoretical is instantly locked and bolted.

You don’t have to love reading to be able to read. The op said the partner did do the reading set by school. There’s nothing to suggest the children can’t read, only that they don’t choose to do it for pleasure.

@TotHappy We do have a son together which is why I brought it up in the first place actually. He's only three months but I'm already reading to him, playing him audio books, etc.

I think reading for pleasure as a measure of intelligence is a complete red herring. It's like saying people who go to the theatre are cleverer than those who don't.

My dd doesn't read for pleasure. Ever. I don't think she's read a fiction book since she was 13 (she's 18 now). But she loves films and can talk very intelligently about them.

I love reading. I buy books weekly on my kindle to get into and my partner always raises his eyebrows when I say I'm getting stuck into a few hours reading time.
Doesn't bother me though. He has other ways to entertain himself. Ways that I wouldn't find pleasurable.
I think YABU I've never heard of anyone being pissed off because someone doesn't like reading.

She's predicted AAB in her a levels btw. She's academically clever. She has no real interest in reading.

Dd2 on the other hand always has her nose in a book! Also clever but in a different way

@elephantoverthehill Ah. Now that's the question. I have so little time anymore.

It was much easier when I was at school. I didn't use to leave the house for the duration of the six week summer holiday and devoured book after book. I spent every evening reading. My Mum hated it. I used to read so much.

Since working full time, reading is obviously limited to evenings and weekends but weekends tend to revolve around family activities and evenings spent cleaning and cooking etc.

Now I have a three month old, I'm on maternity leave and it's even harder!

DH can also get a bit moody if I spend all evening reading. I tend to be quite an all or nothing person too. I struggle to just read a chapter or two a night. I usually end up reading for hours on end until I finish it.

So little time to do it now though. MUST find more time.

@JellieEllie I don't think I said at any point that I was pissed off but for the record; I'm really not.

I'm amazed your reading has annoyed so many people around you. Your mum and your dp. A hard place to be.

He’s got a very odd idea of books if he thinks they’re all ‘fantasy worlds’. Science, technology, history, natural history, geography, biography, politics, psychology, economics...etc

He just sounds a bit thick tbh. I know plenty of people who have amazing maths’ skills but they still read.

Reading isn’t just for pleasure, it’s also for knowledge.

My dd doesn't read for pleasure. Ever. I don't think she's read a fiction book since she was 13 (she's 18 now).

She must have read factual books else how would she have got her education.

People that don't enjoy reading are not "thick" BTW

Yes tatiana, thats why I said fiction

So it’s not accurate to say she doesn’t like ‘reading’ - she just doesn’t like fiction.

To not understand his opinion and TOTALLY disagree it with it would suggest that you are pissed off that he doesn't like reading though.

@Whistlebustle I think it's just because they worry about me.

Readings not a very social task and I'm not a very social person.

However, they don't think it's good for me to get absorbed in these fantasy worlds.

My DH's parents never read to him as a child or encouraged him to read. They didn't even do his school reading books for homework with him. I've had to teach him nursery rhymes now we have a DC, is so sad. I consider it a form of neglect.

Well tatiana, amazingly I know my dd better than you. Sorry if you didn't understand what I meant!