DH and reading for pleasure

[jalexander]

AIBU to not understand DH's opinion and TOTALLY disagree with it?

He hates reading. He can't take it in. Doesn't enjoy it. Never reads for pleasure.

Fair enough.

We were just discussing reading for pleasure as I love it and think it's actually really important.

It came to light that DP never encouraged his children to read. He would read their compulsory school set books with them and that was it. Neither him or his ExW encouraged reading for pleasure and none of his children ever read. I find this really sad.

DH doesn't understand why I think it's sad. He said he'd never force them to read for pleasure. He hates it and doesn't see the point.

He says he's a realist and far more grounded than me, stuck in my little fantasy worlds with a romanticised idea of the world. Ugh. He's being totally flippant and dismissive.

What do you think?

Yes I agree it's frustrating and a bit weird. I enjoy reading but I wouldn't judge a single soul who didn't. Surely its just like not enjoying modern art, or theatre, or movies with subtitles?

When I was a child I read avidly. I was well ahead of everyone else my age at school. At 7 I had the maximum 4 cards at the library (so I could take out the maximum permissible 4 books). But by the time I got to 16 I'd more or less given up on fiction. I probably read one fiction book per year now. But I have shelves and shelves crammed with books, 90% of which are non-fuction on a wide variety of subjects, plus biographies.

I don't miss reading fiction at all. Most of my friends think it odd. I just prefer acquiring knowledge to reading stories. They all want me on their pub quiz teams though!

Yabvu for some, reading isen't pleasure, if he finds it hard or un enjoyable then he is less likely to read with his kids. He has read the compulsory set books with them at least. Or provide reading material for them to pick up an read. I used to read for pleasure back in the day when computers weren't as widely available and no internet, but now I just end up browsing the internet for information or watching documentaries where once I would pick up a book on the subject.

However one does not have to read books, there are newspapers available on the internet, and books, all sorts of information. There are other mediums apart from books.

I love reading, and have done from a young age. However there have been times when I've just stopped reading, for months, sometimes as much as a year at a time. Just haven't felt the urge, haven't wanted to. I haven't felt as though anything was missing in my life during those periods, and then the desire to read has come back.

I don't really understand a lack of love of reading, but I fully accept that there are people who don't enjoy it. You're not BU to not understand his lack of enjoyment in reading, but you're totally U to DISAGREE with it. It's an opinion!

I don't enjoy football, or karaoke, or running. They do nothing for me. I know that some other people love them. But neither of us is wrong. It's just opinion.

My biggest problem is people who dislike others' reading for pleasure. Thickos and inverted snobs and prudes and utterly boring people who see you with a book and have to come up and tell you that books are a waste of time and reading stories is childish, and that they are far too Busy and Important to read... or that what you are reading is rubbish and you should be doing something else. I always think of book-haters as Danny De Vito in Matilda. I just don't care to spend time with people like that.

No I would never stop anybody from reading or criticise it.iused to read pre kids, but having kids with SN exhausts you, I just do not feel like picking g up a book like I used too. When their in beck just want to sleep,or do something that does not fax mytired brain.

It’s no different to not actively encouraging a love of rock climbing/darts/100m sprint etc in your own children. So long as you’re not actively discouraging them then you’re not robbing them of any potential joy.

I just don't like it when those who live reading and read for pleasure see themselves as somehow superior.

Reading for pleasure comes from within,forcing a child to read, can work the other way.i provide books that interest my child, sometimes dd will pick up and read sometimes not.

To be honest, my OH is dyslexic and he hates reading, because he can’t do it. It gives him a headache, and frustrates him, and even at the age of 28, and a qualified architect, reading still makes him feel stupid.

I'm not a huge reader, the most I read is a novel on holiday once a year. I have no issues with reading whatsoever (seriously people stop suggesting dyslexia or some childhood struggle). My whole childhood was surrounded by books and reading, I read to my toddler. I'm very good at writing (for my job and outside of it) but I just don't read books very often and I feel pretty happy with life still. I read articles and other things that interest me and have a very vivid imagination but for some reason I am never that drawn to reading books.

OoohSmooch, exactly how feel. I just don't want to read anymore,don't feel sorry for me as I am perfectly happy. Both DC have SN, dd11, has Asd and learning difficulties. And found reading easy, she enjoys it. Ds6 moderate learning difficulties. Way behind at reading. But he just does not enjoy it. Despite me reading to him regularly, books in the house if interest to him. Because he struggles. He just does not want to read,messesabkuf when I try to get him to read the set books. He is I telling and dry quick on the market, butstruggkes because of his difficulties!ties with academics.

Meant, he is quick off the mark and quite intelligent, but struggles with academics

How have you married this person?! Being. Reader is a deal breaker for me.

He sounds like a prick

My SO is dyslexic but was never diagnosed at school. He was labelled, 'slow' (which he isn't) and put into the SEN class. He never reads fiction but he will read practical books and factual pones (history, economics, etc.) Reading is a real fight for him and he says how he hates it. I read a lot, mostly 18C and 19C novels, and he sends me links from gutenberg. If your DH resents you reading it might be he feels left out or unimportant to you. He might feel bad that he can't match you or resents feeling hesitant to interrupt you. Reading makes a massive life difference, though.

I'd rather my kids spend hours with their nose in a book than playing fortnite

My ex-husband never really read for pleasure and was consequently really slow. He would get really annoyed with me for reading, and because I read too quickly. Apparently I couldn't possibly be taking in the story! Our DD is a nightmare when it comes to reading, she is really good at it and loves me reading to her. I have to badger her though to get her to read independently.

My DP is completely different, he loves reading and we both encourage his and my DC's.

I’m a massive reader and always encourage my DC to read.
My eldest 3 were early readers, had loads of books available to them, and liked reading alone and with me. As the years have passed however, none of them read books for pleasure. My girls (19 & 15) will read one book on holiday but that’s it! DS1 (18) used to be the biggest reader of them all but as far as I’m aware hasn’t picked up a book since he was 15.
I’m trying to encourage my youngest 2 DS (4 & 5) to read - they love stories and are learning to read slowly, but I know now that reading is something that you either want to do or don’t. So I won’t sweat it. I know my eldest ones are missing out but I care far more than they do, sadly.

Sad that non reading for pleasure would be a dealbreaker for some, considering there may be many valid reasons why somebody does not like reading for pleasure. It does not float everyone's boat, but would not be the deciding factor for me in a relationship. it goes deeper than liking reading.

My DH and I have this argument discussion on a regular basis. He hates reading and finds it boring and pointless. I love it and would rather read than watch tv or watch movies etc. Our DCs are age 9 and 6 and I’ve only just convinced him that he needs to help with reading with them. He doesn’t see the point of even the school set books so I’ve done all of the reading and homework until now but have finally gotten him on board when I pointed out that both DCs are slightly behind with regard to reading age and that we really need to do it every single night. Unfortunately my husband is still of the opinion that reading is pointless and boring but I think the amount of tv he watches is boring and a waste of time so I guess we’re even.

Sad that non reading for pleasure would be a dealbreaker for some, considering there may be many valid reasons why somebody does not like reading for pleasure.

Why on earth do you find it 'sad'? Every time someone on Mn starts a thread about whether you would go out with a man who is shorter than you, fifty people bob up and bleat about how everyone is entitled to their tastes, and theirs just don't happen to include shorter men/blondes/men with tattoos etc etc.

The fact that there may be many reasons why someone does not read for pleasure wouldn't make the slightest difference to why I would not enter a relationship with that person. It's an absolutely fundamental incompatibility, whether they are dyslexic, uninterested, or 'too busy'.

Of course it’s a dealbreaker. So much knowledge and discovery of the world comes through books.

But it's not something you do with someone else anyway? Dh reads completely different books to.me, usually ones I'm not interested in reading. Why would it matter if he didn't read at all?

Of course it’s a dealbreaker. So much knowledge and discovery of the world comes through books.

It’s not the only way of finding out about the world though.