DH and reading for pleasure

[jalexander]

AIBU to not understand DH's opinion and TOTALLY disagree with it?

He hates reading. He can't take it in. Doesn't enjoy it. Never reads for pleasure.

Fair enough.

We were just discussing reading for pleasure as I love it and think it's actually really important.

It came to light that DP never encouraged his children to read. He would read their compulsory school set books with them and that was it. Neither him or his ExW encouraged reading for pleasure and none of his children ever read. I find this really sad.

DH doesn't understand why I think it's sad. He said he'd never force them to read for pleasure. He hates it and doesn't see the point.

He says he's a realist and far more grounded than me, stuck in my little fantasy worlds with a romanticised idea of the world. Ugh. He's being totally flippant and dismissive.

What do you think?

LTB that's pretty grim.

The Idiot is an odd book.

You'd have to define good tv and bad books, not sure you'd get anyone to agree...

I love Real Housewives of Beverly Hills which I think for many would epitomise bad TV, but I really dislike Martin Amis for example.

Yeah you can definitely do more character development in TV series than a 2 hour movie. But I find with those long US series, after a while they jump the shark and rather than going into more depth of character development the writers just think up new plot twists and turns to keep you hooked and it gets a bit repetitive.

I think I'm unusual because I actually loved The Idiot.

All the best shows these days start with an end in mind. When they plan the whole story in advance and limit themselves to roughly 5-6 seasons at most, they usually work out much better.

I'm a huge book worm as are my brothers. My mum used to have such a fight on her hands getting us out of books. My husband hates reading he falls asleep and doesn't understand the appeal.

However, he is so eager to encourage our ds to read even though he's not even 1! He wants him to have that imagination and play and part of his life - if he chooses that he doesn't like it that's fine but we both agree it's a big thing in a kids life to loose out on.

I’m pretty sure the reason why some people think I’m clever is because I hoovered up so much general knowledge through being encouraged to read so many books as a child and teenager. I agree with you, it is sad.

We don't read in our house at all. We have plenty of other hobbies. Not sure why you would find it 'incredibly sad' to not be interested in reading for pleasure?

Everyone is different. I'm sure you don't mean to but I'm afraid you do have an air of superiority in your tone

YANBU .. I read to my kids from when they were tiny ... they are now 18 and 21 and love reading .. best times I had were snuggled up reading .. you carry on OP . It doesn't matter if he doesn't read . My DP and my dad never read .. but they don't criticise my love of books 📚

CharlotteWebb I'm surprised to hear that you're not a reader. I assumed your username was from the children's book about the pig and the spider! Is it really not? Honestly not being goady- it's a genuine question!

Actually OP, I would have a bit of a problem with this. In fact, I felt the same with my ex-husband (although this is not the reason we split!!). I was studying for an English degree and then a PG qualification so for for years, the house was full of books ranging from any genre you could think of. I was also studying psychology so lots of non fiction books too. I had always loved reading but being in the world of academia allowed me to read certain books and see the world in completely different ways. To this day, many years later, there are certain poems and stories that did and continue to fundamentally change the way I look at life now.

When I finished studying it suddenly hit me that my husband at the time, had not EVER asked about any of the books I was reading, not once. No poetry, or classics, or modern literature, or scientific studies, absolutely nothing. It bothered me. He DID read occasionally but very, very little overall and it had to be the exact same type of book. I realise now that it bothered me because to me, he had closed off entire worlds. So yes, I get it.

And not encouraging children to read? Well, as a teacher I think parents who do not ever bother to read with their children (either listening to them, sharing a story, reading to them) who is able to do so (ie, no reading issues themselves) are neglectful. Any parent who thinks otherwise needs to look at the correlation between childhood illiteracy and the likelihood of entering the youth criminal system.

Reading a lot is strongly related to academic success. It's because you pick up vocabulary, general knowledge, and (usually) a sense of how to structure your own writing. I can understand that plenty of people don't particularly enjoy reading, and I think that's probably just part of their personality, and that's fine: however, they will lose out if they don't at least do some reading as children.

That didn't matter back in the days when children did a lot of reading in schools - but unfortunately in most schools these days they aren't likely to do much. And electronic devices mean even those who do enjoy reading do a lot less. It's all rather disheartening.

I read obsessively. Around 3 books a week. I never don't have a book with me - it's my biggest passion. My DH doesn't enjoy reading. It's fine.
I suppose he is a little more respectful of my point of view though, I often try to find books I think he'll enjoy as I get sad that he's missing out. I know I should let him be.

Well I hate reading!! Definitely wouldn't do it for pleasure! I'm quite smart (a PhD, in MENSA, an academic job etc..), but as a child teachers always gave the impression the more you read the smarter you are. If you didn't like reading for pleasure, especially fiction, you were seen as not going anywhere. I think that's awful!! And it had a negative impact on me :(

I'm encouraging my children to read, because when you can read you can access knowledge and thats super handy!

However, they don't need to be the kind of people who love reading or are avid fiction readers! They don't even need to like or enjoy it! Reading for pleasure wasn't for me and it needn't be for them. And it will not effect my opinion of them. I know they are kind, caring, healthy, bright and great people (That said, they do seem to like reading for pleasure!!! Have no idea where they got it from! But if they like it, great for them!)

:)

I kind of think - who cares! You like it - great! You partner doesn't like it - great!

Who gives a sausage! I really wouldn't give it so much thought OP :)

I have to thank my (quite toxic) mum for my love of reading. She always had her head in a book, although she wasn't very academic. And she always read to us at night.

My dad loved music, found reading difficult (which could be your partner's prob?). Not difficult in that he couldn't read or understand, but he just didn't see the need. Maybe your partner is one of those? My Dad was def where we got our intelligence from, but not where we got our love of reading from - those two out of four of us who did.

Because my sisters don't really read. So if you are worried about children loving books, well, all you can do is demonstrate. A 'non-reader' wouldn't be a deal-breaker for me unless he was using that status for some other reason, e.g. to control you.

Reading the rest of the thread, it is the arguing over it that is the problem. Neither my mum or my Dad saw her reading (or his music) as a problem. And my mum was a bit of a 'mare - but she must have liked having that time to herself!

I bloody hate football but still bought ds a strip and lessons. You do these things for your kids. I love reading but even if I didn’t I’d still encourage my kids to try it and buy them books.

LusaCole actually that's my name lol :)

For me and my family reading is the greatest pleasure. Life without books would be a half life at best for me.
As a teacher I found that children ,whose parents didn’t value reading, had a really hard time with huge sections of the curriculum.
A room without books isn’t furnished at all to me.

YANBU OP, it is sad.

I don't think anyone here apart from the ops dh has said they don't read to their children, so everyone can get rid of that bee in their bonnet for a start.

My DH never reads fiction. Reads a lot of history, biography and poitics though.

Basquiat
Maybe it equipped me to be able to discuss whether Prince Myshkin was merely a simpleton or a Christ-like figure, but is there inherently greater intellectual merit in that than the ability to discuss whether Walter White was a sociopath or just a desperate father with nothing to lose?

...a question that has been debated endlessly, chez moi.

I am sure folks of yore used to spill out of the Globe doing similar pondering.

Grrrr... I find it really patronising and superior when people say things like 'it's really sad X doesn't like reading'

It's not sad! It's just something they don't like! They are not sad about it. Just because people don't like everything you like, doesn't make them some kind of 'sad' case! Everyone is just different!!

I don't like reading (especially fiction), but it's not sad!!! I'm quite happy! I can read! I read a lot because I want I know the contents of what I read! But the fact I don't enjoy reading means I use other media a lot. When I lecture I appeal not only to those students who enjoy reading, but to those who are less keen - I include art, music, video, texture, colour, smell... it makes for a rich experience. I don't feel I miss out by not enjoying reading!!! I have plenty of other persists I enjoy!

I love jazz music - I don't think it's 'sad' that not everyone shares this passion! I like it, others don't, we are all different!!

Grrrrr... get over yourselves!

Pursuits! Not persists!!

TotHappy

"Good grief, this has blown up since last night! I'm surprised by the extreme defensiveness of those who don't like reading..."

I completely agree with RibbonAurora. If we are defensive it is the fact that we are presented as less imaginative, less intelligent, with poorer vocab etc than those who read for pleasure.

Reading for pleasure does not make you a superior person.

ThisIsTheFirstStep "italian well that's my point, as it's a new word, we don't really have a standard as yet" yes, I agree but apparently most new verbs are regular.

Shambu "But, being visual mediums they can bring the past or distant lands alive to people who can't imagine them, and introduce people to books they may never have considered reading."

Do you know some people do not have a 'mind's eye'? I never thought about it until I read about it on line. It is fascinating. But would certainly explain why reading some things might be harder or less interesting for some. If some people don't have a mind's eye then may be some have a less 'effective' mind's eye. That might mean reading fiction or perhaps anything would be harder for them. Just a thought.