Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH and reading for pleasure

369 replies

jalexander · 05/10/2018 22:57

AIBU to not understand DH's opinion and TOTALLY disagree with it?

He hates reading. He can't take it in. Doesn't enjoy it. Never reads for pleasure.

Fair enough.

We were just discussing reading for pleasure as I love it and think it's actually really important.

It came to light that DP never encouraged his children to read. He would read their compulsory school set books with them and that was it. Neither him or his ExW encouraged reading for pleasure and none of his children ever read. I find this really sad.

DH doesn't understand why I think it's sad. He said he'd never force them to read for pleasure. He hates it and doesn't see the point.

He says he's a realist and far more grounded than me, stuck in my little fantasy worlds with a romanticised idea of the world. Ugh. He's being totally flippant and dismissive.

What do you think?

OP posts:
umizoomi · 05/10/2018 23:05

He's an arse

QuickPollPlease · 05/10/2018 23:06

YANBU.

Don't understand people who don't read for pleasure!

HeddaGarbled · 05/10/2018 23:09

He’s attacking you because he felt attacked by you. This is an unnecessary argument.

RedPandaMama · 05/10/2018 23:09

This makes me so sad. Reading is fantastic and opens up so many new worlds. I spent my whole childhood with my head in a book, used to make a 'tent' under the duvet cover and stay up late with a torch secretly reading. Absolutely loved it.

I so rarely get the chance to read for pleasure now as any spare moments I do get I read my course texts (starting a masters) or relevant journals online.

I'm going to encourage my daughter to read as widely and as often as possible.

garethsouthgatesmrs · 05/10/2018 23:09

I would hate not to be stuck in my little fantasy worlds, thats the best thing about life, imagination.

I don't get not reading for pleasure but if you know he doesnt read then why would you expect him to have brought up his children to? They're all missing out big time though, as you know.

bionicnemonic · 05/10/2018 23:10

Perhaps reading is a struggle for him and it’s not pleasureable.? Perhaps he feels embarrassed and is belittling it by way of a defence mechanism?

bionicnemonic · 05/10/2018 23:11

Maybe look at ‘visual stress’ and coloured overlays

PurpleDaisies · 05/10/2018 23:17

He doesn’t enjoy reading. That’s fine.

I love reading myself but I wouldn’t judge someone who didn’t.

It’s a shame the children weren’t encouraged to read more but as long as they were made to do the school reading I don’t think it’s a disaster. How do you make a child read for pleasure? You can make them but you can’t make them enjoy it.

NonaGrey · 05/10/2018 23:17

I think it’s a shame he never learned to read for pleasure. Reading isn’t all about fantasy world anyway. There is plenty of pleasurable reading in histories, biographies and the wide wide world of non-fiction.

I think it’s a shame not to encourage your child to read just because you don’t enjoy it. After all there are plenty of sporty kids whose parents never exercise and musical kids whose parents can’t play.

Notanotheruser111 · 05/10/2018 23:18

I wonder if he had trouble learning. It would be a bit like being crap at an activity and being forced to participate everyday, you might eventually be competent but it would probably have so many bad memories that it’s not something you woul do for pleasure.

Thatstheendofmytether · 05/10/2018 23:20

Why would you give him such a hard time for not doing something he doesn't enjoy? Does he try and stop you reading?

IamtheDevilsAvocado · 05/10/2018 23:21

I would judge... Cos its giving kids wrong idea!!

I couldn't actually live with a man who didn't enjoy reading...we're both real reading nerds!

A literature graduate pal had an ex like this... Every time she would be reading he used to say... God you must be so bored to do that...
Eventually he was the bore as he had nothing interesting to say other than what the neighbours were doing...

RedDwarves · 05/10/2018 23:30

I agree with the person who said he's attacking you because you attacked him. He doesn't like reading. Not everyone does. That's fine. Not encouraging his children to read doesn't make him a negligent parent, which is what you've implied, and likely what he has concluded from what you've said.

How's this for a novel concept: there are likely more children who are not encouraged to read than there are who are. He is not in the minority.

Original poster
jalexander · 05/10/2018 23:33

@Thatstheendofmytether I wasn't giving him a hard time. Hmm

We were simply engaging in a discussion. Not arguing. No hard time.

I understand perfectly that he doesn't enjoy it. That's fine.

I enjoy it. He doesn't.

I don't enjoy a lot of things he enjoys. Fair enough.

I came to Mumsnet simply to open a discussion about what other people thought of reading for pleasure and part of me does find it slightly wrong that just because he doesn't enjoy reading, neither he or his Ex ever encouraged reading for pleasure amongst their children and I find that sad.

OP posts:
TheBlueDot · 05/10/2018 23:33

I’m not surprised he’s being flippant, you probably came across as a smug parent and attacking his parenting.

There’s nothing he can do to go back and read with his DC for pleasure. There’s no point in having an argument about whether reading is boring or not - you both have different views and there is no ‘right’ view

Pinkstars2501 · 05/10/2018 23:33

My husband doesn’t read really, aside from online news. I do, but I don’t care that he doesn’t.
Granted, we don’t have kids so it only impacts him, but I suppose if we did then it’d be me encouraging the reading for pleasure.

There’s plenty of stuff he enjoys that I don’t, each to there own.

continuallychargingmyphone · 05/10/2018 23:35

I love reading.

But I can understand why your DH reacted in the way he did. I think you were patronising to him.

Original poster
jalexander · 05/10/2018 23:35

@Thatstheendofmytether and yes, actually if I was being honest. He's really not keen on me reading.

OP posts:
AliceLutherNeeMorgan · 05/10/2018 23:35

This is an interesting take on it:

www.theguardian.com/books/booksblog/2017/dec/14/this-christmas-dont-give-books-to-non-readers

I’m an avid book-consumer and mother of a total bookworm but I agree with this (from the link above)

“it is tempting to buy books as presents to ‘fix’ people who don’t read – but this is snobbery of the worst kind”

Argonauts · 05/10/2018 23:36

How on earth does a reader marry someone who hates reading, never does it and belittles people who do???

Original poster
jalexander · 05/10/2018 23:37

@continuallychargingmyphone I suppose I get what you're saying but also, he's always inferring that he's smarter than me and even during our discussion tonight, he said, "I don't see how reading would have changed where I ended up in life and hey, look at you, didn't help you did it." Hmm

OP posts:
Original poster
jalexander · 05/10/2018 23:38

@Argonauts Honestly? I have no idea.

OP posts:
Original poster
jalexander · 05/10/2018 23:39

@AliceLutherNeeMorgan That's very true. I'd never buy a book for someone as a present if they didn't enjoy reading.

OP posts:
MrsTommyBanks · 05/10/2018 23:41

I'm an avid reader. Both my exHs were book dodgers.
But intelligent in other ways.

Original poster
jalexander · 05/10/2018 23:42

@RedDwarves Of course if doesn't make him negligent. He's a wonderful parent.

I totally agree that parents who encourage reading for pleasure are most likely a minority and I can't help but find that a little bit sad.

OP posts:
Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.