DH and reading for pleasure

[jalexander]

AIBU to not understand DH's opinion and TOTALLY disagree with it?

He hates reading. He can't take it in. Doesn't enjoy it. Never reads for pleasure.

Fair enough.

We were just discussing reading for pleasure as I love it and think it's actually really important.

It came to light that DP never encouraged his children to read. He would read their compulsory school set books with them and that was it. Neither him or his ExW encouraged reading for pleasure and none of his children ever read. I find this really sad.

DH doesn't understand why I think it's sad. He said he'd never force them to read for pleasure. He hates it and doesn't see the point.

He says he's a realist and far more grounded than me, stuck in my little fantasy worlds with a romanticised idea of the world. Ugh. He's being totally flippant and dismissive.

What do you think?

*it's so sad.

Ah there you go OP. IME DPs become jealous of something you are enjoying whilst with them but they cannot share. It becomes worse if you possibly laugh, cry or let out some other emotion. The non reader cannot understand how a reader becomes so consumed with something they cannot appreciate.

@JellieEllie No. Not at all. It means I totally disagree with his opinion and don't understand it. Just that. No deeper meaning. Not pissed off in the slightest. Seems a rather silly thing to be pissed off about.

He just sounds a bit thick tbh. I know plenty of people who have amazing maths’ skills but they still read.

Nowhere does the op say he can’t read, just that he doesn’t enjoy it.

Totally ignorant comment to equate being “thick” with not enjoying reading.

@elephantoverthehill I do get rather animated when I'm reading. I will cry and laugh out loud where appropriate. I can't help it.

However, they don't think it's good for me to get absorbed in these fantasy worlds. 
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There's nothing better than making a brew and getting curled up with a book to be transported into a fantasy world. To think it's not good for you is what I would be concerned about! If my partner told me it wasn't good for me I would be pissed off

God! Surely this is a massive storm in a teacup?! OP are you crazy hormonal by some chance?

Ok my apologies OP thanks for explaining, I felt like you were pissed off by it.

It has got me through good times and bad.
Educated me in things before experiencing them.
Opened up my mind to dream.
Explained things that confused me.
Boosted me up during tougher times
Increased my knowledge.
Expanded my world
Given me something in common with others.
Increased my vocabulary.

I cannot imagine a world without books. It saddens me the rest of my family do not share this love.

Apart from news sites and whatnot, I read out of necessity. Even then, I prefer it to be as concise as possible.

I’ve never enjoyed ‘a good book’. I’m suprised at how many people think it’s such an issue.

@PurpleDaisies Very true.

DH certainly can read. So can his children.

DH will read news articles online, nothing too long winded or anything but he can read fine.

He just doesn't enjoy reading for pleasure. Fiction is a big no for him.

He asked me to get him Jenson Buttons Autobiography for Christmas once as he's a big fan but he's only managed two chapters. He just can't enjoy reading for fun.

For him, as he explains it, the words are just words. If that makes sense.

"of course the bullies were all the sporty types"

Course they were!

@Jamiefraserskilt perfectly put. That's how I feel too.

You don't sound very suited to each other

I love reading, BTW. I'm not so blinkered as to think everyone should be the same as me.

@TatianaLarina He's not thick at all. He's incredibly intelligent in many ways.

I do think, however, that his opinion on reading for pleasure, simply because he doesn't enjoy it, is somewhat narrow minded; to be unable to comprehend the benefits.

@Whistlebustle what do you mean by hormonal? What's that got to do with it?

Do you think it irritates him that you aren't as good at maths?

jalexander I'm dyslexic and never was diagnosed etc at school. I found reading very hard, despite ending up doing a degree.

I must say that even the thought of reading a book has a negative feeling in me. My husband is an avid reader, I'd never try and stop him reading but I just do not share his passion.

Our dd is dyslexic and is only now as a teen getting interested in books. Our son is not dyslexic and is very bright. He likes reading and does it for pleasure.

I wonder if you really did not know how he felt or you did know? "We were just discussing reading for pleasure as I love it and think it's actually really important." If you knew that he doesn't think reading for pleasure is a good thing, what did you hope to achieve by the discussion? Or was this really the first time you found out.

I find it hard that people do not understand for some of us reading is not a pleasure. We cannot magically make it so.

"I totally agree that parents who encourage reading for pleasure are most likely a minority and I can't help but find that a little bit sad."

I find it sad that many things which I think are very important in life are not on everyone els's radar, but I recognise that we don;t all like the same things. I am not even sure how one can encourage reading for pleasure if children do not like it. You can make books available, join a library etc but the whole point of reading for pleasure if it is meant to be a pleasure. For those of us for whom it is not a pleasure, what do we do?

jalexander you've got a 3 month old and this is a non issue.

@JellieEllie I know what you mean.

It's difficult to explain. I do wonder if part of the problem is jealous; where he doesn't like sharing my time.

But also I appreciate that for a long time I used books as a form of escapism from reality to the point where perhaps on occasion I neglected both myself and real life. I have never done that since being with DH though, that was my through my teenage years when I was a complete mess and hated reality. Though I think DH and my Mum are always a bit scared that if I start reading lots again that I'll be the same as before.

Totally ignorant comment to equate being “thick” with not enjoying reading.

Reading is knowlege. It doesn't have to be fiction. Without knowledge you're poorly informed however intelligent you are.

Not reading anything is a total deal breaker for me, he wouldn't have got past the first date.

i think reading is so important.someone said on tv recently how there are prven studies now with the corilation of the lack of imagination,being ok being bored and further behavioural and finding ur own things to do attached the use of ipads instead of books.
books help with spelling.vocab.sentencing. imagination.character building and learning.
they can be supportive.help you build confidence.
they can teach kids new words.new ways of looking at things.
they can teach them about friendships.not to feel alone when reading about other struggles.
I cant imagine not having books in my life.
finding a good book is as good as any tv drama.
they can be a great comfort to children I think too.

TotHappy "Pity him and move on." yeah that's a really nice attitude in a marriage!

TatianaLarina the poster said her dd didn't read for pleasure, not she could not read.

*jalexander "... is somewhat narrow minded; to be unable to comprehend the benefits." But you seem to be narrow minded too in being so sure of the benefits. What else might people be doing when not reading, surely the things others do when not reading might have just as many benefits, or might have none at all. Plus you were not talking originally about the benefits but about reading for pleasure.

Why do you care what anyone thinks? I read loads, dh reads a bit, one dd reads a lot, one doesn't.

Maybe you go on about your intense fantasy life and your dh is bored with it?