DH and reading for pleasure

[jalexander]

AIBU to not understand DH's opinion and TOTALLY disagree with it?

He hates reading. He can't take it in. Doesn't enjoy it. Never reads for pleasure.

Fair enough.

We were just discussing reading for pleasure as I love it and think it's actually really important.

It came to light that DP never encouraged his children to read. He would read their compulsory school set books with them and that was it. Neither him or his ExW encouraged reading for pleasure and none of his children ever read. I find this really sad.

DH doesn't understand why I think it's sad. He said he'd never force them to read for pleasure. He hates it and doesn't see the point.

He says he's a realist and far more grounded than me, stuck in my little fantasy worlds with a romanticised idea of the world. Ugh. He's being totally flippant and dismissive.

What do you think?

@Whistlebustle Actually I do irritate him. Sometimes I struggle with things that he finds incredibly easy and he gets frustrated at me. Outside B n Q once he got so frustrated when I struggled to put the pram up after taking it out the car he called me a fucking retard. I got mad at him and he tried to say he was only joking but eventually admitted he was frustrated with me.

I know it's a non issue. It's not a problem between DH and myself. It was just something we had a casual chat about. As you say; a non issue. I've a relatively relaxed evening tonight I just wondered what good old mumsnet thought about reading for pleasure. I like a good debate.

@Italiangreyhound I totally agree. I didn't say I wasn't narrow minded. I'm obviously bias toward the benefits and pleasure gained from reading as I love it so much just as DH is but at the opposite end of the spectrum.

Well, the point of this got missed through pp infighting.
Good try though. There was a point to be made.

OK. I think reading for pleasure is fab if you enjoy reading for pleasure.

It doesn't make you superior to people who don't.

"It's difficult to explain. I do wonder if part of the problem is jealous; where he doesn't like sharing my time." If he resents your time reading that seems very unfair. But it sounded more like the argument was about him not appreciating reading, that is a different thing as long as you get to do what you want to do with your own free time.

Reading to and with children has been proven to have huge benefits to language acquisition and helps encourage profiency in reading later in life. It exposes them to new ideas, vocabulary and worlds and can help develop their individual interests. It’s a lovely bonding experience. Even if you choose not to read as an adult I think it’s very sad not to read with your children.

He may be intelligent OP but he can’t be very well informed if all he can muster is short news articles online.

Soundbites as news is one of the many reasons we’ve ended up with Brexit.

Not understanding the benefits of reading is not a very intelligent line.

@Italiangreyhound It wasn't an argument. Just a relaxed discussion where we both shared our differing view points. I also wondered what other people thought in reference to the discussion which was reading for pleasure.

You don’t have to love reading to be able to read. The op said the partner did do the reading set by school. There’s nothing to suggest the children can’t read, only that they don’t choose to do it for pleasure.

If you don't enjoy reading for pleasure it's infinitely less likely you're going to choose any career path that involves large quantities of reading textbooks. We choose and reach for jobs that give us pleasure where possible. If you don't like reading prose, why would you aspire to a path that involves huge amounts of it?

In the same way I never wanted to be a sports player, or be on a team, when I was younger because it wasn't pleasurable for me.

Well done OP for keeping chilled.

*OK. I think reading for pleasure is fab if you enjoy reading for pleasure.

It doesn't make you superior to people who don't.*

This. And I love reading.

No doubt reading is important but I don’t get the boasting and smugness some people have about it. Lots of people love reading, it doesn’t make you anything special.

Whistlebustle totally agree.

Also the word 'pleasure' here is so important. It's what you like. Sometimes you can change things sometimes you cannot.

I can read on the internet for HOURS! but give me a book and I doze off. It's a mental block. One of the lovely things I took from school career! I'm not proud of it but I'm not ashamed of it either.

"Actually I do irritate him. Sometimes I struggle with things that he finds incredibly easy and he gets frustrated at me. Outside B n Q once he got so frustrated when I struggled to put the pram up after taking it out the car he called me a fucking retard..."

I;d focus on this issue if I were you OP. He should not be irritated by you, he should not call anyone a 'retard', that's all not OK and to me much more of an issue than your not sharing a common interest in what is usually a solitary activity. IMHO. Off to bed, not with a good book!

So he’s flippant, dismissive, belittles you with guff about ‘fantasy worlds’ calls you a ‘fucking retard’. What first attracted you to this twat?

I agree with the OP. My husband is the same, refuses to pick up a book, although he appreciates the pleasure I get from reading. Unfortunately, although I have encouraged reading equally among my kids, my daughters enjoy it, but my son not so much.

"Even if you choose not to read as an adult I think it’s very sad not to read with your children."

I'm not sure anyone has suggested not reading with kids.

"It wasn't an argument." that's really good but his attitude to other things doesn't sound great, being irritated by you is not nice.

the poster said her dd didn't read for pleasure, not she could not read

No shit.

I don't see how reading would have changed where I ended up in life and hey, look at you, didn't help you did it

Not forgetting this little gem. He sounds very insecure OP.

TatianaLarina You said "She must have read factual books else how would she have got her education." But you are missing the point about pleasure. People who read to get a degree or pass a course or do a job are not reading for pleasure. That's what the OP is talking about.

He said he'd never force them to read for pleasure.

How do you "force" somebody to read for pleasure?
Never mind the question of Why would you want to force somebody to read??

Surely the word "pleasure" means it has to be something the participants wants to do and gains enjoyment from it?

Its kind of hard to force somebody to enjoy something they simply don't enjoy.

Maybe schools need to look more carefully at the books they issue. Some of reading books would bore you to tears.
If your kid has just been bored silly by a duff book, how do you purswade them to try a different book - this is better than the school book?
Kid - but .....

jalexander I must say as well that, it's hard to explain, but people who are really zealous about reading for pleasure tend to make people who do not like reading for pleasure feel even less like doing it.

I know some people just love books, the physical book in their hand, the smell of the paper etc etc. They love nosing round old book shops etc. I can kind of see why they might like it, but it leaves me cold. The nicest thing I ever read about books, is that books are friends. But for those of us who struggled at school it just is not true.

DS doesn;t enjoy reading for pleasure.. Never has despite seeing his father and I reading heavily his entire childhood. He is interested in reading when he wants to know facts and figures (does well on school for example) but the idea of reading something to relax for him doesnt work. He has a good imagination and no issue with getting silly into a fantasy world.. (well he is a teenager now but you know)

his 3 sisters all read heavily and loves it as a relaxation tool.. DS plays music to relax himself or listen to others..

We all do that too

I am not even sure how one can encourage reading for pleasure if children do not like it. You can make books available, join a library etc but the whole point of reading for pleasure if it is meant to be a pleasure. For those of us for whom it is not a pleasure, what do we do?

Exactly. I have 2 boys both had the same access to books and encouragement to read and the same schooling. The eldest loves reading and goes through piles of books. He didn’t read til he started school but once he started there was no stopping him. He has a book permanently glued to his hand.

The youngest doesn’t like it. We’ve tried everything and spent so much time and money trying to encourage it. He can read Ok but he’s nowhere near the standard of his brother. We asked his teacher for suggestions the other day and everything she suggested we have tried to no avail. If they don’t want to read and aren’t interested you can’t force them.

This Dept of Education report suggests that reading enjoyment is more important for educational success for children than socio-economic factors as well as having a positive impact on emotional development. I’m biased because reading to and with the dc was one of the highspots of when they were little. Now they’re giant teens, talking about books helps find common ground and continues to give pleasure. Plenty of people don’t read for pleasure and don’t miss it - but reading to your baby will be a real gift.
I once went out with someone who hated me reading and it drove me barmy - so you’re being very tolerant with the moodiness. Maybe it feels like they’re locked out of an inner world they can’t access when we get immersed in a book. That joy of being mentally elsewhere and unavailable for hours on end a while. Hope you find time and space to dive into a good read soon.

Govt report on reading

The poster said her DD didn’t like reading, I pointed out what she really meant was she didn’t like fiction.

If people really hated reading that much they wouldn’t do a degree that requires a lot of it.

BakedBeans47 how old is the younger one. My boy was 7 when he found the Beast Quest books and he loved them. And I must admit even I, who actually hates books (!!) quite liked reading with him. They really are good and well written.