Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think DH was being needlessly unkind

364 replies

dellacucina · 05/10/2018 15:09

DH and I are on holiday. Last night, we ordered some post dinner wines which we (apparently) were sharing as they were two different varieties. I was about to take a sip of my wine, which I probably would have had another couple of drinks from, when DH demanded another taste. He proceeded to down the whole thing.

I suggested we get another glass of this particular wine to share. He handed me his glass and said I could finish it. I said again we should order another glass of my wine to share. He responded that I didn't need any more. I asked what he meant and he said I was slurring my words and I drink too much. This was our third glass of wine, so I had had quite a lot but I don't think a crazy amount?

After more discussion, it was established that I wasn't slurring in the sense that my language was garbled, but I was enunciating slightly differently than usual. DH insisted again that I drink too much and mentioned a wedding we went to recently where I was quite drunk (a little obnoxious and somehow lost a shoe which I suspect fell out of my bag on the Tube). Then he went on about how I am nearly 40 and "it's not a good look."

I usually have one glass of wine every night (I buy single serving bottles to avoid overpouring) and I rarely go out. I probably get quite drunk once or twice a year at events like girls' nights.

Was it unreasonable of him to suck down the last of my wine?

Am I unreasonable to think he should not have jumped all over me about drinking in general? His attitude definitely wasn't one of concern.

OP posts:
HollowTalk · 05/10/2018 15:10

So he drank it all and said you were drunk?

He's a nasty, selfish piece of work.

Shoxfordian · 05/10/2018 15:11

He doesn't sound great. Is he usually this rude to you?

RuggerHug · 05/10/2018 15:12

He nicked your wine because he didn't like his one and managed to turn it into your fault? Twunt.

Aprilislonggone · 05/10/2018 15:12

Slip a laxative into his next drink, he goes back to your room, you stay at the bar and enjoy a peaceful glass /bottle to youself.

AnotherCareerThread · 05/10/2018 15:13

He sounds like he acting like a dick.

One glass of wine EVERY night is a lot.

Doesn't excuse his behaviour.

jay55 · 05/10/2018 15:14

He was badly behaved and rude.
You drink every single day?
And you can’t buy a large bottle and put a stopper in it?
Maybe he is worried about your drinking.

TokyoSushi · 05/10/2018 15:17

Yes he was rude, but drinking every single day is a lot? Is there more to it than you might like to admit?

TenForward82 · 05/10/2018 15:17

He sounds like an ass more worried about how you look to other people (and therefore how it reflects on him) than anything else. If he thinks you have an issue with drink now was not the time to bring it up.

Original poster
dellacucina · 05/10/2018 15:19

Jay55: I have a glass of wine most days. Not literally every day.

If I had a bottle and put a stopper in it I would probably drink it over about 3 days.

I think it's possible he thinks I drink too much, but if he is sincerely worried that I have a problem, wouldn't it be kinder to tell me this rather than humiliate and shame me on the penultimate day of our holiday?

OP posts:
Original poster
dellacucina · 05/10/2018 15:21

*kinder to tell me this in a different context where he is highlighting his concern

OP posts:
cariadlet · 05/10/2018 15:22

He was rude and overbearing, but it could come from a good place. He might be worried about your drinking and doesn't know how to approach it.

It doesn't matter if it's only one drink that you have every night - drinking every night is bad for your health and suggests dependency.

If you are buying single serving bottles it suggests that you might not be able to self-limit which again suggests dependency (plus it's probably ridiculously expensive and must use a wasteful amount of glass).

You say that you don't get drunk often, but admit that last time you got drunk you were "a little obnoxious". As it's impossible to truly see what we're like when we're drunk (speaking from experience - I was a stupid drinker in my late teens and my twenties)), then a sober person would probably have viewed you as being more than just "a little obnoxious"

Sounds like you and your dh need to cool down and have a calm discussion about your drinking. Try to listen to each other, try not to take comments personally and try to agree a way forward.

ThisIsTheFirstStep · 05/10/2018 15:22

Kind of hard to say without more information, maybe he's worried about your drinking, maybe he was being a dick.

DuchessThingy · 05/10/2018 15:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
dellacucina · 05/10/2018 15:26

At the wedding, at the very, very end of the night I was quite drunk and slightly insensitive to a childless woman. Not intentionally, but I was talking about how lovely my daughter is when I know she is concerned about whether she will have a baby. That was the obnoxious behaviour DH told me about. I don't think I did anything else that was unseemly, other than just being obviously a bit drunk

OP posts:
Original poster
dellacucina · 05/10/2018 15:28

Basically I know that I like drinking a bit too much and I generally keep it under good control. Sometimes at an event where the alcohol flows endlessly, I drink a little too much. I don't really do anything terrible, just talk too loudly and am a bit stupid.

OP posts:
YeTalkShiteHen · 05/10/2018 15:31

While I think the way he spoke to you was awful, disrespectful and unkind and I am in no way condoning it, this comment from you worried me, a lot.

Basically I know that I like drinking a bit too much and I generally keep it under good control. Sometimes at an event where the alcohol flows endlessly, I drink a little too much.

It sounds awfully like minimisation to me. Would you be open to seeking some help for your drinking?

Hoppinggreen · 05/10/2018 15:34

della from your last post it sounds like alcohol may be a bit of a problem for you, however your DH was being a bit rude

AnnieAnoniMouse · 05/10/2018 15:36

Whether you have a (low level) problem with alcohol or not, his behaviour was selfish & nasty. Absolutely NO need for it. IF he’s genuinely worried, a conversation once you were back home would have been far more appropriate. I’d be questioning why he was being so selfish & nasty.

Juells · 05/10/2018 15:39

I think those small wine bottles have two glasses, not one. So if you drink it in one go you're having two glasses a night, same as if you bought a standard bottle and drank over three nights. That's a lot for your liver...

ravenmum · 05/10/2018 15:39

If, when we went to an event, my partner got drunk and started talking loudly and acting stupidly, I'd be pretty mortified.

But you ordered the wine together, what did he think you were going to do with it?

crimsonlake · 05/10/2018 15:40

He behaved like a prat, but one minute you say you drink every day, then another most days. Which is it?

Storm4star · 05/10/2018 15:42

However much OP is drinking, it doesn't excuse her DH treating her like a child! So what if she wants to get drunk a couple of times a year? She's a grown up woman. It's her choice. Likewise if she wants a mini bottle of wine some nights. Her choice.

Her DH is within his rights to express concern. He is within his rights to not like it. He is not within his rights to basically snatch her glass away and proceed to tell her off!

OP, you said a small bottle most nights. So would you say maybe 5 out of 7 nights? That's around 10 units a week. Within government guidelines. So yes, I think he's unreasonable.

Original poster
dellacucina · 05/10/2018 15:43

It's most days. Sometimes I have a mug of herbal tea instead.

I am quite certain I wasn't loud and dumb until literally the end of the night as dancing was ending.

OP posts:
GreatDuckCookery6211 · 05/10/2018 15:43

I can see why he's concerned tbh OP. Losing a shoe on a night?!

Tinty · 05/10/2018 15:44

OP Just a question, if your DH was worried about you drinking too much, how come you could drink his glass of wine but not order another one of the one you (and obviously he) liked?

So he didn't want you to order another glass of wine, just to drink the one he didn't like!

That doesn't sound like someone who is worried about you drinking too much, just that he wanted yours not his!