To think DH was being needlessly unkind

[dellacucina]

DH and I are on holiday. Last night, we ordered some post dinner wines which we (apparently) were sharing as they were two different varieties. I was about to take a sip of my wine, which I probably would have had another couple of drinks from, when DH demanded another taste. He proceeded to down the whole thing.

I suggested we get another glass of this particular wine to share. He handed me his glass and said I could finish it. I said again we should order another glass of my wine to share. He responded that I didn't need any more. I asked what he meant and he said I was slurring my words and I drink too much. This was our third glass of wine, so I had had quite a lot but I don't think a crazy amount?

After more discussion, it was established that I wasn't slurring in the sense that my language was garbled, but I was enunciating slightly differently than usual. DH insisted again that I drink too much and mentioned a wedding we went to recently where I was quite drunk (a little obnoxious and somehow lost a shoe which I suspect fell out of my bag on the Tube). Then he went on about how I am nearly 40 and "it's not a good look."

I usually have one glass of wine every night (I buy single serving bottles to avoid overpouring) and I rarely go out. I probably get quite drunk once or twice a year at events like girls' nights.

Was it unreasonable of him to suck down the last of my wine?

Am I unreasonable to think he should not have jumped all over me about drinking in general? His attitude definitely wasn't one of concern.

He was rude on several accounts. Rude to drink the last of the wine and not share. Rude to talk to you like that too

mentioned a wedding we went to recently where I was quite drunk (a little obnoxious and somehow lost a shoe which I suspect fell out of my bag on the Tube). Then he went on about how I am nearly 40 and "it's not a good look.

^I am inclined to agree with him. Getting drunk at events when you know you turn into a bit of a dick is not nice. I imagine he is not the only one to have noticed this and perhaps he is fed up of being embarrassed by you at eventsz

Fucking hell, only on mumsnet would the OP have a “problem with alcohol”...

Agree, someone even said she had to ask her gp for help.

Hi doctor, I drink one or two small glasses of wine most evenings, I'm probably at the min safe limit or there abouts. And I spread it throughout the week so don't binge my units either, I probably get bladdered about once a year. Could you help me please as some random on mumsnet thinks I'm a right Alkie that needs medical intervention.

Yup that'll work,,,

@Duchess I was just going to say the same! Woman has single glass of wine most night and occasionally has more on a special occasion - shock horror!

MN is literally the only place I can think of where this would be pounced on as problem drinking.

OP, your H is a complete dick, sounds like he was drunk and vicious with it.

I imagine he is not the only one to have noticed this and perhaps he is fed up of being embarrassed by you at eventsz

Wow. Just wow.

Haha @Bluntness100 I can just see the GP's face!

I think I borderline have an issue with alcohol. I drink a bit more when I am upset. I use it to de-stress

OP said this herself, just for all those laughing about it.

If he really thought that you have an issue with alcohol md that you had drunk too much, then he should

• not have agreed to order another glass and stopped with you.
• certainly not have proposed his glass of wine instead!!

I think he liked your wine but didn’t like his so just drunk yours and then looked for a reason to explain why it’s normal he had and it was all about ‘been worried about you’.

Next time, order your glass and leave him drinking his.

Whether you are drinking too much or not is another issue.

And yes he was been a dick.

@Hen

The op thinks she has a drink problem because her dick DP is gaslighting her into thinking so, and the Mumsnet Sobriety Party is out in full force, telling her she’s a raging lush because she has a glass of wine with dinner.

It’s bobbins all of it.

TheSheepofWallSt I don’t think her husband is right, nor do I think he had any right to speak to her the way he did.

However, using alcohol when you’re upset or to de stress is a concern, or it should be.

OP said this herself, just for all those laughing about it

Possibly because folks keep telling her she has, inc her husband.

The fact of thr matter is she's as compliant as it gets with medical advice. She doesn't binge drink, she spreads her units throughout the week and is probably there or there abouts in terms of hitting the min safe amount. She gets plastered once or twice a year.

There is no issue there. None at all and folks need to stop telling her she has one, be they randoms on here or her bloody husband.

By the sounds of it you both drink too much.

Your husband sounds unkind.

@Hen

I’m sorry but by that logic, most alcohol consumption is problematic. How many of us have a glass of wine at the end of the day to switch off “work” “mum” “shit husband placating” mode ?

A lot. And if the OP said she was getting wrecked to depress, I’d agree.
One glass to take the edge off? It’s not even slightly an issue, in the real world.

When I was with my ex I went to see the alcohol worker at my GP's surgery as I was concerned I was drinking more than I should, and I was drinking a lot more than the OP. She advised me that my drinking was not a major issue and fairly quickly realised that the problem was my relationship! She was right.

The GP is not going to be interested in someone who is drinking within the guidelines! I suspect it's OP's partner that is making her want a drink.

OP you may want to have a good think about the real issue is here. Is it alcohol or is your DH?

TheSheepofWallSt fair enough. I’m teetotal, because I found myself using it when I was stressed, one glass became two and so on.

I also have family who have been majorly affected by alcohol and live in an area ravaged by alcohol abuse so I’m not the most impartial observer.

De stress, not depress.

I’m off to pour a glass of wine while I make dinner- because it’s friday and to distress because I just found out I have a precancerous cervix.

The problem in the above, btw, isn’t the wine- the problem is the HPV that’s rotting my cervix.

TheSheepofWallSt I’m sorry you’ve had such crap news.

@hen

Thanks. Sorry I’m being blunt. Have a “real world” nark on. (I mean what I said but would have said it less aggressively).

I would call that drinking a problem.

It's the having some most days thats the issue, it implies dependency even though one glass of wine isn't harmful in itself. It implies you struggle to get through a day without knowing there is wine as your 'reward' 'relaxation' or however you look at it.

I'd try to cut down to weekends only drinking. If you feel you can't do that, or are annoyed at the suggestion, you have a problem.

Ignore the baby boomer middle class alcoholics trying to normalise abnormal behaviour

TheSheepofWallSt don’t worry about it, I’m not also, you’re entitled to be blunt today!

I realise I’m projecting too, so you have made me realise that. I have (had) an unhealthy relationship with alcohol, so probably see it more than I should iyswim?

Anyway, I hope your evening improves and that you enjoy your well deserved wine

Ignore the baby boomer middle class alcoholics trying to normalise abnormal behaviour

This.

TheSheepofWallSt:

Your DP sounds like an arse, if he has concerns about your drinking he isn't raising them in the right way or at the right time.
If you want to look at drinking less for yourself, no one else, have a look at the Sober for October thread on 90 days.