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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think DH was being needlessly unkind

364 replies

dellacucina · 05/10/2018 15:09

DH and I are on holiday. Last night, we ordered some post dinner wines which we (apparently) were sharing as they were two different varieties. I was about to take a sip of my wine, which I probably would have had another couple of drinks from, when DH demanded another taste. He proceeded to down the whole thing.

I suggested we get another glass of this particular wine to share. He handed me his glass and said I could finish it. I said again we should order another glass of my wine to share. He responded that I didn't need any more. I asked what he meant and he said I was slurring my words and I drink too much. This was our third glass of wine, so I had had quite a lot but I don't think a crazy amount?

After more discussion, it was established that I wasn't slurring in the sense that my language was garbled, but I was enunciating slightly differently than usual. DH insisted again that I drink too much and mentioned a wedding we went to recently where I was quite drunk (a little obnoxious and somehow lost a shoe which I suspect fell out of my bag on the Tube). Then he went on about how I am nearly 40 and "it's not a good look."

I usually have one glass of wine every night (I buy single serving bottles to avoid overpouring) and I rarely go out. I probably get quite drunk once or twice a year at events like girls' nights.

Was it unreasonable of him to suck down the last of my wine?

Am I unreasonable to think he should not have jumped all over me about drinking in general? His attitude definitely wasn't one of concern.

OP posts:
cookiesandchocolate · 05/10/2018 20:21

My OP never once questioned my drinking even when it got a bit OTT (think half a bottle a night) he has always supported me and my decisions. I now drink once every couple of weeks m, around half a bottle of wine. That's my limit.

I hate men that think they can decide how much to have or not

Banamara · 05/10/2018 20:23

Now I'm going to open a bottle and I will not be sharing a glass of it with anyone.

Think of the transfer of oral bacteria that I will avoid.

cookiesandchocolate · 05/10/2018 20:30

Oh I would also not consider the amount you drink each day but rather how many units a week. One glass of 187mls (a small bottle) is about 2/2.5 units- so about 17 units a week if you drink one a night.

That is over the guidelines but I would ensure that you try to have 2 consecutive dry days a week to let your liver properly recover, I've heard from medical professionals that this is v important

Alpacanorange · 05/10/2018 20:34

Just stop drinking wine every night. No good will come of it, besides he can’t then drink yours.

Justanothermile · 05/10/2018 20:38

Isn't this thread about her DH and his behaviour, rather than a judgement about her alcohol consumption?

There's a lot of judgement of the OP herself, very supportive....Hmm

costacoffeecup · 05/10/2018 21:09

Came on to say it sounded like op was drinking pretty much exactly how the guidelines advise but I see @Bluntness100 had beaten me to it.

TheDarkPassenger · 05/10/2018 21:25

My partner is an ex alcoholic and I acted like this around him when he was drinking too. It’s fucking difficult and I think your partner is worried tbh

hotsouple · 05/10/2018 21:26

I used to have an emotionally abusive ex, who would push alcohol on me and then get mad when I got drunk and couldn't do anything about it. It's fucked up behavior and it's a weird tactic. They need to have something to be mad at you about, and they can easily create that problem all while seeming fun loving and lowering your ability to argue back or emotionally process what he's going to say.

Bluntness100 · 05/10/2018 21:29

Agree, the husband is a dick. He is being abusive to the op.

And all some folks can do is tell her she's an alcoholic because she has a glass of wine or so a night.

The friggen mind boggles it really does.

dellacucina · 05/10/2018 21:34

TheDarkPassenger: I'm not clear on what you're saying. Could you explain?

OP posts:
DuchessThingy · 05/10/2018 21:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

EvaHarknessRose · 05/10/2018 21:45

If it’s not a problem, stop for a bit and see if it improves anything. Then you can deal with your relationship problems without alcohol clouding it either way (being an issue, or being blamed).

Justanothermile · 05/10/2018 21:45

Yep. Agreed.

Justanothermile · 05/10/2018 21:46

Duchess, agreed, that is.

ilovegin112 · 05/10/2018 21:59

I think we all agree the dh is an arse but new reports are saying if you drink 1 1/2 to 2 glasses a night you should be getting your liver tested,

Mind you this is mn where somebody drinking a can of cider a night would be awful and a drunk but a mum having half a bottle of wine 5 times a week is just fine and dandy

Havabiscuit · 05/10/2018 22:07

I think it sounds like you drink a bit over the recommended amount. The fact your Dh has mentioned it is also a red flag for problem drinking.

www.nhs.uk/conditions/alcohol-misuse/

DuchessThingy · 05/10/2018 22:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LethalWhite · 05/10/2018 22:26

Duchess - I think that people are generally saying it sounds like DH is a dick AND you may have a problem with alcohol.

They don’t have to be mutually exclusive

DuchessThingy · 05/10/2018 22:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LethalWhite · 05/10/2018 22:49

Well why don’t you read some fine posts explaining why drinking everyday could be a sign on an alcohol problem?

No one deciding the DHs behaviour - OP herself has said he can be controlling. He’s been a complete cunt, she is not unreasonable to think so.

But the OP doesn’t sound like she’s in a good place herself. Shall we just ignore that and hope it will go away/won’t turn into a bigger problem? It’s in the OPs interest to address this if it is a problem, it’s not ‘disgusting’ to mention it.

Most of the posts have been kind and supportive. It’s hardly been OP receiving a booting while her husband has been applauded, has it?

LethalWhite · 05/10/2018 22:53

Deciding =denying

DuchessThingy · 05/10/2018 23:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

dellacucina · 05/10/2018 23:45

Further update: I have just let DH choose all the meals and drinks tonight. He seems content. there has been no mention of his behaviour last night other than my saying this morning that he is a mean and nasty man.

OP posts:
TheSheepofWallSt · 05/10/2018 23:48

@dellacucina

What a shit way to live. For you. Am sure he’s living his best life. Dick head.

PurpleTigerLove · 05/10/2018 23:49

He sounds worried about you .

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