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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask if you think I have upset my DS's flute teacher?

196 replies

MrsKnickers12 · 04/10/2018 18:26

I work in a primary school and my DS is in year 3 (same school).

My DS's flute teacher visits our school on aTuesday, Wednesday and Thursday afternoon. She sees DS after school on a Tuesday (at 3:20) for a private lesson and I pay her cash weekly.

There have been a couple of occasions where DS has forgotten his Flute and music, but has still had his lesson as she has a spare instrument and music.

I didn't have any money on Tuesday, so I apologised and said I would bring it on tomorrow (Wednesday). I forgot again and said I would bring it in on Thursday (today) and as I finish early would leave the money at the school reception.

I forgot again! She sent me a text earlier saying they couldn't find my money at reception and I replied saying sorry, I'd had a really busy week and would pay double next week if that's ok?

She normally responds straight away to text messages and there has been no response. I am now worried that she is fed up with us (I'm pretty disorganised and DS doesn't do much practise).

Am I over-reacting or do you think she's going to dump us? I feel really worried about this!

OP posts:

HellenaHandbasket · 05/10/2018 09:56

Thos who get in a flap about cash...just do it once and store. For a while I was paying over £200 a month for various classes so would just tally it up, get it all out at once and then I knew I had it and it was budgeted for.

SwanConvoy · 05/10/2018 10:15

Honestly don't try and talk her round - you will just irritate her even more as she may find it difficult to say no to your face and then just feel increasingly resentful towards you.

Take it on the chin and learn from it. Give her the money the next time you see her and offer a proper apology with no strings attached (she will see straight through any apology which is linked to trying to get her to change her mind).

At best you can say, 'if you do ever have availability again please let me know as we would love to continue the lessons.' Then leave it at that.

allthgoodusernamesaretaken · 05/10/2018 10:24

OP, I think you were in the wrong, but I also think some people on this thread have been giving you a bit of a hard time. I think failing to make payment promptly probably gave her a message that you didn't take seriously and may have come across as rather disrespectful

I would be a bit suspicious of someone who insists on being paid cash instead of bank transfer or standing order. Most likely she's not declaring the income

I agree with PP that a proper apology with no strings attached would be appropriate, make payment for the classes & then move on. I wouldn't rush to arrange a new teacher either. It doesn't sound as if your son is very interested in learning the instrument

ShadyLady53 · 05/10/2018 10:35

Oh...you are one of those parents. She’s absolutely done the right thing by deciding to prioritise other things above a) a parent who doesn’t have the respect to pay her on time or ensure the child brings his equipment and b) a child who doesn’t practice or remember his equipment.

You are doing your son no favours by allowing him to act as entitled as you by wasting his teacher’s time by showing up without having practiced or having his instrument and music. You have no right to comment that she doesn’t “need” the money or to judge her financial situation. You do realise any money she is paid has to cover her across the rest of the year (ie school holidays) if she is mainly school based? Then she’ll also have petrol, liability insurance, cpd, equipment etc to cover her? Most music services don’t pay that well and things like photocopying are not covered.

You clearly think she owes your son a place. She doesn’t. You can’t sweet talk your way around everything! You don’t pay the woman. Your son repeatedly turns up at lessons completely unprepared. It’s not ditzy or endearing - it’s extremely rude.

I’m about to cut an arts related after school club from a school because of parents like you. It costs £2.50 a session...a bargain for after school club. The reason I’m cutting it is because parents don’t pay. For Autumn term the entire cost was £27.50 and we asked for it upfront to be paid by the end of the second week. We were chasing up, on average 5 parents per session. Even now there are parents who haven’t paid for a single session. About 10 parents paid the incorrect amount. Many forgot 50p which seems like nothing but when you’ve got 10 parents doing that, as regularly happens, it’s £5 a session that we are short. Others, when paying up front, paid £25, £2.50 short. Again, it all adds up. And then there are all the parents that signed their kids up before the summer holidays for the September start, took up a space and never turned up or paid. Most of the people on the reserve list had already paid for alternative childcare by mid September so there are several places not filled.

The first two letters and follow up emails were clear as day. But parents still didn’t pay or paid the wrong amount. In fact only one parent followed the correct instructions! Others text or emailed asking for our bank details and never transferred the money, repeatedly saying things like “I forgot lol! Promise I’ll do it tomorrow x She loves the club by the way!”

And the kids do love it, but because of this behaviour we aren’t making a profit, we are running at a loss. So it’s the kids, sadly who will suffer.

If your son is upset, sorry to say the responsibility lies firmly at your own door. I suggest you don’t sign your kids up for any other activities until you learn basic respect for other people.

And I do hope you remember to pay for the session you’ve so far had for free, even though the teacher will no longer be offering lessons to your child.

CoalTit · 05/10/2018 10:37

I've had to deal with too many people like you, OP, and I predict you will carry on a bit more or even a lot more, if you're very bored - about how bad you feel. And you will never pay her what you owe her.

AlexanderHamilton · 05/10/2018 10:40

I have a friend who is a flute teacher, dh is a singing teacher and I used to run drama classes adn I dn;t think the OP is taking the mickey.

I used to find it a right pain to pay my son's dance teacher & English tutor cash every week for his private lessons. I used to have to go to cashpoint especially (not easy now they have closed all the local banks).

Paying by cheque or bank transfer is much easier.

Many teachers insist on a month or a trm up front and I woulod have no problem with that. I would offer to post a cheque or by the outstanding money by banks transfer and if that is refused I would look into getting another teacher.

Rory786 · 05/10/2018 10:41

OP, (I mean this in the nicest possible way) how do you manage at your job? You work in a school, if you are a teacher, T.A, cleaner, caretaker, dinner lady there is a lot of responsibility and management.

Just curious.

P.S Im sure the flute teacher will be mollified by your change in behaviour.

Coffeepot72 · 05/10/2018 11:28

I'm waiting for the OP to start a new thread entitled "AIBU to be mad at the teacher who binned me for non payment." Note to self: never become a self employed music teacher.

MarshaBradyo · 05/10/2018 11:39

The first condition I had to S/E is that people paid me on time and I didn’t have to chase it

I cannot engage with people that bring any frustration otherwise forget it

Taylia · 05/10/2018 12:09

Leave what you owe her at the school desk so she doesn’t have to deal with you then leave her alone. Poor woman.

It’s actually your son who’s lost out here. Let’s hope you don’t flake on something he really cares about.

Onecutefox · 05/10/2018 17:07

I would offer to post a cheque or by the outstanding money by banks transfer and if that is refused I would look into getting another teacher.

Alexander, I was looking for a tutor for my DS. Three wanted to teach at weekends and would take cash only. I don't have a problem with having a tutor at weekend but I think they should be more flexible with payment.
I have found a tutor who would accept cheques and I am going to ask her if she would be ok with the bank transfer so she wouldn't need to go to the bank.

DoubleNegativePanda · 05/10/2018 17:15

Yeah, I think she's probably annoyed. Offer a bank transfer and profuse apologies.

Do not, as someone above advised, leave the flute in the boot of the car to avoid forgetting it! My daughter plays flute and piccolo and they are very vulnerable instruments. The temperature fluctuations can wreck the pads and the humidity will tarnish it terribly. The case is not meant to be environmental protection to that degree.

DoubleNegativePanda · 05/10/2018 17:18

Hadn't read the whole thread and just saw she's terminated lessons. Don't try to talk her round, that'll just annoy her. Pay her what you owe her and find a new teacher.

I'm a forgetful person as well, and can easily imagine myself in your situation. But a lot of people have very low tolerance for being jerked around and it sounds like she's one of them. She's given a boundary, so respect it.

ButchyRestingFace · 10/10/2018 08:39

Up until now we had a good rapport. I think I can fix this and talk her around.

Don't embarrass yourself and her by trying this.

PorkFlute · 10/10/2018 09:18

Oooh since this has been resurrected...Did you manage to talk her round op?

MrsKnickers123 · 10/10/2018 16:29

Yep talked her around all good

PorkFlute · 10/10/2018 16:31

😂

JamieVardysHavingAParty · 10/10/2018 16:53

Have you actually paid her what you owe her as well?

ButchyRestingFace · 10/10/2018 17:24

Yep talked her around all good

I hope you gave her some .

Frogscotch7 · 10/10/2018 17:42

More fool her.

LittleBookofCalm · 11/10/2018 10:26

i spect she wants cash so she doesnt have to declare earnings

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