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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask if you think I have upset my DS's flute teacher?

196 replies

MrsKnickers12 · 04/10/2018 18:26

I work in a primary school and my DS is in year 3 (same school).

My DS's flute teacher visits our school on aTuesday, Wednesday and Thursday afternoon. She sees DS after school on a Tuesday (at 3:20) for a private lesson and I pay her cash weekly.

There have been a couple of occasions where DS has forgotten his Flute and music, but has still had his lesson as she has a spare instrument and music.

I didn't have any money on Tuesday, so I apologised and said I would bring it on tomorrow (Wednesday). I forgot again and said I would bring it in on Thursday (today) and as I finish early would leave the money at the school reception.

I forgot again! She sent me a text earlier saying they couldn't find my money at reception and I replied saying sorry, I'd had a really busy week and would pay double next week if that's ok?

She normally responds straight away to text messages and there has been no response. I am now worried that she is fed up with us (I'm pretty disorganised and DS doesn't do much practise).

Am I over-reacting or do you think she's going to dump us? I feel really worried about this!

OP posts:
cookiesandchocolate · 04/10/2018 21:16

Well she can choose cash but I would be wondering why over a bank transfer.

It is a total faff getting cash out for me. Much easier to do a bank transfer.

I can pay on card or use cash at a supermarket. 2 options at least.

I think she's unreasonable expecting cash. Unless she's discounting the lessons. In which case YABU. Just transfer to her

Blackoutblinds · 04/10/2018 21:16

I’ve been in situations when my cash in an envelope but taxed job put food on the table.

Yabbers · 04/10/2018 21:16

You don’t think she is doing it because she needs the money? You think she teaches your son just for fun? She certainly wouldn’t be the first music teacher to need to take a second job to make ends meet. But it’s not just about the money. As a one off she would probably be fine, but basically, I’m forgetting his flute all the time, and not getting him to practise, and then forgetting to pay you are saying your life is more important than hers.

cookiesandchocolate · 04/10/2018 21:17

If she was in THAT dire a need, she could ask for a bank transfer before Tuesday. And not wait for her cash which she clearly wants as she isn't declaring

Original poster
MrsKnickers12 · 04/10/2018 21:18

Yes she is discounting the lessons - if I pay cash it's cheaper. I am not sure why she won't accept bank transfer, she said something about not being comfortable giving out bank details

OP posts:
Blackoutblinds · 04/10/2018 21:19

If she’s already in her overdraft then a bank transfer won’t help her. I’ve had periods when I’ve been in my overdraft and even over it and depended on a job where I got cash in an envelope every Friday to feed us at the weekend. But I paid tax on the job I just needed the cash.

cookiesandchocolate · 04/10/2018 21:19

Tbf if the lessons are discounted then I would feel very cheeky and make sure I have the cash.

I do this with my beauty therapist friend and always have cash. If you were paying full price then I would say she is being unreasonable for not accepting transfers but as it's discounted then I do think you should be more organised with payment

BootsMagoots · 04/10/2018 21:20

Actually, she could be in a situation where a bank transfer would be eaten up if she's over her overdraft etc and she won't see a penny of it. I've been there too. Luckily not anymore.

Bluntness100 · 04/10/2018 21:20

It doesn't matter why she doesn't want a bank transfer, she could be living in her over draft, who knows.

The point is you make a commitment, you buy a service, you pay for it, you don't stiff folks. It's not nice.

Original poster
MrsKnickers12 · 04/10/2018 21:21

I am not suggesting she doesn't need the money. Just saying it is on top of her day job. Of course I don't think she teaches my son just for the fun of it. As a PP said, if she really needed the money she would accept a bank transfer

OP posts:
knittingdad · 04/10/2018 21:21

This is a perennial problem for music teachers. I know many who insist on payment in advance.

What happens if you forget next week? How will she know you're not trying to defraud her?

I think you need to make a special effort to get the outstanding payment to her as soon as possible so that she knows that making the payment is important to you by your actions. Words won't do.

Blackoutblinds · 04/10/2018 21:22

Many people have explained why she could legitimately want cash.

Jinglesplodge · 04/10/2018 21:24

Cookies, you have a real bee in your bonnet about not declaring the cash.

It could well be that, as a music service teacher, she's not meant to be doing private teaching on school premises. If she's doing the lessons as a favour to the OP who works at the school she may want to avoid having it documented so she doesn't get in trouble.

Original poster
MrsKnickers12 · 04/10/2018 21:25

I don't have any problem paying her cash. I appreciate the discount and will make an effort to pay her on time.

I've already stated that I cannot get the payment to her sooner and reasons why

OP posts:
MrsDesireeCarthorse · 04/10/2018 21:26

Jesus Christ, OP, you just don't seem to hear how unbelievably arrogant you sound.

She fitted your son in as a favour.
She lets him have a lesson even when he forgets his flute as a favour.
She gives you a discount as a favour.

And in return, you blithely announce I don't think she will have trouble paying her mortgage or will go hungry because I've forgotten to pay for a music lesson a couple of times.

When I was a tutor, a parent didn't have the money a couple of times and I had to borrow money from my sister because I couldn't face telling the parent that my husband was unemployed and that £30 was our food money. But even if she's fine, and she probably is, your attitude to inconveniencing someone who has done so many favours for you is horrible! The arrogance!

Jinglesplodge · 04/10/2018 21:26

She could ask for payment in buttons or cheese for all the business it is of ours. OP's options are to accept that arrangement, take the lessons as agreed and pay, or to say that payment in cash, shoelaces or bath salts is not acceptable and she'll find a new teacher.

PorkFlute · 04/10/2018 21:28

The problem is I doubt you’re the only one who doesn’t pay on time. I would definitely want up front monthly payments for this kind of work.
She’s also probably a bit annoyed as it seems like you had no intention of paying this week and lied about it. Forgetting once would have seemed like a genuine mistake, twice was pushing it but could be forgiven, after 3 ocassions of promising her the money and then not having it it does seem like you have just been putting her off and had no intention of paying.
But like I said, a small token gift left with this week and next weeks payment on Tuesday and it will all be forgotten if you make sure you pay promptly in future.

Original poster
MrsKnickers12 · 04/10/2018 21:31

Oh no - she's just replied to my text and is 'too busy with other commitments' and 'has to leave to school promptly at the end of the day and is therefore no longer able to teach DS'

OH NOOOOO

Guess I only have myself to blame. I'm gutted :( :(

I've been dumped!

I'm going to be totally embarrassed when I see her next week

OP posts:
Blackoutblinds · 04/10/2018 21:32

Can’t say I’m surprised.

Really, what else did you expect? You’ve treated her pretty poorly tbh.

BootsMagoots · 04/10/2018 21:34

I'm not shocked. You've massively taken the piss out of her. You're gutted now but unfortunately it's your own fault by treating her so poorly.

lexi727 · 04/10/2018 21:34

I won't pretend to be shocked.

lexi727 · 04/10/2018 21:34

Oh and good, you should be embarrassed

MaisyPops · 04/10/2018 21:37

That's hardly surprising.
It sounds like a bloody nightmare for her to deal with.

ohgoditshappeningagain · 04/10/2018 21:39

This must be a reverse.... You are the flute teacher, right?

cookiesandchocolate · 04/10/2018 21:40

Jinglesplodge- my last post clearly states that I don't have a bee in my bonnet about paying cash.

But if I were paying full price for lessons and expected to stop and get cash out every week then I would forget. And it's just another faff, I much prefer a bank transfer.
As the OP stated it was discounted then I fully agree why the teacher would be annoyed

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