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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask if you think I have upset my DS's flute teacher?

196 replies

MrsKnickers12 · 04/10/2018 18:26

I work in a primary school and my DS is in year 3 (same school).

My DS's flute teacher visits our school on aTuesday, Wednesday and Thursday afternoon. She sees DS after school on a Tuesday (at 3:20) for a private lesson and I pay her cash weekly.

There have been a couple of occasions where DS has forgotten his Flute and music, but has still had his lesson as she has a spare instrument and music.

I didn't have any money on Tuesday, so I apologised and said I would bring it on tomorrow (Wednesday). I forgot again and said I would bring it in on Thursday (today) and as I finish early would leave the money at the school reception.

I forgot again! She sent me a text earlier saying they couldn't find my money at reception and I replied saying sorry, I'd had a really busy week and would pay double next week if that's ok?

She normally responds straight away to text messages and there has been no response. I am now worried that she is fed up with us (I'm pretty disorganised and DS doesn't do much practise).

Am I over-reacting or do you think she's going to dump us? I feel really worried about this!

OP posts:
Blackoutblinds · 04/10/2018 19:21

You know what. If you’re too busy then he can’t do everything. Something has to give.

I’d be so demoralised if I was her, putting the effort in for someone who doesn’t care and makes no effort In return.

Onecutefox · 04/10/2018 19:22

Stop paying cash and pay by a cheque. Write a few cheques and keep them in your drawer or your bag. If she wants cash only then find another tutor who is more flexible with the payment methods.

ceecee32 · 04/10/2018 19:25

Why wait until next week ?

Jinglesplodge · 04/10/2018 19:25

Disagree on the cheques: paying them in and waiting for them to clear is a total pain in the arse. If she wants to be paid by cash, then it's cash. Cheques, unless requested, will not be her preferred payment method: it would piss me off more!

Onecutefox · 04/10/2018 19:27

I've offered a bank transfer in the past and she prefers cash.
She wants cash because she doesn't want to declare it.

lexi727 · 04/10/2018 19:28

Say you're very sorry, and start paying a month in advance. VERY annoying considering she's self employed and relies on that money! That's like an employer just forgetting to pay their staff.

Blackoutblinds · 04/10/2018 19:30

I wouldn’t take a cheque in this day and age. My bank card isn’t a cheque guarantee card so I assume most aren’t and it’s a risk of it bouncing.

Bluntness100 · 04/10/2018 19:31

Yeah that's not ok, any of it really. As a pp said, how would you feel if your employer forgot to pay your wages. Forgetting once, ok, but three times.

If you can't afford it Cancel the lessons, If you can't be bothered bringing his stuff, cancel the lessons, but you don't take advantage of people like this.

Original poster
MrsKnickers12 · 04/10/2018 19:32

I won't see her until Tuesday so that's why I'll wait until next week.

She doesn't want to paid by bank transfer or cheque.

I don't know if she declares it or not - none of my business

OP posts:
JamieVardysHavingAParty · 04/10/2018 19:34

Or she wants cash so she knows straight away whether someone has paid, whether than having to check her online banking to see if she's received a payment.

OP: yeah, you've annoyed her. I'm rather intrigued how you could need to ask mumsnet whether what you've done is annoying. You had her searching reception for money that wasn't there! Of. Course. Shes. Pissed. Off.

lexi727 · 04/10/2018 19:36

@MrsKnickers12 so ring her and ask if you can drop the cash round ASAP. Don't wait until next week. And if possible, when you drop the cash round, give her a couple of weeks money in advance as well. With flowers to apologise!

Bluntness100 · 04/10/2018 19:38

I agree, I don't understand why you had to ask either, and Jamie makes a good point, you didn't even have the courtesy to tell her you forgot the money again, you left her searching in reception. It's just so rude.

LostInShoebiz · 04/10/2018 19:39

YABaCF (Cheeky Flute-fucker)

cookiesandchocolate · 04/10/2018 19:42

Annoying but sorry if she prefers cash, that would not be convenient for me and I would insist on a bank transfer. She shouldn't get to call the shots in regards to payment. As long as it's done on time

Jinglesplodge · 04/10/2018 19:50

Why shouldn't she get to call the shots re: payment? That's her prerogative as a self-employed person.

Your supermarket won't accept a cheque. Or a bank transfer. Do you refuse to shop there?

ICouldBeSomebodyYouKnow · 04/10/2018 19:57

Love the suggestions to leave the flute in the boot or by the door ... definitely will never be played then Grin

Stupomax · 04/10/2018 20:00

I won't see her until Tuesday so that's why I'll wait until next week.

And if she's lucky you might pay her then?

raisinsraisins · 04/10/2018 20:03

I totally understand that a teacher needs to be paid on time.

But do instrument teachers get similarly annoyed if a pupil doesn’t practice? My DS has an instrument lesson once a week, which he loves and looks forward to. Really enjoys the lesson, almost like therapy for him as he finds school stressful. But he never practices and therefore is not progressing. I don’t mind, as long as he enjoys the lessons, and I’ve told the teacher that he won’t be taking any further exams. But although the lessons might be boring for his teacher, would his teacher also be annoyed?

christmaschristmaschristmas · 04/10/2018 20:06

Definitely need to pay - I'd be so embarrassed I would either drive to her house tonight and pop it through the letterbox or bank transfer it. And I'd include next weeks money.

Not meaning to be rude but I think people don't forget things like this, they just don't make it a priority.

TedAndLola · 04/10/2018 20:09

I won't see her until Tuesday so that's why I'll wait until next week.

If only there was a magical device in your hand that could contact her before Tuesday to arrange payment...

ferrier · 04/10/2018 20:09

Yep. She gets to call the shots in how she's paid. You don't want to pay cash? - she won't want to teach you.
But back on topic ... Or rather a sub topic of the op ....
I wouldn't worry about practice. As a former peri I was far more concerned about my pupils enjoying their instrument than tying them down to a 15 minutes per day millstone. Yes, in general they will improve faster with practice but that's not the be all and end all of music lessons.

Original poster
MrsKnickers12 · 04/10/2018 20:14

Well I've already explained that she doesn't want a bank transfer, I don't think it's appropriate to call her now in the evening and I have no idea where she lives so I think next Tuesday with an advance payment, profuse apology and some chocolates is reasonable given the current circumstances.

She seems really easy going so I'm sure although she's (quite rightly) annoyed with me right now, hopefully by next Tuesday she'll be fine again.

OP posts:
Doccc · 04/10/2018 20:15

OP is a bit dozy but the teacher is definitely on the fiddle so hard to be too aggrieved on her behalf

YeTalkShiteHen · 04/10/2018 20:17

I don't think it's appropriate to call her now in the evening

I don’t think it’s appropriate to TWICE forget to pay someone and to send your child without the proper equipment or having practiced.

Why are you wasting her time?

Nearlyhaveahouse · 04/10/2018 20:17

And this is why I have a contract in place, up front termly payments and a three strikes and you're out rule Grin I love my instrument and love teaching but it's not a hobby, it's an income!
In your defence, it sounds like the flute teacher is a) treating it a bit like a hobby with no t&c's and also b) potentially not declaring which is no good!