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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask if you think I have upset my DS's flute teacher?

196 replies

MrsKnickers12 · 04/10/2018 18:26

I work in a primary school and my DS is in year 3 (same school).

My DS's flute teacher visits our school on aTuesday, Wednesday and Thursday afternoon. She sees DS after school on a Tuesday (at 3:20) for a private lesson and I pay her cash weekly.

There have been a couple of occasions where DS has forgotten his Flute and music, but has still had his lesson as she has a spare instrument and music.

I didn't have any money on Tuesday, so I apologised and said I would bring it on tomorrow (Wednesday). I forgot again and said I would bring it in on Thursday (today) and as I finish early would leave the money at the school reception.

I forgot again! She sent me a text earlier saying they couldn't find my money at reception and I replied saying sorry, I'd had a really busy week and would pay double next week if that's ok?

She normally responds straight away to text messages and there has been no response. I am now worried that she is fed up with us (I'm pretty disorganised and DS doesn't do much practise).

Am I over-reacting or do you think she's going to dump us? I feel really worried about this!

OP posts:
Stupomax · 04/10/2018 22:59

And this is a women who comes into your place of work three times a week.

What is she going to say to everyone else about you?

Frogscotch7 · 04/10/2018 23:17

From experience, the teacher won’t need to ‘cool off’. She will feel a great relief at not having to concern herself with you or your son any more. The last thing she is likely to do is take your son back.

Find another teacher and learn from your mistakes. It’s unacceptable to use a service and not pay for it in a timely fashion.

HerRoyalNotness · 04/10/2018 23:26

I pay our piano teacher monthly by PayPal and the trumpet teacher weekly by PayPal. I use the send to friends so no one has fees. Then at least everyone has a record.

Offer her that, if she’s insisting on cash, as convenient as she is, consider a new teacher

HerRoyalNotness · 04/10/2018 23:27

Missed the update. Just reply thanks for letting me know and sorry for mucking you about with the payment this week.

Then find a new teacher

user789653241 · 04/10/2018 23:49

Just pay in advance. Problem solved for both of you.

GruciusMalfoy · 05/10/2018 00:44

Oh jeezo. Do not try and talk her out of it. Pay her, say you're very sorry for messing her around. Then let her get on with her job. She's made her decision, and didn't reply to you right away because she knows how awkward it will be.

TheStoic · 05/10/2018 01:22

You don’t want to fix things so that your son can learn the flute. You’re embarrassed because your colleagues might think you can’t afford the lessons.

Weird thread.

Queenofthestress · 05/10/2018 01:44

You've shown such a lack of respect for her as a person with her own life it's astounding. Grow up.

Lunde · 05/10/2018 01:48

Op you need to leave the music teacher alone as you have behaved very badly. The lax attitude to learning and turning up with necessary equipment is bad enough - but failing to pay for the lesson multiple times (when she was nice enough to offer a discount) and the humiliation of forcing her to chase you is really bad. Worse is your lazy and lax attitude to rectifying your mistake - you couldn't be bothered today because you didn't feel that she really needed the money and could wait a week - it makes you a CF.

She did you a favour and you were just a lot of trouble for her - you've been dumped so leave her alone to find better, nicer private students that pay their bills.

SaturdaySauv · 05/10/2018 06:32

You’ve been so disrespectful of her I’d definitely pay, apologise and then leave her alone.

I was £1 short for my cleaner a couple of weeks ago (never happened before) so I text her and offered bank transfer same day or me popping to hers in the evening with the balance.
In the end I found a fiver after a pocket search so I overpaid by £4 which was far preferable to underpaying by £1.

I’m struggling to believe this is actually real- you’ve described appalling behaviour with little care or insight, and you work her so risk public shaming if she tells people why she doesn’t teach your son anymore.

BookMeOnTheSudExpress · 05/10/2018 06:50

OP- if you are the flute teacher, then well done on getting rid of the CF.

If you are the CF, then maybe you won't be in future, though the flippancy of your "oh no, I've been dumped!" comment makes me doubt it. Despite many posts telling you just how wrong you are, you still don't get it. You think you're doing her a favour, because you're paying her cash in hand.

Banana8080 · 05/10/2018 07:19

Call and apologise. You sound nice but you’re also a CF. She was probably relying on that cash and you owed it to her.

Truckingonandon · 05/10/2018 07:32

You're a real peach OP. I can't abide people who have a casual approach to paying other people money owed. What sealed it for me though was your PMT comment. Nice bit of everyday sexism displayed there.

TwoGinScentedTears · 05/10/2018 07:38

Sometimes OP you have to let the world work the way the world works. You've pissed her off and she's not accepting it any more. The lessons have been terminated and you need to accept that.
Maybe it's for the best, eh?

JamieVardysHavingAParty · 05/10/2018 07:43

OP, is your name Emma?

SoyDora · 05/10/2018 07:46

Oh god, don’t try and talk her round. She’s made a decision, she no longer wants to teach your DS or deal with your disorganisation. And I don’t blame her. It’s her decision to make.

greendale17 · 05/10/2018 08:01

I'm going to be totally embarrassed when I see her next week

Well hopefully when your colleagues ask her why she isn’t teaching your son she will tell them you are a cheapskate who doesn’t pay on time.

GabriellaMontez · 05/10/2018 08:03

You taken something you've not paid for. Yes shes pissed off.

Gazelda · 05/10/2018 08:21

Please don't try to talk her round. She's been doing you a favour for a while, yet in return neither you or your son have shown commitment.
Drop the cash into the school office today (just in case you forget next week), with a thank you card with an apologetic message.
Say sorry again next time you see her. Then move on.
But don't treat other professionals this way in the future, they deserve more respect.

UnknownStuntman · 05/10/2018 08:29

Yes. You've taken something without paying. You're a thief.

MadameButterface · 05/10/2018 09:10

You seem to have the idea that this is charmingly disorganised middle class mumsy behaviour. It's not. It's fucking rude and bordering on scummy.

^^ this, all day

you're not cute, you're acting like a bellend

MadameButterface · 05/10/2018 09:10

surely this must be a reverse, no one is this oblivious are they?

MarshaBradyo · 05/10/2018 09:21

How annoying for her
To have to worry about it
To have to check the reception area
Her time is not less orecious than yours is it?

Make sure you pay her what you owe even though she’s ended it

And don’t try to talk her round
Stop thinking you’re the nice bumbly one in this
It is far too infuriating for the other person (and to read)

SoyDora · 05/10/2018 09:25

So she works full time in her day job, does extra flute lessons (including fitting your son in as a favour) and you still wasted her time chasing payment and going to reception to look for money that you told her would be there, but it wasn’t. Do you think she has time to spare? I’d be pissed off.

TeddybearBaby · 05/10/2018 09:36

It sounds like you have a lot on your plate @MrsKnickers12. You sound like my 11 year old, keeps getting in trouble for not having the correct equipment (he’s just started secondary) he says ‘I’m not a bad person im just forgetful’ haha.

I hope you can work it out. Forgetting things definitely isn’t the worst thing in the world but maybe you’re taking on too much? Maybe not bothering with the flute is a blessing. I’ve had to look at what we’re all doing in the week and cut bits out before.

You might need some more downtime 💐