To ask if you think I have upset my DS's flute teacher?

[MrsKnickers12]

I work in a primary school and my DS is in year 3 (same school).

My DS's flute teacher visits our school on aTuesday, Wednesday and Thursday afternoon. She sees DS after school on a Tuesday (at 3:20) for a private lesson and I pay her cash weekly.

There have been a couple of occasions where DS has forgotten his Flute and music, but has still had his lesson as she has a spare instrument and music.

I didn't have any money on Tuesday, so I apologised and said I would bring it on tomorrow (Wednesday). I forgot again and said I would bring it in on Thursday (today) and as I finish early would leave the money at the school reception.

I forgot again! She sent me a text earlier saying they couldn't find my money at reception and I replied saying sorry, I'd had a really busy week and would pay double next week if that's ok?

She normally responds straight away to text messages and there has been no response. I am now worried that she is fed up with us (I'm pretty disorganised and DS doesn't do much practise).

Am I over-reacting or do you think she's going to dump us? I feel really worried about this!

Well I bet you remember to pay for petrol, supermarket shopping and any other services. You're taking the piss mate is spot on.

Well, if your employer wouldn't pay you even after promising a few times, you would get mighty pissed off too.

It's her income, pay her NOW.

Of course you've annoyed her. Did you really need Aibu for that!

Your Y3 forgets his music and flute?
Come on - you forget it.
Write a list of everything needed by day, stick it on the fridge, create a routine of getting everything for next day ready the night before.

I actually have some sympathy that having cash can be a PITA - I never carry it and much prefer bank transfer. When my child’s ballet used to be cash only, I’d make up several envelopes of correct cash at the same time and then they’d be ready to tick off the list the night before.

“Oh I’m disorganised” doesn’t cut it, in an adult.

It’s not just the money for the teacher. It’s wasting her time reading your messages, checking with reception etc. Your lack of effort takes her time away.

Maybe I should call her and apologise?

That'll help her buy petrol tomorrow. How about driving over to her house with the cash.

Yep! You're a CF. Not only have you messed her about, she probably feels like an idiot for getting the school office to search for the money. Pay her!

Yes, you’re taking the piss. Would you like it if your employer forgot to pay you but offered you double next month?

Don't call and apologise, she won't want to hear sorry excuses. I know I wouldn't!

Pay her 5 lessons upfront in cash and a bunch of flowers.

In my experience peripatetic teachers require payment in advance for a set number of lessons. Also if you forget the instrument you'd usually be turned away or offered to go over the theory of the pieces without the offer of refund, so she's being very generous in allowing him to use her spare. So yes, I think not only is she annoyed that you haven't paid her but also annoyed that you haven't realised that she's being very lenient already with your son not being prepared for his lessons.

The flute teacher also needs to get her act together. Asking for cash on a weekly basis does her no favours. My DC have music lessons and we have to pay a term in advance by bank transfer. They also have other clubs that we have to do the same and give 1/2 terms notice.

They are running a business and rely on this for their income. They don't need to be chasing money.

Why are you worried about her dumping you? Is it because it may impact your reputation at the school? tbh it sounds like your DS is disinterested and you're disorganised. I'd reconsider the lessons altogether.

Yeah you’re taking the utter piss.

Maybe I should call her and apologise?

Erm, no, you should call and ask if you can drop the cash to her tonight. AND apologise.

YABU. what if your employer 'forgot' to pay you? This is someone's livelihood. Not a bloody hobby.

Yu need to take the cash round to her house NOW.

You're definitley taking the piss! You can't get organised to pay her or get your child to remember his flute on lesson days. Your child doesn't practice. The teacher may have a waiting list of pupils who really intend to learn to play and your son's taking up a place one of them could be having. Why are you paying for the lessons if neither of you are interested?

she will be asking for a month in advance at this rate.

I'm sorry to add to the deluge of answers you've had but yes, you are taking the piss at the moment.

As an anonymous music teacher I can say honestly that the things that really drag me down are pupils who don't practise, pupils who forget their instrument and music and parents who don't pay.

Pupils who don't practise or bring their stuff, or who forget to attend lessons (secondary) are often gently prompted to consider if they really want to keep having lessons. I would rather fill the slot with pupils who want to be there.

Chasing parents for money became so stressful that I now choose not to teach privately, only in schools. I found the whole dialogue embarrassing and also insulting. You wouldn't pay your groceries late. You wouldn't pay your mobile phone bill late. Don't pay your teacher late. (the same could be said about paying by cheque but that's a separate rant!)

Please reassess whether the flute lessons are right for your family just now. Your son will only make progress if YOU prompt him to practise, show an interest and keep on top of his progress. He's too young to be self-motivated. He also isn't responsible for taking the instrument to lessons. That's on you for the moment.

Sorry if this is an unnecessary response to a basically already answered question. This is what I'd have loved to say to dozens of parents over the years but couldn't. It's a public information broadcast!

Set a weekly reminder on your phone for “FLUTE MUSIC AND CASH” so you don’t forget.

You are U not to pay, but you know that. Why don’t you do a bank transfer now?

Yes YABU. I'd hate to be self employed because it's such a ball ache to get payment from people.

Ok thanks everyone - I realise I'm totally in the wrong - will try and make it up by maybe next week paying a month in advance and buying her some chocolates.

DS does want to play, but we're so busy it's really difficult to find the time to practise, but I realise I need to get on his case a bit more.

I do feel really bad as she only 'fitted him in' as I already work at the school.

And make him do 10-15 mins of practice a day, every day. A little bit often will be better than nothing.

If he doesn’t want to practise why are you wasting the money and time? If he really wanted to do it he would drive you nuts with his incessant playing.

If I was her I’d be raging with you tbh. Can’t pay on time and the child doesn’t practice and forgets his stuff. It’s a bit lackadaisical and doesn’t show much respect for her.

Don’t you think other people are busy?

Do you have any idea how many times a music teacher will hear "we're too busy to do any practise this week"? It's ridiculous you pay (when you remember) and don't have 10 minutes a couple of times a week? I don't believe it. If you work in a school, let me ask you how annoying the teachers find "I was too busy/running late to remember PE kit, homework, do to reading"?

Ok thanks everyone - I realise I'm totally in the wrong - will try and make it up by maybe next week paying a month in advance and buying her some chocolates.

Maybe?

How big of you.