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Original poster

To ask if you think I have upset my DS's flute teacher?

196 replies

MrsKnickers12 · 04/10/2018 18:26

I work in a primary school and my DS is in year 3 (same school).

My DS's flute teacher visits our school on aTuesday, Wednesday and Thursday afternoon. She sees DS after school on a Tuesday (at 3:20) for a private lesson and I pay her cash weekly.

There have been a couple of occasions where DS has forgotten his Flute and music, but has still had his lesson as she has a spare instrument and music.

I didn't have any money on Tuesday, so I apologised and said I would bring it on tomorrow (Wednesday). I forgot again and said I would bring it in on Thursday (today) and as I finish early would leave the money at the school reception.

I forgot again! She sent me a text earlier saying they couldn't find my money at reception and I replied saying sorry, I'd had a really busy week and would pay double next week if that's ok?

She normally responds straight away to text messages and there has been no response. I am now worried that she is fed up with us (I'm pretty disorganised and DS doesn't do much practise).

Am I over-reacting or do you think she's going to dump us? I feel really worried about this!

OP posts:
Original poster
MrsKnickers12 · 04/10/2018 21:42

Up until now we had a good rapport. I think I can fix this and talk her around. I'll let her cool off first.

OP posts:
Blackoutblinds · 04/10/2018 21:42

Oh god how entitled and rude are you !

Bobbybear10 · 04/10/2018 21:43

It’s bad enough you forgot to pay her twice but to leave her searching in the school reception for her money is unbelievable!!Shock

Why didn’t you tell her you forgot again rather than leave her to upturn the whole of reception?

If you are desperate for her to carry on teaching your DS you could apologise and offer to pay upfront every month but honestly it sounds like that’s that.

TatianaLarina · 04/10/2018 21:44

Kind of inevitable.

If you do actually want lessons with someone else, then take the whole thing more seriously, and understand that you need to set a time for practice every day otherwise there’s no point.

PorkFlute · 04/10/2018 21:44

Oh dear. I don’t think she had high hopes of getting payment next week either and has decided to cut her losses. What a shame and, yes, very embarrassing that you still have to see her. Lesson learned though op. Paying for services you receive isn’t something you can be relaxed about if you want to keep using them!

MaisyPops · 04/10/2018 21:45

I dont think she wants talking around.

I think the message is clear. She us fed up with bending over backwards for a family who are disorganised, don't dedicate time to the instrument and can't be bothered to pay her.

A friend of mine had similar issues with a family when she private tutored. She eventually told them to stick it

PorkFlute · 04/10/2018 21:46

If you do attempt to talk her round maybe suggest that you pay in advance so it can’t happen again.

SnipSnipMisterBurgess · 04/10/2018 21:49

When I used to be s bit disorganized, I was forgetful too or hunting around for change. Now I go to the atm at the start of the week and take out cash for cleaner and babysitter; buy a pack of envelopes and write names on at the start of the week.

Fiffyshadesofgreymatter · 04/10/2018 21:51

You may want to prepare an explanation for the reception staff too, since they'll have been the ones searching for the cash for her and being on the receiving end of her initial frustration, they will no doubt be aware that you havnt bothered to pay her.

martiniescutcheon · 04/10/2018 21:52

Offering to pay by bank transfer is pretty fair I think and so easy so it's not as if the OP is trying to pull a fast one. The teacher is the one causing difficulties over method of payment.

raisinsraisins · 04/10/2018 21:58

@Frogscotch7 thanks for that. Sometimes I think it might be a nice break for the teacher, as he has mentioned how pressured some of the children are to pass music exams in the run-up to applying for schools/interviews.

colditz · 04/10/2018 22:00

You seem to have the idea that this is charmingly disorganised middle class mumsy behaviour. It's not. It's fucking rude and bordering on scummy.

You deserved to be dumped. Next time, be a lot more considerate of the money you owe people.

titchy · 04/10/2018 22:05

You're sure you can talk her round? Hmm Yeah I'm sure she'd like a pupil who doesn't practice, bring his instrument or pay on time. Seriously OP have some respect for her time and skill. You've shown nothing but disrespect so far.

Pickupthephone · 04/10/2018 22:07

Well you shouldn’t have forgotten to pay her and you did take the piss a bit. But given that she offers a discount on the lessons in return for cash payment, she’s clearly evading tax, so I don’t feel THAT sorry for her.

FunSponges · 04/10/2018 22:14

Don't talk her round. This is your own fault and I would have dumped you too. Flakey people get on my wick. We all have stuff going on. You get a servide, you bloody well pay for it and turn up with the right equipment!

AlexaAmbidextra · 04/10/2018 22:18

Ffs Knickers. Just pay what you owe and then leave her alone. She’s obviously sick to death of you. Smugly announcing you can ‘talk her around’. How fucking arrogant and entitled are you! 😲

yellowsparkles · 04/10/2018 22:26

"I don't have any problem paying her cash."

Lucky you to be in that position, shame you're so arrogant and up your own that you're too forgetful. Were you too busy spending your excess money on something for yourself rather than pay someone for their work at a discounted rate? I'm glad she had the guts to tell you where to go with your attitude and hope she continues to when you "try to talk her round"

Disgusting.

Blameanamechange · 04/10/2018 22:27

Id leave it OP. Your ds obviously isnt interested in playing if he doesnt practise and keeps forgetting his flute. Its so disheartening for a music teacher such a waste of everyones time. They dont need their pupils to be talented just willing to try and practise only needs to be 10 mins a day. The kid either enjoys it or doesnt.Think its the latter. Teacher is probably relieved!

MarthasGinYard · 04/10/2018 22:34

I'd just pay her, apologise and leave it.

Sounds like she was doing a favour teaching him.

He's clearly not interested and sounds like you aren't particularly interested either. Forgetting the flute etc and money all a little insulting.

I'd be telling you the same if I was her.

m0therofdragons · 04/10/2018 22:34

I work full time in a stressful job, have 3 dc and am a school governor but being busy is never an excuse to be a CF. Forget once and apologise but twice or more? You're basically saying that it's not important to you. Text and ask for address to pop it round.

How often does your dc forget his flute? You need a better morning system in place!

ILovePierceBrosnan · 04/10/2018 22:39

It must be soul destroying to offer a discount, have a child forget their instrument frequently, not practice AND have to chase for such a small amount. I doubt she needs the money. She just doesn’t need the agro.

You sound strangely accepting of these events. Is it something that happens in other areas of your life?

I used to have a friend who laughed about her disorganisation and just assumed by acknowledging it she would make everyone around her be ok about it. She was lovely and kind but...everyone’s patience ran out. I can barely bare to see her nowadays. So many of her friends roll their eyes and avoid now. I doubt she gets why. Try and change before this happens if this is you.

Mxyzptlk · 04/10/2018 22:40

Up until now we had a good rapport. I think I can fix this and talk her around. I'll let her cool off first.

She's mightily pissed off that you've messed her around and she's taken the risk of not getting this week's money at all, by telling you to get lost.
You've no chance of talking her round and you don't deserve one.
Make sure you pay her anyway, unless you're a complete CF.

ILovePierceBrosnan · 04/10/2018 22:40

Please don’t try and “talk her round”. Let her be

squiggleirl · 04/10/2018 22:50

Oh no - she's just replied to my text and is 'too busy with other commitments' and 'has to leave to school promptly at the end of the day and is therefore no longer able to teach DS'

At least the woman has more respect for herself than you do for her.

I appreciate the discount and will make an effort to pay her on time.

And here's the problem. No commitment to actually do what is needed, just that you would make an effort. The woman did you favour by teaching your son in the first place, and you treat her really poorly. Then to top it off, you won't even to commit to changing your ways, but rather that you'll make an effort to not treat her like shit again. Nice.

I'm going to be totally embarrassed when I see her next week
The appropriate time to be embarrassed was last Tuesday, or Wednesday, or today.....

Stupomax · 04/10/2018 22:58

Guess I only have myself to blame. I'm gutted. I'm going to be totally embarrassed when I see her next week.

...and you thought I made my comments because I had PMT. LOL.

I don't have periods or PMT by the way. But I am self-employed, and I have very short patience for cheeky fuckers who are 'too busy' to remember to pay me.

Up until now we had a good rapport. I think I can fix this and talk her around. I'll let her cool off first.

If there's one thing you might want to learn from this thread it's that what you think other people are thinking is not what they are actually thinking.

But you're not going to learn anything are you?

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