to ask about friendship dealbreakers?

[Tobythecat]

What are your deslbreakers when it comes to friends?

Mine are -

Voting Tory
Disliking animals or being cruel to them
Being judgemental towards mental illness
Being a food snob

Oh and racist of course

SimplySteve yes! I had one friend who used to show off every time we met up, indulge in nasty little put-downs so that after I’d seen her I felt depressed. She clearly thought she was doing me a favour by keeping in touch. She’s history.

One other with me is persistent lateness or letting me down last minute.

Lending someone money and then having to plead for it back.
That is just so common and it has happened to me a few times most recently and the friend doesnt understand what he did wrong and that I should want to speak to him after he hasn't returned the 1k I lend him over 6 months ago.

It's always easy to give money but harder to give it back.

Anyone that won't be friends with someone else based on them having differing mainstream political beliefs.
This

Also, being late all the time. I ditched two friends because of this. Being 45 mins late for no good reason and not even bothering to let me know being an example. This happened all the time.

People who try constantly to put you down, boast, or behave in a superior way. Bitchiness.

People who have no interest in reading . People who talk about themselves constantly and show no interest in anyone else beyond a cursory 'how are you' , before launching into a long monologue about themselves.

Friends who fit you in only when they have nothing better to do.

Being a snob, or trying to prove they are better because they earn more/work longer hours/have a better car or house.

Droning on and on about politics, religion or some pet obsession.

Had to google dubai porta potty...

I can't understand differing political views being a dealbreaker for an existing friendship. You might not become friends to begin with because you don't have the same views, but to find out a good fri be votes Tory and then suddenly dump them seems a bit extreme.

Frankly I don't know how any of my friends vote. That's their business and they don't know how I vote either. It has nothing to do with our friendship.

dubai Porta potties
OMG I can't un-know that - brain bleach required!

There's a reason no-one used to discuss politics or religion in polite society.

Now, since the advent of social media, everyone (vehemently) expressed their opinion, and we're descending into a cesspool of fear and hate.

Excessively needy/possessive people
People who try to encourage me to say nasty things about others behind their backs
People who repeatedly suggest that I'm "tight" (or possibly being financially accused by my DH) because I don't choose to spend more than I can afford on things I don't need. (I think the main offender for this one was actually clinically addicted to shopping herself, and needed me to have similar spending habits to make her feel validated.)
People who repeatedly try to encourage me to drink more than I'm comfortable with, and imply that I'm boring or a spoilsport if I won't.
Same again but with cannabis (any cannabis) I don't mind people who smoke it, just respect my right not to!

I ended a friendship because the "friend" was having an affair and involved her kids, so she could spend time with the affair and his kids.....she told the kids (who were primary age) they must not tell daddy who they were spending time with as daddy hates him and his kids.... I would nt have ended the friendship over the affair but the level of manipulation of the kids and her complete selfishness meant I just could nt bear to spend time with her any more. Maybe judgmental of me but I can't be friends with someone with wildly different morals and values to me. I think this post maybe sounds a bit sanctimonious, but I m not, honestly!!!

Lol sorry I met a girl who did it that's why I said.

Unkindness or cruelty particularly towards the defenceless
Fascism and other right wing nuttiness
Xenophobia
Hunting animals for fun
Slyness and Two facedness
People on demos shouting about rights who are too cowardly to show their faces.
People who refuse to acknowledge the realities of poverty and its consequences.

Trying it on with my husband was a deal breaker for me.

I think almost everyone would see trying it on with their husband as a deal breaker. Sending highly inappropriate messages to my DP is the only thing I've ever ended a good friendship over.

Just remembered 2 from the past. Both from 1970s 1. Friend got job as 'housemother' in 'home for disturbed boys' and promptly began a sexual relationship with one of her 15 year old charges. 2. Another friend who'd had many abortions was asked by a surviving child why she hadn't aborted her. Well of course I tried said mum but after 2 failures I thought I'd just keep you.
Both of these were the end. Haven't seen either since.

Bigots, racists, sexists, disablists homophobes, basically anyone who has problems with another human based simply on where they were born, live or what they look like. I also wouldn’t be friends with the type of coward that ‘punches down’ in order to make themselves feel better.

People who are cruel to animals, things/people that are weaker than them.

People who lie, steal and cheat would also be avoided.

Finally people who blow hot and cold. I’m in the process of phasing out someone like this. Sometimes she treats you like your BFFs then sometimes treats you quite coldly particularly if you don’t do what she wants , it’s like she wants you to run after her. It’s very immature and weird.

Rather puzzled at people who’d break a friendship off for someone voting for a different political party. My DH and I have for years voted for different parties. We have different issues that are close to our hearts and different viewpoints. What may be a v important issue for me may not loom as large for him.

I’d break off a friendship for someone having fundamentally different values to me. Like opposing a woman’s right to chose, or being homophobic, or racist, or looking down on anyone not earning a six figure salary. But a political party isn’t just about single issue values. Despite being an ardent supporter and member of one party I can still see certain issues in which I might agree with the other at certain times.

Rather puzzled at people who’d break a friendship off for someone voting for a different political party. My DH and I have for years voted for different parties.

Same here. Neither of us are extremists or immune to logic, but we do have different political outlooks. It's never been a problem for us.

I don't bitch about my friends behind their backs. If I find out a friend has done it to me, we're no longer friends. I had this happen last year. Ex friend doesn't know that I know. I'm still pleasant to her face but I can't consider her a friend any more.

People end friendships based on the daily newspaper they read?
On their vote? Echo chamber much? Imagine having a friend and then see them reading The Daily Mail and saying 'Right fuck off you facist wanker."

I have abandoned two friendships. One was a violent alcoholic who caused damage to my property. ( Though she read the same paper as me).

The other was a very privileged freeloader who would fleece a fly of its term fly juice. ( We vote the same).

Some of the kindest friendsI know have the complete opposite political beliefs to me. However I do not think I am right about everything or have the right to insist my friends think like me.

Exactly @ZaphodBeeblerox - DH and I vote differently, and are either side of centre. He's also Catholic, and I hold all organised religion in deep disdain. If anything, it makes for more interesting conversations.

And yes, it's values which are at the heart of true compatibility (or incompatibility).

All the usual things.. I've got no time for racist/sexist/homophobic/violent behaviour. I generally stay away from gossips and dramatic people too.

I also hate flaky people. I had a good friend for years going back to high school that would always cancel plans at the last minute with a quick text saying 'I just can't be bothered today haha'. It's sad, I don't think she's got any friends left anymore..

Snobs in all shapes and sizes. There is nothing worse than a snob.

Needy/clingy types
People who talk to much but don't listen
Different interests and nothing in common
people who gossip about others
Mum friends who drag their toddlers round town too much instead of doing child led stuff
Mum friends who frequent macdonalds or give their kids too many sugary snacks that my toddlers might want
Whingy whiney types not interested in self improvement or improving their situations
Snobs

The last one will sound awful but I'll clarify..Families of SEN children NOT that I won't be their friend or I dislike them but to hang out with. I have 2 children with SEN and can't cope with discussing SEN related issues all the time and meeting only in SEN friendly groups as these environments tend to be loud and difficult for one of my girls.